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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

As I spent most of my time here..I thought I'd use it to say goodbye

672 replies

ThePosieParker · 22/02/2011 16:17

As starkly reminded by recent threads, MN is not the sort of place that I feel very safe, with or without anonymity. I don't expect to be missed, I have often been quite and outspoken bitch on here and haven't exactly made a lot of friends. I am delighted to have met some of the feminists, and will hopefully see them again. But twice in two weeks I've had PMs reminding me of things I've posted about my husband and I'm really upset about it. For me MN has been a quick knee jerk experience, one that captures my mood at any moment. So toodle pip.....about time I did more with the dcs anyway.

I am really aware that this is an attention seeking thread, but I just wanted MN to know that I won't be the only one leaving when apparent heartbreak (not mine) is fodder for someone's 'shit stirring Sunday'.....

OP posts:
carminaburana · 23/02/2011 11:08

Xenia - your posts are always so sensible and level headed - I always feel like I've just had a warm beautiful bubble bath after reading them -

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/02/2011 11:09

The FB and Twitter buttons are not to the right of every post Val. They were removed from specific boards to discourage people from linking sensitive threads to those sites. The thread I started in site stuff about this specific issue acknowledges however, that many people were completely unaware of their absence. That thread calls for MNHQ to make their policy explicit, while acknowledging that there is apparently nothing available to detect and stop people from abusing the policy and linking anyway.

In fairness to ALG, she said on that thread that she honestly didn't know if, had there been a warning not to tweet threads on that board, she would have gone ahead anyway.

FN It's a shame you've posted your impressions about a thread that you admit you haven't read. Fortunately for the OP, she got lots of constructive advice and was helped enormously by people who had her interests at heart - and not an agenda to persuade her that her own anti-porn stance was unreasonable and deluded.

Why reading a a feminist, anti-porn stance would anger a woman so much that she felt the need to pursue the argument on another site is beyond me frankly and SGM is absolutely correct about the tweeted references to female body parts - it was blatant misogyny, apart from being cruel and ultimately cowardly. However, even allowing for the fact that we have all done strange things in the heat of anger, a sincere apology would have stopped this in its tracks.

Continuing with a defiant stance, making repeated cruel remarks on other threads about the original poster's distress and sending PMs that whatever their content, are likely to inflame or make a poster feel bad, look like more than temporary red-mist anger to me and more like enormous character flaws, but to those of us who don't know any of the people in RL, we can only assess people by their actions on here.

FWIW, I think Posie should have reported the PM, stood her ground and let MNHQ get on with it. Since yet again it appears to be hearsay about MNHQ's response, we can only offer conjecture about the reasons for the ban. However, I would suggest that if a banning has occurred, it will be because of a series of actions and not the PM that spawned this thread.

Rehabbibu · 23/02/2011 11:11

". When people stop responding ever to anything the web site dies." well, yes, but the other extreme isn't any more helpful - flogging a dead horse, etc (which I suspect I've already started on the other thread).

Hullygully · 23/02/2011 11:12

What IS the other thread, Habb? Like a bit of a ruck on the old English front

Rehabbibu · 23/02/2011 11:14

This, Hully. However, i've come over all twattish, so it's not that edifying.

lovenamechange100 · 23/02/2011 11:21

OMG only just logged on to email and found a private message - Ive never had one before, I was scared to open it!

Im packing to go away

Im sorry that posie has had all this shite but I'm please to see a thourough discussion taking place about standards of use and the contining porn debate.

Its much too much for me I am TTC yer know! Grin

Bye bye for now big thumbs up to posieparker and two fingers to the PMer

Blatherskite · 23/02/2011 11:23

But WWIFN, we're back to Chinese Whispers! ALG did not "persue the arguement on another site" - it just wouldn't be possible in 140 character snippets for a start off! - she came on Twitter and said something along the lines of "Ooh, I've upset a lot of people, I'm going to lose some followers" Other Twitterers then asked her which thread and she linked.

I agree that if Posie was so upset then she should have reported to MNHQ and left it at that. The Name and Shame thread was unnecessary and in bad taste IMO.

and ALG has been banned, she's said as much.

lovenamechange100 · 23/02/2011 11:26

Is this a new mouldie gate> I conly came back last week Sad re speaking of other websites????

