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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Porn. Not a thread about a thread so much as a thread ^inspired^ by a thread

267 replies

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 22/02/2011 10:36

From what I have seen on MN, it seems I am in a very small minority not to have a problem with porn? Its a complete non-issue to me whether my DH uses porn.
I just dont understand it? Yes, I am aware that women can be exploited, but that is true of so many other things too. And it seems to be the porn itself that is the problem, rather than the working conditions that bothers people anyway.
What is so bad about watching people having sex? To anyone that says its poorly acted, why does that matter so much? Lots of TV programmes are poorly acted, that doesnt stop people enjoying them!

I obviously dont think AIBU, but am curious to know why people would think I am? And okay, part of me is hoping that the use of porn will have a less extreme reaction away from the Relationships board?

OP posts:
2cats2many · 22/02/2011 20:29

I second the posters who say they wouldn't use it because it's just really BORING. I've never understood why people get off on it. It's just the same scenario being played out by same-looking people in a totally predictable way. Yawn...

Nothing wrong with a bit of erotic fiction every now and then tho'.

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:29

but the women have the choice andhave to accept the risks. i dont have a problem at all with porn. If my DH wants to watch it, its not a problem.
I dont like shitty porn, but if he wanted to watch it, its his choice - just not with me

ShirleyKnot · 22/02/2011 20:31

Ah ok then. So all women in porn are really enjoying it, all women who object are jealous and everyone gets to choose.

Fair enough moonbeamnumbers.

Smile
MogadoredMemoo · 22/02/2011 20:34

Janet do yo have a daughter? Would you be happy if you knew she was in a porn film? Drugged up to get her in the mood, gagging while a stranger pushes his dick dish her throat while somebody else is taking her from behind?

MogadoredMemoo · 22/02/2011 20:37

Janet, what about the woman I talked about earlier. She choose to star in a porn film because if she didn't the film makers where going to hurt her daughter who they were holding hostage.

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:46

I see...

you haven't managed to change my opinion to yours therefore i am stupid...ok

could you get much more narrowminded?

chandellina · 22/02/2011 20:50

it's all turned to nonsense here but just wanted to say - whenwillifeelnormal - great post earlier.

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:50

yes, i have a daughter. If she chose a porn career, no way would I be happy, but if she was happy, what could I do.
I wouldnt be happy if she shacked up with a lad/man at 17yr old with 3 kids etc, but if shes happy, what could I do

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 20:52

Last time I was on xtube or bluetube (one of those anyway) a lot of the clips seemed to feature women who were unconscious. Not sure where the choice comes into it there.

And the last time I watched a porn video for any length of time one of the women appeared to be holding the other woman's hand supportively and looking at her understandingly while she was anally penetrated by something quite large. It did not look as if the woman actually wanted to have that thing up her arse at all, and that her friend understood what she was going through.

I realised quite suddenly that there is no way of telling why any of these people are doing it - whether they are being coerced, whether they are doing it to fuel a drug habit, or feed their children or themselves, whether they have been promised a glittering career that will never materialise. Whether they have been sexually abused as children.

None of us know that stuff when we watch porn, so IMO best not to watch it. You could be watching a rape. You don't know.

BTW the argument "I like the porn that I like and it's fine - porn that I don't like is obviously not fine though that could be degrading" gets a gold star for selfish, short-sighted illogic.

MogadoredMemoo · 22/02/2011 20:52

Moonbeam, you really don't mind your husband looking at prostitutes to get off

MogadoredMemoo · 22/02/2011 20:54

Why wouldn't you be happy with her choosing a career in porn?

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:57

oh ive never heard of bluetube, thanks :)

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 20:58

mogadoredmemoo...i can't remember the last time he used porn. He doesn't hide that he watches it because he knows it doesnt offend me. He doesn't need porn to get off.

We usually watch it together if we want to.

Sardine i can't be bothered with your name calling. It's just ever so slightly pathetic. Have a decent conversation or go back to school.

