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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you ever smack?

346 replies

thatwasntverycleverwasit · 22/02/2011 18:02

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

OP posts:
LadyThumb · 22/02/2011 18:05

Yes, I have done it - but never apologised. What's the point in chastising and then apologising? Maybe I'm just 'ard!!

squeakytoy · 22/02/2011 18:06

Yes, and yes I would do it again if warranted.

BinJeeta · 22/02/2011 18:07

yes, i have, and I hate it afterwards, but sometimes it seems the only way. And yes, i apologise, everytime, but dc do too, then a nice hug all round, as they know i have been pushed to the bloody limit to have done it in the first place.

Original poster
thatwasntverycleverwasit · 22/02/2011 18:09

I guess I feel I can't tell her smacking is wrong, and that if she does it she must say sorry, and then do it myself and not apologise. I left it a while, but I did and do feel that resorting to smacking means I have failed in some way.

OP posts:
Cybsaysbaggsie · 22/02/2011 18:09

I have done it but wouldn't do it now

it doesn't work

scaryteacher · 22/02/2011 18:10

Yes, I've done it. It got the message across. Now far more effective to cut plugs off computers and withhold pocket money.

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2011 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BinJeeta · 22/02/2011 18:11

Grin scary, i am with you there. Xbox lead removal seems to work very well these days.

wannabesybil · 22/02/2011 18:11

Tried tapping the back of DS's hand when he was little - once when he wouldn't leave the electric plug socket and once when he wouldn't stop pulling evil cat's tail (and she was letting him!).

Not only did I not leave a mark, but he giggled. My intention was to shock, all it seemed to do was tickle.

Gave up on corporal punishment at that point.

tifyv · 22/02/2011 18:13

yes, committed that crime, but it isnt nearly as effective as taking toys away (or, for my very independent 3 yr old, holding my hand!!) If you ask,sure most mums have done it at least once.

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2011 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife · 22/02/2011 18:14

I have never smacked ds, I just can't see the logic in inflicting violence when trying to raise peaceful, well behaved children. I think it looks like a loss of control too. And then there's the guilt.

I lower my voice when I need him to take notice. Seems to work, he is a really well behaved boy.

roomonthebroom · 22/02/2011 18:15

Yes, twice, DH did it the first time as DD was pulling away from his hand on a busy road and wouldn't take a telling. She was warned that it would be the consequence if she continued, she did, she got a smacked hand.

Second time, she was really pushing her luck and all other sanctions had failed. Again she was well warned it was going to end in a smack and it did. It immediately de-escalated the situation and she was quite shocked I had done it. Both times DH and I felt awful afterwards, and we talked to her about why we did it. We wouldn't use it as a routine punishment as we never wanted to smack at all, but on these occassions we felt it was necessary.

Bideyin · 22/02/2011 18:17

I've never done it but I've certainly felt like it :)

Don't feel too guily about a little smack. I don't think it does any good but probably not much harm either.

bumble34 · 22/02/2011 18:17

stop beating yourself up about it. At the risk of shocking people I used to smack DC1's hand and once smacked her on the back of her leg when i lost my temper and felt really guilty because it was about me loosing my temper rather than anything she had done.(now grown up no lasting damage)

Now on second family DC2 is 2.5 yrs I made the concious decision not use smacking but the other night he drove me so nuts i really lost my temper shouted, slammed the door and sat in the bathroom crying (made up with apologies and a hug)

I'm not sure which was worse but do know that we are all human. Recognising it's not how you want to deal with a situation in the future is surely the most important thing. So let it go and learn from it is what i say :-)

tallulahxhunny · 22/02/2011 18:18

i smacked and still do when its needed. i think the problem with society today is not enough discipline!

abbierhodes · 22/02/2011 18:18

I smack on the odd occasion, especially when children are too young to understand other punishments. I don't do it hard enough to leave mark, it's intended to shock rather than really hurt. I don't apologise, and I don't see it as wrong. I know this post will be unpopular.

eddiemccready · 22/02/2011 18:19

I never have. Dh smacked our two eldest boys only once, last summer. They were 8 and 6 and knew well that they were not allowed to go down the lane behind the house that leads too a lough. One of our neighbours spotted them trying to stand on a wooden palette on the edge of the water! You can imagine the fright was worse than the anger. I just sobbed with relief but dh really smacked and put them to bed for the afternoon.

abbierhodes · 22/02/2011 18:21

The difference between me and some posters is I don't blame loss of temper...I would never smack in anger, I don't see how that's more acceptable! I am totally in control when I smack, it's a split second decision but it is a decision, not a reflex.

janajos · 22/02/2011 18:22

Sorry to be dense. What is DTD1/2 Mme Death?

lazarusb · 22/02/2011 18:22

I don't. I would feel that I'd failed to control myself both as an adult and a parent.

BingoWings786121 · 22/02/2011 18:23

You must be off your troll y to smack a child even once, its a no no from me, have a Brew next time instead

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2011 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveWasFramed72 · 22/02/2011 18:25

I've smacked, but it was when I was at the end of my tether, and so frustrated...it was about ME, not about the behaviour at the point that I smacked. I felt more guilty about losing my temper.

Don't feel guilty, OP...it happens sometimes!!

mamatomany · 22/02/2011 18:26

Even teachers and social workers I know have smacked their children although i doubt they'd ever admit it, in fact one very senior social worker I know used to smack her son with a wooden spoon and she will admit it after a glass of wine, he was a bugger by all accounts but has turned out very well and loves his mum.