To ask if you ever smack?

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

Yes i've done it, felt horrible afterwards.
Once ds ran out onto the road and to be fair he's never done it again, can't remember what age he was at the time (few years ago)
And actually the other day, he ran ahead of me round the corner to our house (which is on the corner) I was literally 30 secs behind him if that, he was no where to be found, searched the house, the garden, I was frantic someone may have grabbed him.
He was bloody hiding in the caravan in our drive, he got a smack for that (not the first time he has hidden, I have explained to him before that it worries me that a bad person might have taken him), well the message was well and truly drummed in, I doubt he will hide from me again.
I do feel terrible about smacking him though.

I was smacked and spanked as a child and I have made the decision that it definitely isn't something I will do to my own child. However I do have to acknowledge that there will be challenging behaviour ahead and the best way to deal with that is to work out a strategy in advance, like MadameDeathStare has done.

I didn't really have a clue what I would do instead but read Charlie Taylor's book Divas & Dictators (on a recommendation from someone else) - he believes that when you reach the end of your tether and are likely to lose your temper, you stop using the reasoning part of your brain and start using the most primitive area, which results in behaviour like shouting and lashing out.

It might be worth a try reading it if you'd rather resort to other consequences/punishments than smacking or shouting. I've managed not to lose it yet but my DS is still young, so plenty time yet...

Slightly agree with Bingo here. I will never smack my children, ever. My DP and I agree on this.

A couple of posters are making out it is a choice between smacking or screaming in a childs face I do neither.

My half sister smacks her son, hard enough to leave a mark. My friends smacks her daughter, a tap on the hand. Both consider it just a smack, never did me any harm etc I don't like how everybody has their own variation on what is an appropriate smack.

Don't beat yourself up over one occasion OP, but I would never consider it a discipline technique.

A few times. Not proud. Consider it a lack of control on my part.

I don't consider it a choice between smacking and screaming. Just sometimes children can be so very frustrating and scary (running into traffic etc).

I have smacked and I have shouted and I have apologised. It is a source of great guilt for me as a parent. I am trying to stop and count and catch myself. It doesnt work.

I might be unpopular here but I do smack occasionally (rarely and certainly not hard enough to leave a mark or to be really painful) and I find it works very very well in certain situations, especially with one of my children. I never thought I would smack but I have found it very effective and it does work with my dc. However, it only works because of it's very limited use imo and could see it becoming far less effective if it was used more than rarely.

I have smacked and will do so again if the need arises. Not at all sorry and don't believe I am wrong to do so (obviously or I wouldn't do it).

DS1 is past the age where a smack would be necessary/effective now and we too are onto the xbox removal being by far the most effective punishment.

I will try other things first, but if they are being a snot I will give a warning that the next time will result in a smack and do so if the behaviour continues.

I think DS1 has been smacked maybe 3 times over the years, I don't make threats I am not going to carry through with so he doesn't push it. DS2 is only 11 months so obviously it hasn't come up yet and we are still in the redirecting phase.

My ds is one in a week. I tell him "No" firmly twice and if he continues to eat the plugs/rip books etc he gets a sharp tap on his hand.

Usually I tell him no just once and he gives up. He hates being smacked and is slowly learning what behaviour results in one.

Don't feel like you have failed you are human ,my brother and I would get a smack on the leg very occaisonally If we had been really naughty and once my aunty caught my brother trying to climb over the railings on a tower block flat ,she got such a fright and slapped his leg . We came to no harm at all from a couple of smacks .
If it was a loss of control then next time take time out a deep breath and take her toys away she can earn them back with good behaviour that tends to work .
My dh and I have agreed not to use smacking as a punishment but that does not mean it might not happen lik I say we are all human and sometimes children can push you to your very limits .

NO!

What kind of lesson is it for a child that to get your own way you need to inflict violence. You can dress it up how you want but it is still using violence as a way of controlling - wrong!

I don't smack because I was brought up in a culture where it was frowned upon. But I have never met a parent who hasn't once done something they felt was unreasonable. Whether smacking or shouting or saying something they knew was unfair. If we spend our time beating ourselves up, we'll just end up getting impossible to live with. Move on.

Even the thought of a child being smacked makes me feel sick.

However it is rationalised it's violence against a child.

'physical chastisement' - you hit your child. No need to phrase it any other way imo.

I've never smacked - I was always "open minded" about smacking before I became a parent, but now I am one I've found I dont "need" to or want to. I dont think, with my children, the ages they are at the moment anyway, that it would be effective.

I have days where I am grumpy and unpleasantish to them for no apparent reason (hormones, probably, this coil is the culprit I think...) and I always apologise if "I'm grumpy today" but I'm yet to "lose it" with them. Hey its early days, they are preschool age still...

I am by no means perfect and have also apologised to DD1 if I have snapped at her or lost patience but I can honestly say I could never, ever lay a finger on my children.

No I haven't and I hope I never will. I can't say that I haven't felt like it when pushed to the end of my rope, because I have, but know that it would be me losing control. I don't expect my children to hit me or anyone else so I don't see why I should hit them just because they are children. I wouldn't hit an adult. I don't think that a top on the hand is abusive but just that there are other ways to discipline your children.

*tap