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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2011 11:45

OP, please update us - has your MIL gone?
Is this behaviour typical of her, or out of character?

fedupofnamechanging · 28/02/2011 12:42

OP, I asked my dad about this because I am worried for you and he said that if you don't tell your insurance company, they may refuse to pay for the damage done to the other car/person/property.

You have to tell them that she is refusing to give you the details of what happened and let them persue it. If you don't, and she goes back to Spain, you may find yourself with the other persons bill and also in trouble legally because you have a requirement to inform them.

The other party has probably already informed their insurance company and so it is only a matter of time before you insurance company is tracked down and they will want to know why you haven't informed them. Bear in mind they have access to data bases listing your car reg and insurance details. To cover yourself, you must inform your insurance company

AnnieVid · 28/02/2011 13:10

Agree with Kharma. Ditto that.

TyraG · 28/02/2011 13:12

You left the car in her care and she is responsible for anything that happened to the car during that time.

Unwind · 28/02/2011 14:43

Her refusal to say what happens is the most worrying thing about this - as others have said, you need to protect yourself by speaking to the insurance company and the police. If it really "wasn't her fault" the other driver would be paying.

Remember, she wanted you to take the rap for this, to bear the increased insurance payments. Don't trust her.

warthog · 28/02/2011 16:53

update please.

and i do think you have to tell your insurance / police exactly what's happened.

she's going back tomorrow isn't she? so time is very short now.

scaryteacher · 28/02/2011 17:47

'but over the years I have resided abroad I have never been able to be insured on either of my sibblings or parents car insurance due to the fact that "I am not resident in the UK".' We live abroad and we are both on my mum's insurance, but we are HM Forces which may make the difference.

Licences: if you are HM Forces overseas, you just get the address on the licence updated to the BFPO address, dh has done this, and there is no problem. As UK licences are actually EU licences, it is a bit strange that they do not therefore apply EU wide whichever country one is in; this may be where the difficulty lies with differing info from the DVLA.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 28/02/2011 18:22

OK, quite a few developments.

MIL said she was trying to park in the supermarket and reversed too far and hit the car parked behind her. She said that she found the clutch in my car too heavy and this is why it happened (she must have reversed at some speed...) She's very embarrassed. She blames the fact that it was becaue she was driving a car she's not used to, which I can understand.

Now, apparently the man whose car she went into saw what happened and checked his car, MIL says there was no damage. I have no reason not to believe her. I think some of the posters on here implying that she did a hit and run are over dramatising, because if that had been the case I'm sure she would not have left the scene (she's normally very law abiding) and there's been nothing on our local news of this nature.

She also said she was mortified about her insurance and had no idea about the complexities of insurance when you live abroad etc.

She also presented us with a cheque Smile.

So, good news! I want to put this all behind us now, it's been incredibly stressful to say the least.

Thanks for all the useful advice I received on here Smile

OP posts:
AnnieVid · 28/02/2011 18:25

Great news!

I do think posters were trying to help and hit and run doesn't mean someone was seriously hurt either.

Thank heavens she saw sense- what made her change her mine- she did an about turn rather quickly didn;t she?

DuelingFanjo · 28/02/2011 18:27

how could she possibly do £2000 worth of damage to your car but none to his?

Glad you have a cheque, you be careful that she hasn't given your name and address and that he doesn't suddenly put an insurance claim in against you.

Glitterknickaz · 28/02/2011 18:39

Just as an aside, two weeks after passing my driving test waaaay back in the annals of time I was proudly driving my fiat panda Grin to work.
The junction I was using had parked cars on both sides and directly opposite, so I had to pull into the carriageway to see what was coming (I was turning right). Something was coming down the high street at warp speed. I panicked, shoved the car in reverse and went back, in my inexperience forgetting to look in the mirror. Then BANG. I'd reversed into a Nova. (yes it was that long ago).

We both drove off, no sign of damage after comparing. Two days later the other party knocked on my door, she'd gone to do an oil change and the bonnet wouldn't shut even though from the outside there appeared to be no damage there was inside.

Just be aware this could come back in the near future...

cumfy · 28/02/2011 18:50

£2000 to one car £0.00 to the other.
If it was all so straightforward, why not say to start with ?

Sorry but it all sounds a bit fishy.Sad

Hope your cheque is of the non-rubber variety.

ThePhantomPharter · 28/02/2011 18:53

Perhaps it was a military Hummer?

MissyKLo · 28/02/2011 18:59

Agree that if there is 2k worth of damage to your car the other car must have damage, it is bring naive to believe that there was none I'm afraid!

warthog · 28/02/2011 19:05

my experience:

i had an accident that i decided not to claim for but informed the insurance company. they insisted that they'd have to wait for a period in case the other party made a claim. during that time i lost my no claims bonus and my premium went up, even though i didn't claim anything.

i had to write several letters and threaten the insurance ombudsman before they would reinstate my no claims and return the premium to normal.

weblette · 28/02/2011 19:09

Unfortunately I have to agree with the other posters, to cause £2000 of damage to your car with nary a scratch on the other, just doesn't add up at all.

Did she give the other driver any details in case there were unseen problems with his car?

SugarPasteFrog · 28/02/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2011 19:16

"MIL says there was no damage. I have no reason not to believe her."

I would say that her initial evasiveness gives you every reason. And I would ask for a direct transfer of funds rather than a cheque. Cheques can bounce / be stopped.

janiesmum · 28/02/2011 19:19

its not as if OP doesnt know where she lives ffs, she is her MIL!!

god, the people on here, cant stand it when a drama is resolved and the lynchings are postponed for another day

PMSL

Florin · 28/02/2011 19:20

Sounds very strange no damage done to other car. We had someone go in to the back of us at slow speed. Their car looked damaged at the front but hardly a Mark on the back of ours but when we took it to the garage to have it checked it had £5500 worth of damage as underneath had all been moved.

jenga079 · 28/02/2011 19:22

Great news. I hope you can relax now OP Smile

RunAwayWife · 28/02/2011 19:44

Good news about the cheque, hope it is all resolved now

ragged · 28/02/2011 19:51

I have caused the equivalent (in modern money) of 2k worth of damage the the car I was driving, but nothing to the other vehicle (actually, I've done it twice). Blush Blush

DitaVonCheese · 28/02/2011 20:12

Fab news OP Grin

I've done £700 damage to my car and not a scratch on the other vehicle (a Merc too Blush). It's not impossible, particularly if OP's car is nearly new.

I used to have a Nova, loved that car

5Foot5 · 28/02/2011 20:15

I can believe you can damage your own car substantially without significant harm to the other depending on what the other car was. Volvos, for instance, seem to be built like brick s*houses.

DH once ran in to the back of one that braked suddenly. The Volvo hadn't a mark on it but the whole front of DH's Cavalier crumpled.