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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my sister BU not letting niece go on holiday

158 replies

Bonfire · 21/02/2011 00:06

My niece is 9 nearly 10. Two years ago I asked my sister if I could take her skiing to Italy, I was just told no.

Which was OK but that summer sister allowed her friend (she has a daughter same age) to take her for a week on holiday, this was to Wales.

Last year sister's friend again took my niece to Cornwell this time. Friend was called back to work during holiday and my niece was left with friend's parents.

I wanted to take my niece skiing again this year this time to Austria, I was willing to go half term, but I was told she is too young.

I am self employed with flexible hours so whenever my sister or her husband is not available I pick her up from school (this happens at least once every two weeks and always last minute), look after her and their 3 year old over school holidays, baby sit them when they want to go out.

I looked after the younger one for over a year as they could not get a nursery place, then working late into the night and weekends to then get my work done.

They let her go horse riding so it is not as if they do not want her taking part in dangerous sport (skiing is not that dangerous anyway), although when I wanted to take her horse riding I was told no.

I now hear she s being allowed to go away camping with Brownies.

Views please.

I am 25 and single.

OP posts:
Alambil · 21/02/2011 00:08

well, all your proposed trips are abroad. Maybe that has something to do with it? in that, they could be in cornwall within hours, or at Brownie camp, but getting to Italy or Austria would be far more complicated if there were an emergency.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2011 00:31

Maybe your niece doesnt actually want to go skiing. It is slightly different to horseriding in a supervised school.

Perhaps your sister wonders if you would be drinking at night after the skiing and worries who would look after her daughter.

Tortington · 21/02/2011 00:33

i dont think she wants to go with you

MrsRhettButler · 21/02/2011 00:36

the first ting i thought about was that you are proposing to take her abroad, i think that may be the issue tbh

Maryz · 21/02/2011 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vallhala · 21/02/2011 00:39

Adrees that it's probably because your trip is abroad. I'd have turned such an offer down when my DDs were 9 or 10 too.

cat64 · 21/02/2011 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tryharder · 21/02/2011 00:44

Are you close to your niece and would she actually like to go skiing?

If so, perhaps your sister is jealous of your close relationship or jealous of you for some other reason and has vetoed the holiday because of this.

We need a bit more information to decide.

Original poster
Bonfire · 21/02/2011 00:53

Ta for all your posts so far.

She keeps asking me if she can go with me

She has stayed over, we have been shopping and on days out, we get on great and neither of my nieces want to go home when they visit me.

I do not understand why abroad makes a difference, you can be in Austria quicker then in Cornwell.

And I would never ever leave her alone and go drinking, I would take her drinking with me :)

Seriously I have looked after both their girls while parents work, so I can not see why it is a trust issue. It is always me they turn to when they ned looking after yet i feel it is.

I do not drink, well not the last couple of years

OP posts:
Morloth · 21/02/2011 01:17

I wouldn't let anyone other than DH take my children overseas under the age of about 14.

greendiamond · 21/02/2011 02:02

Can you not just ask your sister, instead of trying to guess the reason?

BadaBingBang · 21/02/2011 04:35

I don't know the answer, to be honest. If your sister is envious of the realtionship, you'll need to work on making her understand that you know the most important person in your neice's life is her mother. Once she doesn't feel threatended maybe she'll come to realise the fantastic benefits that can be had from the love and support of an extended family. BTW, you sound like a terrific aunt:)

iscream · 21/02/2011 04:38

Obviously she trusts you to take good care of them, since you have done so often. So it must be leaving the country, or worrying about a ski accident. Go ahead and ask your sister why, perhaps you can arrange something your sister is more comfortable with?

iscream · 21/02/2011 04:40

Or maybe your sister will say when dn is 12/14/16 ? she may go, something to plan and look forward to? Is there a ski class in her area you could gift her with, to be prepared, when the time comes?

MorticiaAddams · 21/02/2011 08:27

There doesn't have to be a logical reason for her saying no. Sometimes as a parent you feel uncomfortable about things and that is enough to make you say no.

I completely trust my sister with my children but thinking about your situation I think I would also say no. No good reason, it's just a gut reaction.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/02/2011 08:44

Agree with Morticia. It might be illogical for your sister to worry about her being abroad with you if she could reach you quicker than she could get to Cornwall, but sometimes parents fears are not rational. I wouldn't want mine to go abroad without me either.

It is honestly not a reflection on you. You sound like a lovely aunt. I think you should tell your niece that she can go with you when she is older.

UC · 21/02/2011 08:52

If she was my daughter, I'd say yes! So long as you were going to look after her well, not take her out drinking Grin.

omaoma · 21/02/2011 08:53

could it be that you are offering super-glamorous breaks that your sister isn't able to? It's a pretty big investment to take somebody skiing abroad.

she might feel a bit gutted that they can't just swoop off for an expensive skiing break...

PedlarsSpanner · 21/02/2011 08:57

okay

harsh words coming:

you don't have children so you cannot understand why a parent would say yes to a UK hol but not to an abroad hol. Of course it appears irrational and unreasonable to you, but nevertheless it is valid for a parent to say no.

right

next, why are you proposing to take only one child when your sister has two?

QuintessentialShadows · 21/02/2011 08:58

I would not send my 7 year old abroad skiing.

In addition, I might trust my sister, but not the rest of the group travelling.

daytoday · 21/02/2011 09:00

I would say no. Wouldn't want my DC to go abroad with anyone other than their dad. If there were to be an accident skiiing - a broken leg (not uncommon!) I would be in an absolute flap and feel awful. For me, its the thought of the DC flying down a snow mountain hill.

I don't think you should take it personally - it sounds as though you have a lovely relationship with your niece / sister. I doubt its a jealousy thing either -

Agree with other posters - could you ask her?

nenevomito · 21/02/2011 09:02

Two reasons. 1) Its abroad and 2) Skiing accidents.

I am not saying that 2) would happen or that you wouldn't be careless, but that is why I wouldn't let my children go skiing without me.

The GPs are taking the kids to Wales this summer. They had previously asked about France and I'd said no, not until they're older and that didn't include them hurtling down a mountain on two bits of wood Grin

daytoday · 21/02/2011 09:03

One other thought, please no harm intended -

but - is it that you would like to go skiing and want someone to go with?

Its just, that at 25, I would have loved skiing with my own friends, my own age.

nenevomito · 21/02/2011 09:03

Sorry that should say "or that you would be careless". oops!

solooovely · 21/02/2011 09:03

I don't think that your opinion that "it's no big deal going to Austria and that you can get there quicker then cornwall" actually has anything to do with it. If your sister feels it's too far and that she doesn't want her DD going abroad without her then that's all that matters.

You have just dismissed this reason. Maybe that's why you don't understand why your sister doesn't want to her child going away so far with you. You're not thinking it through enough and keep offering to do the same thing over and over that your sister isn't happy with. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!