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 20:58

Moga - because she will always be my little girl. But if she chose that career, theres not a thing I could do

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 21:05

moonbeam what namecalling?

Does it honestly not bother you that some of the films you watch could be rapes? Why doesn't that matter?

Janet has just rushed off to look at a website on the basis that it has film of men having sex with women who are unconscious. So from her POV I guess the answer is - that she is keen to watch women being raped Hmm

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 21:08

im not watchin it, my kids are still up

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 21:14
Confused

So you are agreeing that you are comfortable with watching rape.

I don't think there is anything to discuss then is there. If you don't object to rape then clearly you're not going to object to porn.

Confused Confused

Think I might hide this one.

Malificence · 22/02/2011 21:37

It's half term, always brings them out in droves Wink .

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 21:40

i didnt think that bluetube was about rape or anything. i assumed it was just another porn site. i dont go searching for porn. i actually prefer soft porn to hard porn

janetsplanet · 22/02/2011 21:41

sardine, how do you know that rape clips are on bluetube. did you watch them ;)

moonbeam32 · 22/02/2011 21:47

Shirley i never said ALL women enjoy it and ALL women are jealous. But then i am very open minded and believe that no situation is black and white.

And if you find it clever to write numbers then go ahead LOL. I don't get why it is so clever myself but knock yaself out Grin

begonyabampot · 22/02/2011 22:34

Saw 2 documentaries a few years ago on the porn industry. All i know is that they showed what an ugly, depressing industry it can be. One was a english porn actress going to LA to try and make it big in the industry over there. It ate her up and chewed her out and she ended up being manipulated into crossing boundaries she had never wanted to cross. The other was a 40ish married mother who wanted to break into the industry in the UK but ended up doing really seedy backyard stuff. I don't know if the doc makers started off objectively with an unbiased view or if they deliberately took the anti porn bias but I find it hard to believe that anyone who watched these documentaries could feel comfortable with what they watched and think the industry is fine. It was very distressing and both women were very pro porn and felt empowered with it (at least for a while).

anonacfr · 22/02/2011 22:44

Face it whoever thinks most porn actresses 'do it because they enjoy sex' is deluded.
It's not empowering and it's not fun- it's like saying prostitutes enjoy their 'job'.

They do it for the money, because they've been dragged into it by boyfriends/producers etc and feel they have no other prospects and get paid well for it.

As I mentioned before there is supposed to be a new trend of feminist woman-friendly porn but the average mainstream panders to men- and because porn is getting more and more accessible and mainstream-ed there's a disturbing trend towards 'degradation sex'. That's not healthy in anyone's book.
Some porn (or erotica I should say) can be quite arousing but if I caught my husband turned on by gang banging or double penetration I'd be seriously worried. And from what I hear that's tame these days. Hmm

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 22/02/2011 22:59

I notice the usual deafening silence from the political (ie objecting to the exploitation and harm of performers) anti-porn lobby on the subject of filmmakers such as Petra Joy and Anna Span, who best fit the definition of 'fairtrade' porn and make films with willing performers and also tend to steer clear of explicit misogyny.
I genuinely think that more support for such filmmakers and more demand, from those who enjoy porn, for their products, will help improve the working conditions for other performers more than simply banning All Porn would. Obviously if you don't like porn or simply find it boring, there's no need to watch it, just as there's no need to read porn fiction if you don't like that, but there's nothing inherently wrong with either wanting to look at erotic media or wanting to participate in producing it.

anonacfr · 22/02/2011 23:06

Springchicken I did ask about fairtrade (I called it feminist) porn in a previous post.
I agree that female-friendly porn is definitely 'the way to go'.
I guess the focus of the discussion has been mainstream pornography which is sadly becoming more aggressive and dismissive of women- both the actresses and the image they project.

I think 'usual deafening silence' is a tad unfair though. The issue of women and porn has been debated by a lot of female writers on blogs and in books. A lot of them agree that some women enjoy pornography but not the kind that most men seem to be watching.