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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Porn. Not a thread about a thread so much as a thread ^inspired^ by a thread

267 replies

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 10:36

From what I have seen on MN, it seems I am in a very small minority not to have a problem with porn? Its a complete non-issue to me whether my DH uses porn.
I just dont understand it? Yes, I am aware that women can be exploited, but that is true of so many other things too. And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway.
What is so bad about watching people having sex? To anyone that says its poorly acted, why does that matter so much? Lots of TV programmes are poorly acted, that doesnt stop people enjoying them!

I obviously dont think AIBU, but am curious to know why people would think I am? And okay, part of me is hoping that the use of porn will have a less extreme reaction away from the Relationships board?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:06

You have answered a different question to the one I asked you moonbeam.

I asked you if you could really not understand that many women genuinely think porn is degrading to women. Do you really think that women who say "porn is degrading" are actually jealous 99% of the time? Can you not see how many women might really actually think it's degrading?

janiesmum · 22/02/2011 20:06

i couldnt care less if OH watches/reads porn or not, its completely up to him

i like to have a look now and again, nothing wrong with that, completely healthy imo

its not degrading at all, the woman/man chooses to do it, usually for a great deal of cash :)

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:06

i bet the women didnt turn the money down. not so degrading when they rakin the cash in is it

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 20:07

Ah well, maybe it was the way I read it. Anyway, the more important point I was trying to make it that finding pornography degrading to those who are in it, is not 'a line' trotted out in order to cover up jealousy or a controlling nature. A point I notice you failed to address.

Hey ho. Don't know why I'm getting involved in this anyway. Seems to be a big mental loonfest about pornography on here at the moment.

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:10

exactly janies mum! i think people are mixing porn with rape? Porn the women get paid very well and i bet 99% of them enjoy there job.

Sardine..i think 'porn is degrading' IS an easy get out for really meaning

I don't want my husband looking at them women cos they have better bodies/boobs than me etc

The thing that alot of women forget is that there husband is with them because they love them...they don't see that woman as being 'real'. So yes...i believe that perhaps 90% of the time it is an easy get out for 'i'm jealous and insecure'

Not all the time granted...but i bet if the ladies who say it truly admitted it to themselves..they are just jealous/insecure. Why would they be too bothered about what anopther woman does for a job? They get paid very well for working in the industry and they love it.

Tortington · 22/02/2011 20:11

i think you missed the point somewhat janet.

if for instance someone paid me a great deal of money to pop ping pong balls out of my fanny and i decided due to life circumstances that i would indeed take the money, that does not mean that i am not necessarily feeling degraded. Also it doesn't mean that i am not being degraded by others.

i think the word 'choice' is a loaded word when refering to the porn industry.

i don't have objections to porn per se - but i think there needs to be a strong framework ensuring that women have a real choice and that they are not exploited over and above what any worker is exploited, and that their working conditions are safe and clean.

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:14

Am a bit flabbergasted that anyone would have such a failure of empathy that they would be literally unable to see how many women could genuinely think porn is degrading.

You learn something every day.

And FWIW janet I very much doubt that the women in the picure my friend sent me got very highly paid for having a picture taken with a fish up her fanny Hmm

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:14

Shirley i have addressed the 'trotting out a line'

I think if they admit it deep down it is jealousy...why would people be so bothered what a consenting woman chooses to do to earn her money?

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 20:15

a consenting woman chooses to do

Oh, if only. Plus ca change..

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:15
janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:15

there are things i wouldnt do for cash tho because id be degraded, no matter how much i needed the money. you could offer me money to lick shoes clean. id rather starve tbh.
so no i dont think people go into the porn industry because they HAVE to. i think they go into it because they WANT to

Malificence · 22/02/2011 20:15

Dan Savage is a gay man, lots of gay men hate and despise women, most certainly wouldn't understand them - my DH is neither a "liar" nor "castrated" Hmm The man's a fucking idiot.

That's the main issue for me too Parsnips, why would a man make such a fuss over his right to use something he doesn't need?
Don't forget the usual speil is : "it's meaningless" , not so meaningless that a man woudn't risk his relationship for his habit.

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:16

Sardine, people can get exlpoited in ANY job...not just porn.

I bet all these who are disgusted and shocked at degrading women in porn still shop at Primark Wink

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:18

You think I am jealous if when we are in the pub my DH is shown a video of a woman eating a turd?

You think I am jealous when I am Hmm about my work colleague sending me a picture of a woman with a fish up her vagina?

You don't for a minute believe that I might think that those images are degrading to women?

Bizarre.

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 20:18

I can assure you Moonbeamnumbers that I am certainly in no way jealous or insecure about myself, I have friend and have had partners who use pornography. I still think it's degrading to the majority of people in the industry, and I don't even think that degrading is the right word TBH.

Most people who have had normal healthy upbringings, with a normal teenage life, who are not drug users or horrendously poor, do not go into the sex industry. Would you Moonbeamnumbers? Would you want your children to?

No one ever answers this question do they?

And to be honest I find your dismissal of people's opinions as a front for some kind of deficiency in themselves as childish.

Tortington · 22/02/2011 20:18

i can't be arsed - its like fuckwitville

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:20

Is it illegal on MN to say that sometimes people don;t seem very bright?

I can understand the pro-porn POV - there are some women on here who argue it very well. This aint them.

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 20:22

Sardine queen you are making me laugh inappropriately. Please cease and desist.

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:22

sardine, if i was in the pub and was shown a vid of a woman eating a turd, id laugh whilst watchin it and probs be going yukk bork etc

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 20:23

What horrible terrible things have befallen you, Janet?

Malificence · 22/02/2011 20:24

It's like an invasion from netmums. Hmm

You can't argue with the terminally stupid.

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:25

Shirley its 32 :) easier to type than 'numbers'

eating turds is not a part of 'normal' porn to me. Not something i have watched nor would i want to.

As far as i'm aware porn is consenting sex between 2 or more adults....fetish is totally different.

Maybe the woman liked fish up her fanny?
Confused

And no where am i dismissing other peoples opinions...i'm just voicing my own :)
I enjoy a bit of porn with my DH every now and again and i have no objection to him watching it :)

I will answer the children question too. I want my children to be happy. Simple! if they choose...choose being the main word there! then i would still support them in what they choose to do. Its not a career i would hope they have ambitions for but regardless, so long as they are happy in their life...that is the main thing

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:25

well i have seen the vid of 2 girls 1 cup and whilst i agree it was very disgusting, if women want to do that, its their choice. personally i wouldnt
ive also seen fingerpainting - again, whatever floats ya boat

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 20:26

And have a bit of HIV no biggie

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 20:27

Janet - the IF in your sentence probably has more significance than you grant it