As I spent most of my time here..I thought I'd use it to say goodbye

[ThePosieParker]

As starkly reminded by recent threads, MN is not the sort of place that I feel very safe, with or without anonymity. I don't expect to be missed, I have often been quite and outspoken bitch on here and haven't exactly made a lot of friends. I am delighted to have met some of the feminists, and will hopefully see them again. But twice in two weeks I've had PMs reminding me of things I've posted about my husband and I'm really upset about it. For me MN has been a quick knee jerk experience, one that captures my mood at any moment. So toodle pip.....about time I did more with the dcs anyway.

I am really aware that this is an attention seeking thread, but I just wanted MN to know that I won't be the only one leaving when apparent heartbreak (not mine) is fodder for someone's 'shit stirring Sunday'.....

sadly,i allegedly stalk mn others.so plate full

hope you find penetrating probing pal to satisfy

Been knitting... so... SS (not entirely sure the full name) had a thread about finding her H's porn in the children's bathroom. ParkerPosie made a comment, something that clearly pegged her as someone who is against porn. Alouiseg outed PP in a PM by saying she knew PP was previously a porn star from digging through old threads and insinuated about outing publicly who she is. Am I right?

If anything, I'm certainly getting to 'know' and remember all on this thread here. I've only ever received one PM for a flapjack recipe. Its a good flapjack recipe.

I have a 'Mad as a box of frogs, do not engage' list and a 'will burst into floods of tears, don't bother' list and a 'poke them and watch them go off' list.

I change facts and lie and am very inconsistent everywhere I post online. Would rather just chat and not have anybody be able to find me IRL.

Surely though MNHQ have seen all the pm's etc and have made a decision to ban the person.

I tend to think that Alouise got backed into a corner and rather than apologising even a 'sorry if i've offended you but . . .' type apology she just kept fighting.

But who knows - presumably only MNHQ know the full story.

Mary
Don't know about anyone else, but I received the text of the PMs and have not shared them with anyone. And I don't intend to as I was asked not to.

Ooh, GotArt - I'd like a good flapjack recipe. Can you post in in food, maybe?

I am pissed off with the whole PM thing because they introduced it about a month after I paid for CAT in order to sort out some book club stuff. Should have asked for my money back (humph)

And as for all this internettiquette stuff. I wish this thread had existed a few days ago when I was told 'there are no customs on the internet' you could probably write a whole book just on AIBU rules of engagement.

But I really can't imagine getting so bent out of shape over a thread I would bother to back check someones posting history and them PM them about it. Even if you dont consider it stalkerish it's still pretty obsessive, I'd say it was time she stepped away from the Internet for a while anyway. It's not necessary to have the last word every single time.

Most people wouldn't want to be emailed off line about sometihng on line. I have no obection if (a) they are going to pay me to do work for them or (b) I suppose if they were a suitable potential husband (unlikely on MN).

I do think the principle which is very clear now that posting even anonymously and blogging and twitter even if totaly anonymously done are regarded as public activities and you do so at your peril with no privacy protection seems to be the position (in law) so you give stuff away at your peril. If people have nothing better to do than follow the posts of others and piont out inconsistencies they mustn't have an awful lot to do but there's nothing to stop anyone just choosing not to read a personal message sent to them or an email from someone who has recognised them from what they've posted.

There was a policeman who anonymously blogged and he could not prevent the Times disclosing who he was. They had pieced together facts about him - can't remember what it was - only memebr of the force in his region doing Morris dancing - not that but something else. So I suppose the important issue for everyone is only say what you want in the public domain because it is public. It is not a confidential discussion with a few friends.

People really take the time to carry on disagreements via PM?

I am genuinely surprised. I can understand typing a response on a thread in the heat of the moment, but to actually go to the trouble of reading someone's old threads and then sending them a message about it, that is a bit obsessive.
I am not sure I could even muster up that level of dedicated anger for anyone I know in real life!

I managed to completely miss the porn thread but was on Twitter the night in question and saw some of ALouiseG's tweets. IMO a lot of this can be put down to chinese whispers.

In the same way that "sealed up vagina brigade" became "sewn up vagina brigade" became "FGM" - 'Oooh, I'm going to lose some followers over this one' has become 'come and laugh at these idiots' What's she's written has been re-told by so many people - all with their own slant on the situation - that it's now become almost unrecognisable to the original.

Same goes for the PM's. I haven't seen them - very few people have - but I certainly trust MmeLindt when she says there are not as bad as everyone makes out. And because no-one has seen them, they are drawing their own conclusions as to what must have been in them - conclusions that are probably wrong.

