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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Porn. Not a thread about a thread so much as a thread ^inspired^ by a thread

267 replies

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 10:36

From what I have seen on MN, it seems I am in a very small minority not to have a problem with porn? Its a complete non-issue to me whether my DH uses porn.
I just dont understand it? Yes, I am aware that women can be exploited, but that is true of so many other things too. And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway.
What is so bad about watching people having sex? To anyone that says its poorly acted, why does that matter so much? Lots of TV programmes are poorly acted, that doesnt stop people enjoying them!

I obviously dont think AIBU, but am curious to know why people would think I am? And okay, part of me is hoping that the use of porn will have a less extreme reaction away from the Relationships board?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 22/02/2011 10:53

pmsl at shirley and meryl/laurence.

FlamingOBingo · 22/02/2011 10:53

I don't think that women don't enjoy anything other than 'normal' sex, but I don't think that women who are involved in the porn industry are getting a fair deal; and I think that the porn industry is impacting on society as a whole, including such ideas as some women who are raped having 'asked for it'. We know violence against women is connect with the objectification of women, and porn is one massive part of the objectification of women.

Personally, whether I enjoyed watching porn or not, I happily refuse to watch or look at it - small payment for fewer women being raped and my daughters having the chance to grow up in a more equal society I think!

SoupDragon · 22/02/2011 10:54

"And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway."

I agree with this. I get the impression that a large number of posters who find their partners secretly using porn are not upset because of the exploitation of the women involved.

BuzzLiteBeer · 22/02/2011 10:56

no-one answering my question then?

RandyRussian · 22/02/2011 10:58

From talking about this I get the idea that people's reactions to it are age related. It seems to bother younger women far less than older ones?

Mymblesson · 22/02/2011 10:58

Porn is dull, dull, dull. Plastic orange coloured hairless Barbies and Kens repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again.

It's shit.

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 10:58

Soupdragon and OP you seem to be talking about a specific thread then and I think you need to link?

The OP was talking about expolitation and is it wrong to watch porn, nothing about people finding out other people were using it.

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 10:58

Buzzlite if I write "No, I have no problem", I'm sure you'll go off on one.
If I write "Yes, I have a problem", I'm sure you'll go off on one.

So I'll settle for - I don't have a daughter.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 11:00

No, no, no. Don't think that thread FFS.

Milngavie · 22/02/2011 11:00

I hate it.

Years ago I found out DH (then DP) was looking at porn online and we had a huge argument (our biggest ever) which culminated in me asking him to leave. He did.

I only made him stay away one night and then when I had calmed down explained to him how it made me feel. I'd just had our second child and did not need to feel as though I was being compared to the porn 'actors'.

I've never found evidence of it since. I know that doesn't mean he doesn't use it but he knows what would happen if I find he's using it again.

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 11:00

A lot of people post on MN because they are shocked to find their DPs using porn, this isnt related to that one thread (so I wont link), I was just shocked by the extreme antiporn viewpoints on it

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 22/02/2011 11:01

I have caught my DH using porn and was slightly upset by it - this was before I read more about it on MN. More about the secrecy than anything else.

After I had informed myself about the reality of life for those involved in making of porn, I had another chat with DH and he agreed not to use it again.

I am not threatened by it, and if I was assured that those involved in the making of it were doing so voluntarily and happily, then I would not be that bothered if he were to look at porn.

Since that is not going to happen, I do object to it and would be annoyed if he were to look at porn again.

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 11:01

I don't think you can assume that all people who dislike porn, dislike it for the same reasons. The OP was asking for people's reasons for disliking porn, it didn't say anything about finding other people using it.

Is this actually a thread to have a go at women who have been upset by their OHs porn use, a topic which comes up quite a lot in relationships? I think it is pretty low to bitch about another woman's reaction to this very personal matter.

And pretty poor to dress it up as a "general" thread when there was actually a different point to it entirely.

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 11:01

allsquare - what was the point in this thread then? Confused Just to stir it all up again?

TricityBendixx · 22/02/2011 11:02

i was pretty anti porn for many of the reasons outlined above, namely it is exploitative and gives a dishonest picture of what real sex and real women are like. it was a boyfriend who opened my eyes to the difference between 'bad' ie very commercial, plastic, misogynistic porn and 'good' porn that is directed by women and geared towards a female audience, artistically/ tastefully shot and - most importantly- features real women who are having real orgasms. there is a lot of porn out there like this, and i personally think it is fun and sexy. my DP looks at porn and we look at it together.

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 11:03

Another question, are the men in porn not being "exploited"?
Is male gay porn okay as it doesnt contain any women?

OP posts:
BuzzLiteBeer · 22/02/2011 11:03

I couldn't care enough to "go off on one". I'm sure you realise my point though. People who use porn and deny the reality, pretending its a perfectly valid choice for women...they mean other women. Hypocrites.

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 11:04

allsquare you should have been more honest in your OP then.

This is not a thread about whether watching porn is reasonable, it is a thread about whether being upset by your partner watching porn is unreasonable. That is a different question.

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 11:05

I wont discuss the thread in question, its irrelevant.

The point of this thread is exactly what it says in my OP. Its nothing to do with any specific people finding their DHs using porn.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 11:05

A lot of men who star in gay porn are straight, allsquare. Do you think they are all enjoying it? Or do you think it's possible that some of them are being expolited?

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 11:06

allsqaure is this thread about porn, right or wrong.

Or is it about whether it is reasonable to be upset by finding a partner using porn.

They are different questions, which one are you asking.

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 11:08

allsquare - so you don't have a daughter so can't answer that question.

OK, I wonder if you have sons. Would you be happy for your sons to go into the porn industry? And if we're bringing gay porn into this - then lets say that your son is straight and is doing both gay and straight porn.

Do you feel that's a valid choice that you would be glad he had chosen?

MmeLindt · 22/02/2011 11:08

allsquare
Any porn that exploits someone in the making is not acceptable, whether male or female.

The industry is geared more towards straight men though.

What I don't understand is your viewpoint. You know that women are exploited, but you think that it is ok, because they are being exploited elsewhere.

Original poster
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 11:09

The thread is about porn. The only reason I mentioned the other thread is because of the antiporn viewpoints of a lot of posters, nothing to do with the MNer who found porn.

I completely understand why someone would be upset if they found their DP using porn when they are against it and thought they didnt!

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 11:10

Going out now.

Weird thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread