To ask if you ever smack?

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

dear twin daughter 1

I'm a teacher, mamatomany, and admit it freely. If I thought it was something to be ashamed of I wouldn't do it.

The irony is that as I read this thread, my DH is playing DCs FAVOURITE game...'smacked bottom'...where they run round like mad, and he 'catches' them and smacks their bottoms...

They are hysterical with laughter...

Thank you for your replies everyone. I'm never going to feel great about it but at least I'm not alone and a complete aberration!

no, but i don't really even shout either.

but i only have one dd whos pretty easy going on the whole

i dont think 1 smack will do any harm

just try hard not to do it again

i do put my dd in her room for time out though and after getting advice on her, i leave her for upto 20 mins and it does work
only leaving her for 3 mins wasnt long enough to calm either of us down at times

now shes know the threat of 20 mins timeout is shit, she really tries to avoid it

Nope haven't done it and hope I never will. As a one off loss of temper it probably won't make a huge difference in an otherwise loving family.

I remember being occasionally smacked as a child and all it taught me was that certain adults lashed out when they couldn't explain themselves. I don't love them any less for smacking me but think I would have respected them more if they hadn't.

I think what could be totally destructive is if people are so guilt ridden by snacking that it affects their parenting in other ways. I don't think smacking is effective, and don't choose it as a discipline strategy, but if I told you that in the hazy sleep deprived days after my second child was born that my hand didn't fly out more than occasionally I would be lying. I wouldn't chat about it at toddler group but by acknowledging that I've done it I have worked out why and moved on. I am a good parent who loves her children. This is a far more understanding thread than many I've seen on the topic and I hope it helps some people.

I have smacked once or twice many years ago and have deeply regretted it. It achieves nothing other than making everyone feel miserable. But don't give yourself a hard time, you are human, not super mum.

to plan to smack a child, in cold blood, how horrid abierhodes

it is actually assasult to those of who who would do it again, there are other more long lasting punishments you could use.

nothing is ever resolved with violence, that is what smacking is. VIOLENCE.

yy Fabby

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent (Isaac Asimov; the fact that he was a SF writer oughtn't dilute the message)

'Cold blood'!!!!!!!!!
There is no 'blood' involved in a tap on the hand!!!! FFS, get a grip.
Do you think lashing out in temper is acceptable? I'm shocked at those on here who think it is Ok that they have physically taken their frustration out on someone smaller than them, but not OK to use the occasional smack as a form of discipline.

abbierhodes I was smacked as a child. I can still remember sitting on the bed examining the red hand marks on my thighs. I will never forgive my mother. My resentment towards her for it is even stronger now I have my own children.

To reach the end of you thether and lash out is called being human, what you are doing is abusive.

I have never smacked and I hope I never will. I don't hit adults either. If I did hit I would apologise for my loss of control. OP, I think your guilt is healthy and hopefully it will help you to hold back next time you are driven to it. I am sure a lot of people have done what you have done though so don't overplay it in your mind. tr

I was also smacked as a child. I never had marks to sit looking at, neither do my children. You were abused, yes, and I'm deeply sorry to hear that. My children are not, and neither was I. A small tap is not abuse.

To reach the end of your tether and hit in anger is the opposite of human, I'm afraid. If you are in a state of anger how on earth do you stop yourself hitting too hard, too much or for too long?

I have only been smacked by people who have let me down in other ways which is one of the reasons I won't do it. I remember those rare occasions well and have come to the conclusion that it was my parents failings that led to this, rather than mine. To me, any kind of violence is unacceptable, for whatever reason.(DV escapee here).
However, Fabby, it is not assault to smack a child in this country unless you leave a mark.
Dh has been known to smack the dcs on occasion though and I hate it. It was the norm in the house he grew up in. However, he remembers those occasions vividly.

To mark a child would be dreadful, that's not what people mean by a smack .... and it is far better to not do it of course and great if you never have that's truly wonderful.

I'm not a perfect parent here by any means - I shout, I swear, I react without thinking at times. But sometimes you just have to move on, we're only human and we can fuck up now and again.

Have only done it twice. Dc 7,7 and 6. Very against smacking however strangely I'd do it the same in the 2 instances I did. Maybe not I don't know.

Dtwin 2 went through a brief stage of smacking his twin. Just a very brief stage as none of my 3 are very physical at all,I'm presuming because we don't smack. Now said twin continually smacked his twin even after I'd explained it hurt so I'm give him a swift tap to show him.He stopped smacking his twin.I honestly believe he just didn't know how much smacking hurts.

DD went through a similar stage but pinching me when being told off,just a sly gentle pinch but a pinch none the less. After repeated warnings she still did it. One day whilst camping she was very rude continuously and pinched me when she was told off. She was beyond reasoning with and in a bit of a state so I tapped her leg and explained that pinching hurt just like her tap. Again she never did it again.

Don't feel guilty op and let it go. You did it,you don't normally,probably won't again and to be frank I think shouting can be just as bad. You're human,you're not going to parent perfectly for the whole 18 years of your dc's childhoods. Just use it as a learning experience and forgive yourself,kids are very forgiving and the opinion of your dc is the only one that matters. Explain you're human.

Never have, never will. I do, however, shout alot more than I'm proud of! Nobody gets it right all the time and the little buggers drive you right to the edge on a regular basis.

Great post milamae. Agree with all of it, especially the last paragraph.

Just don't do it again OP!

I never have and never will. It's crap parenting and it doesn't work.