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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 05/03/2011 19:47

True enough! I suppose the cynical amongst us were expecting that that wouldnt be the end of it! I hope it is :)

warthog · 06/03/2011 12:54

there are MANY unanswered questions.

what about the other car, what actually happened, how are things with the mil etc...

YellowDinosaur · 06/03/2011 13:11

warthog the op has been back and posted about all this

warthog · 06/03/2011 14:43

ugh - only basics!!! how did the other car sustain no damage while hers was £2000? has it been fixed now? did mil give her details to other car?

Underachieving · 06/03/2011 14:46

YADNBU

I've only read page 1 (not got time for all 16) but firstly she broke it she should fix it. Secondly she can't reasonably expect you to commit a crime to get her off the hook for an error of judgement, that's not proportionate. Thirdly, it's not like she's penniless, she can be expected to raise that.

cumfy · 08/03/2011 17:47

Did the cheque clear ?

Buddhastic · 08/03/2011 17:51

YANBU she is being tight! Does she know your financial situation? Not that that should matter!

vis · 08/03/2011 19:09

hi OP can you update - I have read every detail of the thread - but still awaiting the sting in the tail...

QueenStromba · 08/03/2011 19:16

Me to vis. I just really can't believe that after her MIL being so cagey about the details and refusing to pay at the start that the cheque has cleared and there hasn't been a call from the insurance company/police.

JaxTellersOldLady · 13/03/2011 09:10

Just fount this thread again... a perfect ending???

OP, did the cheque clear? Has your MIL gone back home?

Lots of questions that need answering for us nosy concerned posters.

DilysPrice · 13/03/2011 10:18

I've just read the lot, and can I say how refreshing that not one of you law-abiding MN-ers suggested that OP should go along with MIL's suggestion and defraud her insurers.
I'm not going to speculate about whether you would have all taken the same line if it was (say) the OP's skint DD who'd done the damage (although as so many have pointed out, it would be very risky indeed, because these things can be checked).

DuelingFanjo · 13/03/2011 10:30

I wouldn't cover up for my own DH let alone a DD, Dilys!! of course the OP did completely the right thing by not taking the blame.

DilysPrice · 13/03/2011 12:33

I absolutely think she did the right thing, I'm just surprised and pleased that everyone agreed - I've read so many surveys suggesting that the population in general has a very lax attitude to insurance fraud.

cumfy · 14/03/2011 18:38

bounce:o

vis · 14/03/2011 23:06

QueenStomba , Cumfy and I are still waiting..we are...we really are...OP please come back and just let us know we are cynical cows.....Wink

prettybird · 21/03/2011 12:20

I've also been wondering.....

vis · 21/03/2011 22:17

ok .last chance salooooon . I am not going to ask again... OP come back please tell us all is well.....

cumfy · 22/03/2011 10:21

vis, I don't think the OP is a regular poster .... it may all remain a mystery.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 22/03/2011 12:02

oh just noticed that this has been resurrected!

a happy ending of sorts. My fil did a money transfer for the full amount, so we were able to get the car fixed Smile

however, not so happy ending in that relations between my mil and I deteriorated to such an extent that I have banned her from coming to my house and seeing my children again.

long and boring story but the morning she was due to go home I overheard her on the phone slagging me off, saying she doesn't know how my dh 'tolerates' me, that I am a bitch, a selfish rude cow and 'everybody hates me'. Unfortunately as mil was having this conversation inside the house dd overheard and has been repeateing to all and sundry how her nan hates her mother.

cannot face ever seeing the woman again.

OP posts:
JsOtherHalf · 22/03/2011 12:35

So sorry that your MIL has been so nasty about you.Your DH obviously knows her well,so you have his support.

At least you got the car fixed, so you're not out of pocket about it being damaged.

SugarPasteFrog · 22/03/2011 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happygomummy · 22/03/2011 12:43

I am raging on you behalf

Appalling behaviour from MIL

Your husband needs to have a (not so) quiet word with her.

Aaaaaargh. Some people are awful.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 22/03/2011 12:45

DH hasn't said anything to her, he'll do anything to avoid confrontation. I wish he would man up and tell her outright her behaviour is unacceptable but I know from past experience he won't. He spoke to her on the phone at the weekend, as if nothing had happened.

There is a big family do next month which he's been invited too. I have made it clear he can go, if he wishes, but that I and the kids will not. I don't want them around such a toxic, evil person.

OP posts:
JsOtherHalf · 22/03/2011 12:48

Sighs @ your husband. I thought from previous posts he had her number long since.
No, you stay as far away from this woman as you can, along wih your children .As a grown up he can do what he likes about attendig the do, or speaking to her.

anonacfr · 22/03/2011 12:53

I can't believe your husband.
You're a bitch because you 'made her' pay for repairs caused by an accident that happened to her???
A 'selfish rude cow' when you welcome her to your home and let her illegally borrow and drive your car?

What did your husband say when you told him about the phone conversation- and the fact that your DD had overheard the whole thing?

I'm just speechless at the whole thing to be honest. How are you the villain of the story when you have done absolutely nothing wrong?? Sad

Did your MIL say anything to you when she realised everyone had heard her conversation? And by the way was she actually using your phone while having that conversation?