TBH, Posie's drip feed name and shame thread and the fact that once she finally left, she took the arguement to Twitter and carried on goading AlouiseG, makes me lose all sympathy for her.

I don't 'know' AlouiseG. I follow her on Twitter mainly because I recognised her as a MNer but I really do feel like all this witch hunt mentality was really unfair on her. Threads get Tweeted all the time and I'm sure worse PM's have been sent but they don't usually end in a banning. I don't agree with what she did but I don't think it's as bad as it's being made out to be either.

In the hope that Posie is still reading...

I don't know anything about porn, and even less about twitter, and know only that I've "met" Alouiseg on politics threads....but...

Over the last few years I have completely re-evaluated you, Posie, when I first "met" you, I could never imagine agreeing with you on anything, and now, I can hardly imagine the opposite (and I still l-o-l when I think of you hiding in the bushes with the Mr Kiplings when Dave went to Riven's) So I hope you do come back, and I hope at least to see you on FB (as I was chuffed that you invited me to be your friend on there when I've always thought I slipped under most people's MN-FB radar and have never dared invite anyone myself because I'd be a Billy-no-mates )

rocketleaf she didn't back-check Posie's history -I believe the things she referred to were deleted long ago anyway - as I said, people's memories are not wiped clean the second you walk away from them. Especially not when people have over-shared.

It was not so much nitpicking about the content of specific posts, more that ALG felt that PP's new-found zeal for feminism was turning her into a slightly melodramatic hypocrite who needed to be reminded of a few home truths. To have laid it out bare on the forum would have been bad form so it was PMed. I only got the scantest glance of the thread that kicked off, but I got the impression from subsequent threads that the Feminist Posse hijacked SS's distress over the Twitter thing, and used it score points for their own anti-porn agenda. Can you honestly imagine they'd have been so bothered to rabidly defend SS's honour had the thread not had an appealing anti-man angle for them to lap up?

FWIW I think if ALG hadn't felt so attacked she would not have said what she did to Posie - it was borne of frustration. Maybe she should have apologised over the Twitter thing there and then, and maybe she would have, had she not felt used a scapegoat to further the Feminist Posse's moral crusade.

And I agree with what MmeLindt said - I've seen more vicious things said openly in a thread many a time, and unless someone bothers to be affronted, they remain undeleted to this day. For one-off spats the worst that happens is a deletion, and maybe quiet word from MNHQ. Whatever you think about the content of the PMs, this was not a sustained bullying campaign or weird threatening stalkery behaviour - not by a long way.

Anyway, I'm stepping away from this now.

have a break
change your name
come back

I've done that about many times over the years!

Good to have a break; this place can be a time-sucker imho!!

Great if you are very self disciplined but not if you're not.

Great for emergencies like mc (mumsnet was an enormous help then)

Great for a laugh or practical advice.

But for venting.... it wastes too much of my time because so addictive!

Thanks for your PM Posie - forgive me but I think under the circumstances it's best not to reply privately.

Anyway - I thought you'd left? No? Thought not.

That's what I mean Lenin it's this obsession with having the last word and being proved right every time. Or trying to convince someone with an opposing view when you know it's flogging a dead horse. I am all for lively debate but There is definitely a knack in knowing when to walk away too.

FN, sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick but pulling someone up on what's been said years ago is still a bit petty in my view.

On Netmums another site, you have the option as to whether you wish to receive PM's or not, or just receive PM's from your named contacts. Surely this would be a better option on here? Or is that option available but nobody chooses to use it?

To be honest, it seems to me that this whole palaver has blown up over people needing to win an argument or have the last word as Rocketleaf says. I missed the original thread and quite a lot of the fallout from it but I get the general gist.

Argument on thread - taken over to another website, presumably to try to have the last word
Someone else starts a thread about it - another attempt to have the last word
Someone sends PMs about it - more of the same
Someone starts a thread announcing what has gone on behind the scenes - another last word attempt.

It could go on and on.

FellatioNelson talks a lot of sense and may well be right about the motivation behind the PMs, although I don't really get why someone would feel that someone else needed to be "reminded of a few home truths". It's an internet forum. You agree with someone or you disagree. Taking challenges to someone's stance behind the scenes by PM kind of defeats the whole purpose of a forum. If it needs to be said then it should be said publicly. If it can't be said publicly then it probably shouldn't be said at all. These are strangers on the internet, not your nearest and dearest whose views and behaviour actually affects your life. If you are concerned about the impact on someone else reading the thread, then the challenge should be public.

Agree with Lenin.

Good post, Blatherskite (and not just cause you agree with me).