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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2011 09:14

"you can't do a simple internet transfer of money from overseas."

Perhaps within Europe?

I´ve paid from Germany to a Portugeuse account via internet using IBAN

On second thoughts also-that´s 2 countries both using Euro, of course.

QuintessentialShadows · 27/02/2011 09:17

Not all online banks will allow you to do this. I cannot transfer money from my barclays account to my norwegian accounts through online banking, but I can with hsbc. Whether he does a bacs or through his online banking, you need to provide him with iban and bic numbers, specify swift code too, as some banks still asks for that.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 09:25

diddl - I suppose it would be ok between countries using the same currency, yes - but we can't do it from Australia (and I have UK HSBC accounts)

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/02/2011 09:26

If her H is there, why can he not send the money? Are you having to wait to get this car fixed until she deigns to send the money?

Bollocks to that, tell the H to send the money on Monday and get the car booked in.

Tell her you will take her to the police if she doesn't. Hold her passport too.

I absolutely don't trust her.

QuintessentialShadows · 27/02/2011 09:28

thumbwitch, that is interesting, as I can use online banking with hsbc to transfer internationally. I have transferred money to india, the us, iceland, where-ever. You need to specify currency though, so I suspect that it has more to do with the online banking package rolled out in the different countries.

clam · 27/02/2011 09:35

But this goes much further beyond the money and its transfer. Due to your MIL's actions, you (as it's your car) are responsible for an accident that has gone unreported (as far as you know at the moment). If it turns out that someone else has reported it, then the buck stops with you and you will carry the can. You must get all the facts out of her.

lazylula · 27/02/2011 09:43

BACS system is still used, fil deals with people abroad alot, selling static caravans and is the way that money is transfered to him from Holland and Belgium. I know as I have emailed the details enough times!

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 10:07

QS - might be to do with the type of HSBC bank account you have as well - if you have a Premier account (I think it's called) you have far more options than if it's just a standard cheque account. But you have to pay for the privilege of a Premier account, so I don't. :)
As a matter of general interest - are you transferring to other international brances of HSBC, or to different banks?

nancydrewfoundaclue · 27/02/2011 10:45

We can't transfer from our overseas HSBC account to our UK account but could if we had their status account but the conditions are not ones that work for us (would have to keep a fair bit of cash in a not terribly secure country).
The only alternative is BACS/CHAPS but it only takes a couple of days and I believe once the money has been sent - for which a receipt is issued- it cannot be recalled.

cumfy · 27/02/2011 11:59

Lazy,Nancy, I stand corrected Blush.

A lot of people are saying "You must get the facts out of her".

Sure you need the facts... but I am getting the distinct impression that the very last person who will give them to you is her.

Just go to the police. They will very likely have the other half of this.

RunAwayWife · 27/02/2011 12:20

Tell her she will be paying for the car and get legal advice. Throw her out and tell her to sod off home

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/02/2011 12:27

as everyone else has said, you really need to find out what happened. Even if she just reversed into a bollard, you as registered owner are liable for the cost of whatever she hit.

You have to find out or this will come back and bite you. There is cctv everywhere and it'll be even worse for you if it looks like you are deliberately not coming forward.

I don't want to scare you, but there is a good chance this could end up costing a lot more than 2000.

FakePlasticTrees · 27/02/2011 12:38

A) she has a house in the UK, they must still have UK bank accounts in order to pay the bills and be able to transfer money from Spain to those, or more likely, if they have pensions paid in the UK, they probably do it the other way round (have the bulk of their money in the UK and transfer to Spain as and when they need money).

B) You need to tell her she needs to give you the full facts by this evening or you are going to the police with what information you've got. If she has hit and run (something or someone) it'll be better for her in the long run if she goes to the police herself rather than wait for them to come ot her. (And if htey come to you, you will be sending them to her)

C) I'm so sorry, I assume your DH is very disappointed in his mother. It must be hard to deal with.

HopeEternal · 27/02/2011 12:39

I have been following this. I think your only safe option is to contact the police immediately and let them interview your MIL. The potential consequences of not doing so are horrendous.

cumfy · 27/02/2011 12:40

I'm still wondering if she'll go today.

Longtalljosie · 27/02/2011 12:51

The thing is, by going to the police you are admitting an offence - letting your MIL take your car while uninsured (even though you didn't understand what third party means, that's not a defence). And of course, you're shopping her for leaving the scene of an accident.

But the alternative is you being prosecuted for leaving the scene of an accident.

Have you posted in legal? You need advice I think.

PrincessScrumpy · 27/02/2011 12:55

Her accident, her damage, her fault - she should pay it all.

ScaredOne · 27/02/2011 12:59

I would rather admit that I let her drive without proper insurance than find out at some point that it was a hit and run and try to explain/prove that it wasn't me!
This could and probably will become so much bigger, please get it sorted now. Call the police, she is not honest with you. Really don't risk it. A small thing for letting someone drive without insurance fair enough, but how will it affect your future if people believe you hit someone and didn't help? Worst case scenario of course but honestly, it is a possibility. Call the police today

CalamityKate · 27/02/2011 13:01

Tell the police she took your car without permission. It's only a small lie - certainly no bigger than the one she expected YOU to tell when she asked you to pretend it was you driving!

Tupperwarewolf · 27/02/2011 13:17

I interpret "She only has third party insurance" in the OP as meaning she only has TPS on the OP's car, ie fully comp on her own. Not sure whether the OP has clarified this.

wonka · 27/02/2011 15:26

It is still really important for you to know what your car hit. If another party has reported this matter to the police even if you have the money for your repairs, the matter will become your responsibility once MIL has gone home. Even if its as bollard in waitrose they may be looking at CCTV to claim on your insurance and going to the police for you leaving the scene. We had some clown trying to make a false claim saying we hit him (we knew we hadn't) drove away. and got a letter from the police almost 3 weeks later saying we'd left the sceen CCTV put us in the right...

AnnieVid · 27/02/2011 15:27

having read through this my only input would be. Is it at all possible that she has hurt someone or legged it in your car following a bad accident and she is in shock, explaning the lunacy in her denial?

What was your relationship like prior to the accident? To mention her being manipulative and persuasive? Is this out of her normal character?

Rafi · 27/02/2011 15:29

I think FIL checked documents and said she's not covered at all.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 16:10

What if she gets back to spain and doesn't send the money and it turns out she gave the other party your name and address and told them she was you?

She won't tell you what happened. I reckon she gave your details and by the time that letter drops onto your mat, she'll be safely in spain telling you that it's not her problem.

vis · 27/02/2011 17:33

WHAT HAPPENED....come on ..if she will not tell you..you must MUST and have an obligation to find out...don't you? I suggest getting some advice from legal?

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