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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you ever smack?

346 replies

thatwasntverycleverwasit · 22/02/2011 18:02

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

OP posts:
MrsVidic · 22/02/2011 19:02

I would never resort to physically punish and hurt my child because I have lost my temper. In my honest opinion if you do eonething because you have lost your temper or because you are stressed instead of the Childs behaviour warranting it you are playing with fire.

However I realise smacking as a punishment is an acceptable practice if done in a controlled manner. I could never do it though

Ormirian · 22/02/2011 19:06

In theory ABSOULTELY NOT!
In practice? Yes. I have very occasionally. Regrettable but no point in worrying about it after the event.

BartySlartfast · 22/02/2011 19:07

I sometimes smack DWs bottom with my willy on a friday night

EmmaBemma · 22/02/2011 19:08

I grew up in a periodically violent household so I don't smack, even though the impulse to respond to very bad behaviour with physical punishment is strong in me, presumably because of my childhood. I don't want to ever give into it, and I feel that smacking would mean I'd failed. It's an internal battle really, and hard at times.

mamatomany · 22/02/2011 19:08

Oh dear

BendyBob · 22/02/2011 19:09

Nope never. I was smacked as a child. I have no hard feelings about it as I think it was the norm then, but it's not for me.

I can't see how you can tell your dc not to hit people then do it yourself Confused

I've been pushed pretty near the limit sometimes by dc, but that's just it isn't it? As others have said it feels like a loss of control and proves only that. That you have lost control. Where do you go after that?

theinet · 22/02/2011 19:10

i got smacked loads as a kid by parents, sometimes it was probably a bit too much and i did get hand marks and the odd bruise from a "cuff" - but i assume that all kids used to get that in the 80's!

Also, the cane was a constant threat at secondary school (ages 8-11), though i never got it.

times seem to have changed a bit, it always surprises me when people say they would never smack their children.

babybarrister · 22/02/2011 19:20

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toeragsnotriches · 22/02/2011 19:22

I have smacked mine on the hand. I don't feel bad about the smack (they sustain far more painful injuries from each other when playing roughly) but about the fact that I had totally lost it when I smacked them. It was a loss of control on my part and I don't like that.

But I don't think I feel comfortable 'building it in' to a discipline routine though, either. Then I'd have to say 'if you do that again you'll get a smack' and that just sounds all wrong.

Don't feel guilty. Sometimes they just push you too far and it's good that they know you have your limits.

Alambil · 22/02/2011 19:25

DS was smacked between 18m and about 4, but since then he's not needed it - counting to 3 stops him now (if I got to 3, he'd get a smack but he alters his behaviour before 3!)

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2011 19:25

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MilaMae · 22/02/2011 19:29

Bloody hell baby what do you do then when your kids don't do as they're told and reasoning hasn't worked? Confused

MamaVoo · 22/02/2011 19:29

I've smacked DS on occasions. It doesn't really work as a punishment though because I'd never smack him hard enough to hurt him so he just ends up a bit bemused. Also he's hit me a couple of times lately, so now I've told him it's wrong to hit people it would make me a bit of a hypocrite.

I think plenty of people still give their children the odd smack on the basis that it didn't do them any harm. It might not be effective as a punishment or particularly good parenting, but it's ridiculous to call a light smack abuse.

twinkytonk · 22/02/2011 19:34

I have not smacked and won't do it either.

It's not something I will do as personally I think there are better ways to deal with stuff than lashing out.

babybarrister · 22/02/2011 19:39

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Choufleur · 22/02/2011 19:54

No - although I have screamed because I was so cross with DS.

Smacking is just not something that I do - how can you say to a child don't hit and then hit them?

JennaTailor · 22/02/2011 19:59

I have never smacked my very well behaved 8 yr old son and wouldn't - however I did smack my very well behaved 20 yr old (when he was young)and i still live with the guilt - it didn't work - I only ever smacked in anger and i am disgusted at myself that i would want to hurt my child...for any reason!

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 22/02/2011 20:01

I don't have a child yet so can't say what I would do as a parent, but I would add to the mix that my parents smacked me and my brother. It was a very effective form of punishment and helped reinforce boundaries/rules - I can vividly remember my dad dragging me by my hand smacking my bum all the way up the driveway after running into the road whilst very young.

I think as long as it's used rarely, and to reinforce rules that have previously been explained, it can't be too bad (I'm still here and have a wonderful relationship with my Dad - no mental scars)

It seems to be more taboo recently what with all the abuse cases in the media. Smacking does not = abuse, unless it gets out of hand, in my opinion.

PrivetDancer · 22/02/2011 20:03

I smacked DD1(2.6) for the first time today.
She ran off up the road away from me and I had to drop everything (including DD2 in her car seat) to grab her. she has done this a couple of times recently in car parks and had her bear confiscated for a short time but that is obviously not working. I had already decided if she did it again and didn't stop when i shouted, she was going to get a smack. It wasn't a hard one and she had thick jeans on, there's no way it would have made a mark or hurt her. It stopped her from laughing though. I don't regret it, I wasn't lashing out in temper, I want to shock her into realising just how naughty and dangerous running away is. I just hope it's worked

I won't be smacking for anything else, time out works very well in general for her, just the suggestion of it is normally all that's needed, but there is no time for warnings when your child is haring up a road with no pavement away from you.

mumbar · 22/02/2011 20:09

Yep, twice. Hated it the first time and only did it becuase my mum kept on at me it was better than the you have a choice behave or suffer a consequence.

Decided not to go there again.

Until today Blush DS had been really hard and demanding the last 2 days and started prancing around the room with a yoghurt, told him to sit down and he said but look you can mix it really fast. Cue it landing on Laptop keys. Angry

DS is 6yo btw.

I will not be doing it again as I've remembered why I chose not to in the first place.

swallowedAfly · 22/02/2011 20:16

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dribbleface · 22/02/2011 20:17

Yep i've done it.I was never gonna smack my child and have some good discipline techniques up my sleeve (nursery nurse) but i hadn't counted on DS! Only done it once or twice and he was shocked. DH smacked his leg the other night when he kicked my in the stomach after being warned to stop, but in DH's defence i am 8 weeks pregnant and i think he was feeling protective.

I was smacked as a child and bear no resentment to my parents, in fact i'm in awe that they didn't smack me more often (i was a horror!). In contrast my brother never got smacked as a no would be enough to make him stop, whereas i would see it as a challenge (can see where DS gets it from now Grin)

swallowedAfly · 22/02/2011 20:19

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WorzselMummage · 22/02/2011 20:23

Yes I have and yes I will probably do it again ( but obviously hopefully not!)

I was occasionally smacked as a child and have the most wonderful relationship with my parents, to coin a cliche phrase - I didn't do me any harm.

toeragsnotriches · 22/02/2011 20:26

Agreed, swallowedAfly . Screaming in a child's face is far more intimidating and aggressive then a tap on the hand.