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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 25/02/2011 11:20

insured => uninsured there of course

BristolJim · 25/02/2011 11:20

I think she was insured, Heathen.

HonestyBox · 25/02/2011 11:21

Shock Get her the hell out of your house right now.

ajandjjmum · 25/02/2011 11:23

Tell her you're going to have to take in lodgers and charge starting from now, and as your first guest, her rate will be £100 a night.

Unbelievable. Really sorry for you and your DH.

ninedragons · 25/02/2011 11:26

Don't even think about offering to pay half.

100% or boot her out. Loon.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 25/02/2011 11:27

Oh, wait a sec... so she is insured fully comp on her own car/third party on yours?

Or third party on her own car/not at all on yours?
Confused now...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 25/02/2011 11:27

Why
The
Hell
Is
She
Still
In
Your
House
?????

Truly.

I do not understand why you haven't thrown her stuff onto the street and her behind it.

QueenStromba · 25/02/2011 11:28

She should definitely pay for all of the repairs. I'd chuck her out too.

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 11:28

Of course she should pay. Get DH to call her DH. TODAY.

mateysmum · 25/02/2011 11:28

This doesn't really come into it as she should stump up the full amount no question and pay you for a hire car till yours is repaired, but fYi, if she is non resident for tax purposes in the UK, then it is probable that her UK driving license is no longer valid - weird but true - and if she has not declared to even her 3rd party insurer that she is non resident then she is potentially in an even more difficult situation.

penguin73 · 25/02/2011 11:29

Was the other car involved damaged? If so the other driver will already be going through their insurance company and even if you were willing to lie (don't do it!) if the other drive gives a description of the driver you will be caught out. She should pay for the damage and I would insist that she does or threaten to take her to court for the money...maybe she is working on the assumption that if she ignores you you will give up but once she sees you are serious about getting the money from her she may relent without you having to do anything else. Would it be worth approaching the husband direct and seeing if he can speak some sense to her?

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 11:29

she has third party insurance.

She is staying with us til Tuesday. I don't think DH will let me throw her out the house. She could just go back to her own house in the UK but it's a 5 hour train journey away. DH was meant to be driving her to the airport on Tuesday for her flight to Spain which obviously isn't going to happen now. Angry

Even if we got the police involved it wouldn't resolve getting the car fixed and this is all we want. For her to cough up. If she did that today we could have the car in the garage over the weekend.

OP posts:
hymie · 25/02/2011 11:30

I've thought about this some more ....sod the loyalties..tell her to cough up or you will sue her through the courts for damages.

When she squeals just tell her you are only doing what she is doing.....making a family member suffer by avoiding payment !

Tiredtrout · 25/02/2011 11:31

Firstly, yanbu. What was it she hit? If she was covered for 3rd party she's only covered for damage to whatever she hit, has she explained how the accident happened. Also you need to double check her insurance that she was covered to drive your car with permission bit it's no longer standard on insurance policies.
What heathen says is correct there is an offence of allowing someone to drive your vehicle uninsured but if you argue the points it can mean a summons to court. It's not common though. Explain to her that you can't commit fraud for her and that you would expect her to pay for the damage. Or tell her dh your side of it cos I bet she's putting a spin on it

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 11:32

I'm not sure about damage to the other car. That's got me worried now. Don't want to have to foot the bill for that too.

We're going to have to have a big talk with her before she leaves. If she leaves without giving us the money then that's it, she's never going to pay. Or see me or my dc's again. Can't speak for my DH of course, she is unfortunately, his mother.

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 25/02/2011 11:32

If it wasn't her fault then shouldn't the other drivers insurance cover it anyway?

Capreece · 25/02/2011 11:32

OK. If she only has thir party insurance then surely that means she is only insured on her car, which means she was driving yours illegally. If relationships are already difficult then you could always threaten her with reporting her to the police for driving without insurance.

BristolJim · 25/02/2011 11:33

You need to be firm but polite.

Explain in no uncertain terms that you are not prepared to commit insurance fraud and that you fully expect her to meet the full costs of repair. She is of course free to search around for the cheapest quote and to pursue the other driver for his insurance details but under no circumstances will you be paying for the repairs yourselves.

stubbornhubby · 25/02/2011 11:33

If she lives in Spain, and presumably has Spanish car insurance, then are you certain she had any insurance at all? I know she told you she had 3rd party, and was legal, I wouldn't think any regular spanish insurance policy would cover her for driving someone else's car, while abroad....

Hence her eagerness for you to pretend you were driving.

Also -what did she hit? when she had her accident she may have cut and run .. you need to prepare for the possibility that someone may have taken the registration number and the police might come knocking on your door...

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 11:36

I have to admit to being very flaky about insurance and what third party etc means. This is why I am partly responsible, I naively assumed if she had an accident her insurance would pay for damage to my car. I thought that was why my mother in law kept banging on about having third party, never having had an accident in 40 years etc.

It's all such a nightmare. We're spending the weekend trawling around other garages to see if we can get a cheaper quote. But the damage is quite extensive, need new back bumper, new lights, re-paint job etc

OP posts:
nannyl · 25/02/2011 11:38

OMG

YADNBU

she needs to pay the lot, the whole lot, and not be wriggleing out of it.

is she really insured to drive 3rd party in other countries? I have 3rd party on any car with my fully comp insurance but its not even valid in Ireland, the only time id ever like to use it when staying with my cousins!

OTheHugeManatee · 25/02/2011 11:38

Wait a moment. She has a house in the UK, another house in Spain, has been freeloading staying with you for a fortnight, spent £800 last month on a brand-new washing machine and still won't pony up for damage that SHE did to your car?

Your DH needs to grow a pair and TELL his mother to stop being a tight-fisted witch and do the decent thing.

feelingworthless · 25/02/2011 11:38

YANBU if she refused to pay for the damage, I would chuck her out and never speak to her again. It would be slightly different if she was unable to pay but she can more then afford it.

diddl · 25/02/2011 11:39

Doesn´t third party mean that if you damage the car, you pay?

And you are in effect uninsured?

nannyl · 25/02/2011 11:40

new back bumper....?

was she hit up the back then? (or did she reverse into something?)

If hit up the back by another car then other car should be paying out...