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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
cumfy · 27/02/2011 17:55

Hec
That adds up with her constant insistence that OP's insurance would cover it, and everything would be "sorted".

Georgimama · 27/02/2011 18:11

I hope Hecate is wrong, although I fear she isn't. In those circumstances, my MIL would never see my children again.

I thought earlier in this thread that you contacting the police was alarmist, but I've changed my mind. She damaged your car on something or someone, and that person may well think it was the fault of the driver of your car. Which unless MIL fesses up, will be presumed to be you, OP. I would do as suggested above, she spills, or you telephone the police to report the accident yourself.

Tupperwarewolf · 27/02/2011 18:16

I think people are scaremongering a bit - for all we know, all she did was reverse into a bollard. And if she goes to Spain then she can just be extradited back again if needs be, it's not like a different galaxy or something and the OP presumably knows where she lives!

May be worth reporting it just to cover your back though, or at the very least writing out everything you know now and dating it, while it's still fresh in your mind.

Tolalola · 27/02/2011 18:17

I agree that I'd be getting some legal advice on this one.

Who knows what your MIL might be hiding? She clearly knows that whatever happened was her fault, or she'd surely be telling you that the other driver's insurance would pay?

It all sounds seriously dodgy, and the last thing you want is the police coming after you for whatever she did.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 18:18

I hope I'm wrong too.

But the refusing to give any details at all, is a warning sign, imo.

Reversing into a bollard is not something you would clam up over. You'd have no reason to.

Clamming up is self-protection.

Georgimama · 27/02/2011 18:24

I think it probably is something innocuous like a bollard, but reversing into a bollard got my husband a claim on his insurance, a £200 fine and 3 points on his licence five years ago. So even a bollard could get the OP into doo doo.

No one is going to extradite aomeone from Spain over a driving offence. Not unless they've killed someone, which I highly doubt in this case.

zipzap · 27/02/2011 18:33

She had your permission to take the car once you had found out been browbeaten into submission from her that she had insurance that would cover her driving the car from what you said early on.

can you tell the police the truth about what has happened so far as you know it but just don't actively say that you have checked her insurance and found it's not valid and she was lying to you.

Then when you find out from the police that she was lying and didn't have valid insurance you can at that point say you want to ask them to add taking a car under false pretenses (don't know what the technical legal term for it is, sorry) to protect yourself then?

If you go in and say that you know she was driving without insurance then you are instantly in the wrong from what people have been saying. but this way at least you would be reporting it assuming that the insurance was in place; if stuff happens later against you at least it will be on record that you thought your mil was insured, she was your mil and you had no reason to assume that she would lie to you, can't believe many people in similar situations would actually make their mil produce documents before handing the keys over. then you will look like a victim as well, rather than somebody who knows that something dodgy has been going on and who has taken a few days to report something...

good luck!

Tolalola · 27/02/2011 18:34

OP can you tell anything about what she might have hit from the damage to your car? Is there paint, for example, or tree bark? Does it look like the right shape/position to have been a bollard?

textpest · 27/02/2011 18:41

Smile sweetly and make it clear you will be calling the police and advising them that she stole your car and smashed it up so unless she fancies a criminal record she needs to cough up.

Alternativly call her husband and ask him for the money directly and tell him you will sue him for the £2000 plus costs plus compensation for the inconvienience. Then never speak to her again.

cumfy · 27/02/2011 18:57

Is she still in the UK ?

Tupperwarewolf · 27/02/2011 18:58

Georgimama from the (ever reliable Wink) Wikipedia:

"According to the Council of the European Union, the EAW has been used in a manner that does not respect the principle of proportionality contained in article 5 of the Treaty establishing the European Community. In particular EAWs have been issued for minor offences such as possession of 0.45 grams of cannabis; theft of two car tires; driving a car under the influence of alcohol, where the limit was not significantly exceeded (0.81 mg/l) and the theft of a piglet.[10]

In the UK, persons arrested under an EAW have recently been extradited for minor offences such as the stealing of ten chickens (Romania), unintentionally receiving a stolen mobile phone (Poland), and theft of £20 worth of petrol (Czech Republic).[11]"

I would interpret "It wasn't my fault" as just a defensive "Someone distracted me at a crucial moment" or "Your gears are stupid and confusing" type thing. None of my prangs are ever my fault Wink

Georgimama · 27/02/2011 19:38

That's our numpty government agreeing to send people abroad to stand trial. Other countries are not so co-operative in sending people here, I imagine.

RunAwayWife · 27/02/2011 19:46

I would hide her passport till she pays up but then I am queen bitch

Tupperwarewolf · 27/02/2011 20:53

I think that that's the point of the EAW! :)

vis · 27/02/2011 21:53

do you know what / who Sad she hit yet?

kitbit · 27/02/2011 21:58

The best way to send money from Spain to UK is via bank transfer, which you can do via internet banking if you have it, although there is a charge of about 50 quid to transfer from a euro account to a sterling one for a transfer of this size. Doing it via your branch carries the same charge. BACS also works and might be cheaper, maybe this is why they are talking about making payments this way.
And it does take a few days.

muminthemiddle · 27/02/2011 22:18

The other thing is if a third party saw the accident and reports "you" or your car to the police.

Sorry but you will be in big trouble then (assuming she did hit another car).

Get your dh to ask mil calmly exactly what happened. failing this contact her dh and tell him you need to find out what she did.

Good luck!

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 27/02/2011 22:34

do you know what she hit yet?

RunAwayWife · 28/02/2011 08:55

She could not do £2000 or damage clipping a kerb, she needs to tell you exactly what happened and fast. Your DH needs to have a talk with her and make it clear that she has to tell you what happened and that she will be paying to fix the car. It sounds as if they can afford to pay and as she damaged the car it is only right she should.
I think you really really should get legal advice ASAP as this could end up coming back to you and being a big problem

fruitstick · 28/02/2011 09:04

DH is having all sorts of problems with car insurance being voided at the moment. You have to tell them EVERYTHING or they will find a way to refuse payment in the future.

I would log the accident with the police as they may come to find you if another party was involved.

At least if you tell them now they will be mOre likely to believe you.

DitaVonCheese · 28/02/2011 09:48

My DH's colleague recently did about £2000 worth of damage by clipping a kerb as his entire front axle needed to be replaced. Clipping a kerb is unlikely to have staved in the back bumper though.

MackerelOfFact · 28/02/2011 09:49

Also agree that there must be more to this. She can't seriously have thought that'd you'd have been able to claim it on your insurance if she was blameless? It was either her fault or there was something/someone else involved.

Hopefully she'll keep to her word and pay up but I'd still be terrified that the Police were going to knock on my door accusing me of a hit-and-run. :(

YellowDinosaur · 28/02/2011 10:21

I agree that it is non-negotiable that she tells you the exact circumstances of the accident.

I would be telling her in no uncertain terms that not only does she need to pay for the damage to your car (I see from your latest post that she has agreed this at least) but that also she has to tell you exactly what happened.

And that if she won't you will be presuming that this is because she has done something illegal / immoral. If she won't tell you or continues to be vague with what she does tell you I would let her know I will be going to the police to report what you know.

I would also be thinking very seriously about taking her passport until she has paid for the damage and told you the circumstances of the accident.

nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:24

OP where are you?

do you have an upsate for us? whats happened?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/02/2011 10:48

Given that the car is less than a year old, I think it possible that she's done that amount of damage by reversing into something.

It may well be that she's just utterly, utterly embarrassed, knows that her husband will shout at her for being so stupid and costing "him" money, and is lashing out because she's scared. no need to assume she's hit an old lady!