A LOT OF POSTERS ON HERE SUPPORTED NAME AND SHAME, why would you not want to know to avoid a stalking abusive MNer?

Blatherskite · 23/02/2011 11:38

MmeLindt has read the PMs and said that they were not as bad as they're being made out to be. Not stalking or abusive.

Obviously they upset PP but that should have been sorted out between her, ALG and MNHQ IMO.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/02/2011 11:42

I don't use Twitter Blatherskite and for those of us who choose not to, it's true we were reliant on posters who do, to report the tweets they'd seen, accurately. However, I do trust the OP of the thread that was linked, who does twitter. She and lots of others reported a deeply misogynistic phrase being used about other Mumsnetters, the only debate about which is whether the word "sealed" or "sewn" was used - as if that makes any difference to the overall intent of the phrase used Hmm.

Likewise, where has it been confirmed on this site that ALG was banned and more materially, why?

FWIW, I don't have a problem with posters querying an about-turn in someone's views, or even outright lies. I have the memory of an elephant and am frequently sceptical, but tend to challenge it on the thread. I do tend to respect the information I've gleaned from deleted threads though, assuming that they've been deleted by a poster for a very good reason - and they won't want to be reminded of it either on the thread or a PM. I understand why a PM might seem preferable to an open challenge on a thread, but given that Posie was actually being remarkably (and unwisely IMO) appeasing to ALG on the site stuff thread that generated ALG's PM, it still seems a rather odd thing to do that was almost guaranteed to upset and unsettle.

Vallhala · 23/02/2011 11:46

WWIFN, apologies, I wasn't aware that there aren't Twitter icons alongside every topic's posts.

If, as I think might be the case, there are Twitter icons alongside the posts which Alouise linked to then surely my argument stands in this particular case regardless of the fact that those icons are not available on other parts of the MN forum?

I still believe that any offensive material should have been raised with MNHQ and not here though, and that applies to both parties.

MmeLindt · 23/02/2011 11:47

Lovenamechange
I don't think anyone is arguing that ALG was in the right, in PMing PP. Most are in agreement that it was, at best, misguided. I don't believe it was out of malice, most determination to get the last word, to win the argument.

She is a stubborn old thing, that ALG (said with affection)

Blatherskite · 23/02/2011 11:56

The only person who could confirm ALG's ban is ALG herself (who has been banned and so can't comment on this site) or MNHQ.

ALG has said on Twitter though that she has been banned.

The problem with some of this issue hapening off-site is that non-Twitterers are having to rely on others to report back and a lot of those reporters have a bias one way or another.

LeQueen · 23/02/2011 12:04

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonker · 23/02/2011 12:10

I don't think so LeQ, if you are then so am I.

LeQueen · 23/02/2011 12:16

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/02/2011 12:22

Val the thread that was linked was in Relationships. That entire board doesn't have the FB and Twitter links, for the very reason that threads that appear on that board are on the whole, not suitable to be "tweeted". The thread concerned should never have been tweeted.

NinkyNonker · 23/02/2011 12:24

Hmmm, let me think. I have just discovered that I can put my make up on one handed, left handed, in the dark whilst trapped under a sleeping baby...that must count?

Other than that I only have speed reading (must be a common one), pedantry and secret judgy pants to offer.

LeQueen · 23/02/2011 12:27

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LeQueen · 23/02/2011 12:28

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/02/2011 12:29

And Blatherskite be honest. No "biased reporting" would be required one way another from reporting factually that the term "sealed-up-vagina brigade" was used. That is an offensive, misogynistic term whoever uses it. It's just wrong, on so many levels.

Vallhala · 23/02/2011 12:32

WWIFN, I stand corrected again. Sorry.

In that case there is not the justification that I first thought and I'm sorry to have unintentionally misled people. Blush

NinkyNonker · 23/02/2011 12:33

Haha, either which way! We'll see just how useful shortly when I venture out into daylight/public.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/02/2011 12:34

No worries at all Val Smile. In fact, I'm so glad you raised it, because that is precisely why I started the thread in Site Stuff, because so many posters are unclear about MNHQ's policy on this.

TheShriekingHarpy · 23/02/2011 12:38

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