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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Porn. Not a thread about a thread so much as a thread ^inspired^ by a thread

267 replies

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 10:36

From what I have seen on MN, it seems I am in a very small minority not to have a problem with porn? Its a complete non-issue to me whether my DH uses porn.
I just dont understand it? Yes, I am aware that women can be exploited, but that is true of so many other things too. And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway.
What is so bad about watching people having sex? To anyone that says its poorly acted, why does that matter so much? Lots of TV programmes are poorly acted, that doesnt stop people enjoying them!

I obviously dont think AIBU, but am curious to know why people would think I am? And okay, part of me is hoping that the use of porn will have a less extreme reaction away from the Relationships board?

OP posts:
RandyRussian · 22/02/2011 13:23

*caught obv.

madonnawhore · 22/02/2011 13:23

cantspel there's a difference between the written word aiding your imagination and getting a sexual thrill from seeing a real, physical woman having her body used to act out a degrading sex act .

As someone already said upthread, fantasies know no boundaries so in the fantasiser's head anything goes. No one else needs to be involved.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 13:24

Grin @ RandyRussian.

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 13:25

i used to hate porn, found it very degrading for the woman. this was when i was with my ex. i wasnt allowed to look at any rude pics or watch 'facts of life' programs as he thought i was a dirty cow for watching it.
once he moved out, i started exploring things and still found straight porn 'dirty' so I looked at lesbian porn and found it much more comfortable. my fella im with now is fine with me looking at it and i am fine wth him looking at it. we all like to get our rocks off to something. he even sends me pictures and videos.
Now when looking at straight porn, im more comfortable with it

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 13:25

It looks like I'm disagreeing with myself there Grin

What I mean is, if you object to porn because you are offended that your DP likes the "unrealness" of the actresses, its a bit of a doublestandard to like the perfect men in written form.

OP posts:
ThePosieParker · 22/02/2011 13:25

Jenna Jameson is not a happy unfucked up woman is she? And she's the success story.

Malificence · 22/02/2011 13:26

"But would you be ok with your oh having a wank to a woman being spitroasted in written form"

I would be ok with it, yes, well I would fall off my chair in surprise because he doesn't masturbate but in theory I would have no problem with it because no-one has been harmed by what's written on a page and fantasy in your head is just that, fantasy, nobody is suffering by you imagining it.

ThePosieParker · 22/02/2011 13:27

How ludicrous....written fantasy, using an imagination and porn abusing real people...

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 13:28

I suspect that when the rose-tine glasses drop off and get trampled on, a la Jenna James, the millions of pounds are worthless. Unless you can use them to reverse HIV/herpes/anal prolapse and the mental issues side of being a fuck toy.

Sorry I can't even think of a nicer word for it :(

Gemsy83 · 22/02/2011 13:29

PMSL Janets of course he isn't uncomfortable with you looking at lesbian porn....Hmm

anonacfr · 22/02/2011 13:30

Has anyone ever watched feminist porn? I read The Purity Myth the other day and the author mentioned the growing trend for female-friendly 'feminist' porn.

From what I've seen (and heard) of mainstream porn it seems to be that the trend is to see from how many orifices a woman can be penetrated at the same time without exploding.
Either that or such explicit close-ups that you might as well be taking a biology class.

However I believe that women can be as visually stimulated as men. It would be interesting to see what female film-makers can come up with.

PigValentine · 22/02/2011 13:30

But isn't one of the principle objections to porn, other than the exploitation of real people, that it reinforces negative images of women, sexuality, etc? The same is true of erotic fiction.

madonnawhore · 22/02/2011 13:31

"perhaps your DH could be hurt that you are fantasizing over perfect men, rather than him with his beer belly, just the same as you may be upset with him looking at pictures of young pert girls, rather than you with your post-pregnancy belly and saggy boobs."

That's bananas. You can't argue that it's comparable or reasonable for someone to say to their partner: "I don't want you imagining members of the opposite sex who are more attractive than me". It's unhinged.

Having said that, I would be equally as disturbed if my partner liked reading novels about graphic rape or violent sex to get turned on.

It's the sexual gratification derived from the description of the sex act as an aggressive, emotionally barren, violent, degrading activity that upsets me. Whether that sentiment is described through still images, moving images, or written word.

cantspel · 22/02/2011 13:31

madonnawhore If you object on the grounds it demeans, exploits or in some other way degrades women then a woman on all fours being spit roasted is the same whether in pictures or words

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 13:33

to the person who says her fella doesnt masturbate - are you sure?

all men wank

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 13:33

Of course it's not the same. Are you serious?!

madonnawhore · 22/02/2011 13:35

cantspel, read my post of 13:31:18 where I said:

"It's the sexual gratification derived from the description of the sex act as an aggressive, emotionally barren, violent, degrading activity that upsets me. Whether that sentiment is described through still images, moving images, or written word."

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 13:36

Janet - I'd advise you to stay well away from "all men wank". You will be crucified! :)

OP posts:
cantspel · 22/02/2011 13:37

On the demeans, exploits or in some other way degrades women angle it is the same. What is the difference to a story of a gangbanged woman and a film. It is the same acts against women so surely if you object to the film you must also object to the book?

I object to neither that is why i cant see why someone could object to one and not the other.

Malificence · 22/02/2011 13:38

"No one is exploited, but there is still the potential for it to hurt someone?"

I agree, that's why I think it's so important that a partner is kept in the loop, so to speak.
If they are in any way hurt by your choices, you shouldn't be carrying on regardless.

My choice of erotic reading material isn't for masturbatory purposes either, I'm too clumsy for a vibrator in one hand and a kindle in the other. Grin

cantspel · 22/02/2011 13:38

Everyone one wanks at some time or another. It is a perfectly normal thing to do.

madonnawhore · 22/02/2011 13:40

cantspel, wanking and porn aren't inextricably linked.

It's possible to wank without porn you know.

cantspel · 22/02/2011 13:41

why cant you quote on this board??? it is just so confusing trying to remember who i am replying to ^ was to shirley

squeakytoy · 22/02/2011 13:44

How would anyone know if their husband wanks or not, unless they spend every waking moment with them? You just wouldnt. A man is unlikely to say say "hi love, have you had a good day, I had a great wank this morning"...

By the same token, how would a man know if his wife occasionally masturbates? again, he wouldnt.

Masturbation is not betraying your partner. Having sex with someone else is.

Lets be quite graphic here for a moment. I have got no intention of ever swallowing, whether my husband would want me to or not. I am aware many on here do it (I saw the recent thread)..its just not for me. I would much rather my husband look at a photo or a film and have a wank to it than go doing the real thing with someone else though.

Malificence · 22/02/2011 13:45

Janet Hmm Yes, I'm sure, he's not my fella, he's my husband of 26 years.

I'm not saying he never has,( of course he has, he used to work away a lot) not saying he never will again, simply stating that for the past few years, that no he doesn't. Ok?

Have women never heard of men in permanent chastity devices?

Not that DH is, he just prefers sex with me - a lot of men are though, it's a very popular fetish.