To ask if you ever smack?

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

Whatever makes you feel better altinkum.

I've never smacked and don't think I ever will. 11 years of Primary School teaching, where smacking isn't allowed at all, left me with plenty of alternative methods of child control

My child isn't abused!

A sharp tap on his hand is different to beating him.

Good for you, learning to parent in other ways, I don't "bribe" doesn't mean I condemn those that do...but implying that a parent is abusing their child is a bit too far.

yes i have occcasionally.

generally other methods preferred, but in the case of e.g. pre verbal 2.5 year old poking baby in the eye with a stick and laughing whilst on a walk, i felt a smack was appropriate (yes i was angry, but also, no 'time out' possible in that sitation).

she didn't do that again, but these days i'd probaly put her in her room/withdraw cake/talk to her for the same thing. None of which i could have done then (or at least she wouldn't have understood).

Also any time whn she hit me met with an immediate physical response of some kind (usually pushing her off me). she does not hit me now.

i know many people who are often hit by their toddlers and I am not going to be one of them. If you can't control them now...

"Would you ever hit me?" asked 9yo DD, very recently.

Me: "I did slap you once, You were sassing me something awful, calling me names and generally being horrible. Don't you remember? We were walking to school, I think you were 7."
DD: "I don't remember that!."

She is fascinated that it happened. And definitely not traumatised.

We don't. We have made a decision that we don't smack in this family, and that applies to the children as well. So, logically, I couldn't smack ds1 for smacking ds2 iyswim? We try to achieve acceptable behaviour through modelling it, and through firm spoken reminders about what to do.

Withdrawal of treats works - cause and effect, and I suspect that in a situation where one of them was overexcted and being silly (running round a shop etc) a smack would be the last thing to work.

Parenting is a learning process - your style kind of evolves, so if the OP has learnt that smacking makes her feel bad and doesn't work, it's just a step closer to what does work.

I don't believe in smacking, but I have done it on the very rare occasion when it's been more about how stressed I was. I don't think it's right at all and have had huge feelings of guilt.

However dd1 told me the other day that they were having a debate at school about the idea of smacking being made illegal. When her class were asked if they were smacked all but 3 put their hands up. Dd was shocked (she doesn't remember ever being smacked). She was also shocked to hear that the majority thought that smacking your child was perfectly acceptable this was from 11 & 12 year old girls.

I think it's possibly more common as the punishment of choice than I realised and I still think it's wrong and doesn't work.

I have flashbacks of my grandmother;

"Do you want a good smack?"

What was she expecting me to say?

"Yeah go on then, if you're giving them out"

Swallowed, I think you're speaking a lot of sense, and I also think there's an age in which smacking becomes unaffective and where behaviour "training" takes it's place.

Once my ds is about 2/3 I shan't be doing it-but by then I shouldn't have to. He has a little play mate who is 2 months younger than him (so she's 10 months) and he was stroking her face and then poked her in the eye. He didn't get a smack as I don't think he intentionally did it, but he got a firm no and taken away from the toys. When he is looking at me and ripping books behind his back and he KNOWS he is doing wrong he gets the "tapped hand"!

@ 1234 ThumbWar! How about all those girls!

OP I'll join those who say don't beat yourself up too much, you're only human. As long as you learnt from it and try your best not to do it again. You clearly aren't a "smacker" are you.
I think it's very sweet that you apologised, I would have done that too.

I've shouted at DS (2.5yo) in anger and grabbed his arm when he threw his food on the floor or hit me... I felt guilty about it and I did want to apologise but held back as he got the message and didn't want to confuse him.

I hope that I will never ever smack him, unfortunately I did feel close to tapping hand or bottom a couple of times... I didn't do it and hated myself for the impulse!

Like a lot of people here, I come from a family where smacking was the norm (and a lot worse than smacking for bigger offences), my dad still pesters me that DS needs more "discipline"

I have never smacked DD - I have felt like it a few times though. It doesn't work using that as a discipline. Just MO though.

I also never use her bedroom as a threat either - I want to keep that as a nice place for her to be, not think she goes there when she's naughty.

Mind you my DD is NEVER! naughty

I don't judge anyone on their discipline methods as everyone is different so YANBU. What works for some children doesn't work for others. we use the naughty step and that works for us as she hates it. Don't beat yourself up about it.

No, I never have, but then eldest DC is only 2 and has never, in his short little life, done anything even close to warranting it, so I've never been tested. I'd like to think I wouldn't, but wouldn't judge anyone who does so within an otherwise loving and cherished upbringing of their children if the situation really warranted it (i.e. proper safety issues).

My brother and I used to get the odd smack on the bum if we were being total pains and really playing up, and I can hand on heart say that it is a joke to think that it instills violence or anything even like that, within a happy, loving home. We never had a second's doubt that we were loved, and knew we were just being naughty!

at swallow

(just the bit about keeping calm at all times)

Bully for you beribbonedgibbon. I expect your kids are slow non-inquisitive little beings, but if you have active intelligent kids you face quite different challenges.

Actually you have a point. Intelligent children need to be hit

You know I wish we had a button to delete our posts. Cannot believe I dignified your post with a response.

Look. I don't and will not ever, ever agree with hitting another person. Least of all a child. You want to hit yours, you do that. Don't expect everyone to agree it's a good thing.

It's funny how it's always over running into a road or playing with a plug socket

I agree BeribonedGibbon, you should have ignored that comment, unneccesarily rude. I don't smack and have been told I must have a docile, lethargic child by some. I don't say people shouldn't smack, it's not illegal, but some people seem very angry when you say you don't.And their kids are always so much more demanding/inquisitive, never the fault of parenting.