Is my sister BU not letting niece go on holiday

[Bonfire]

My niece is 9 nearly 10. Two years ago I asked my sister if I could take her skiing to Italy, I was just told no.

Which was OK but that summer sister allowed her friend (she has a daughter same age) to take her for a week on holiday, this was to Wales.

Last year sister's friend again took my niece to Cornwell this time. Friend was called back to work during holiday and my niece was left with friend's parents.

I wanted to take my niece skiing again this year this time to Austria, I was willing to go half term, but I was told she is too young.

I am self employed with flexible hours so whenever my sister or her husband is not available I pick her up from school (this happens at least once every two weeks and always last minute), look after her and their 3 year old over school holidays, baby sit them when they want to go out.

I looked after the younger one for over a year as they could not get a nursery place, then working late into the night and weekends to then get my work done.

They let her go horse riding so it is not as if they do not want her taking part in dangerous sport (skiing is not that dangerous anyway), although when I wanted to take her horse riding I was told no.

I now hear she s being allowed to go away camping with Brownies.

Views please.

I am 25 and single.

I have never been skiing

I would never allow anyone to take my under 10 year old skiing

I would allow my 16 year old to go

my 13 year old would be borderline

however I would let my 13 year old go away for a week with a friend's family within this country

it's the air travel and the potentially dangerous sport

I ahve never been skiing. I perceive it as a very risky activity. This is because I know several people who have injured themselves while skiing. I would be reluctant to even take my children skiing myself. I would absoloutly not let another adult take them skiing alone.
I have no particular issues with kids going abroad. My issue would be completely to do with the skiing. As I was reading this thread I wondered when you were going to ski? Persumably you are fairly advanced but how are you going to get an opportunity to ski on the big slopes if you have your niece with you? Where and with who would you leave her? Would you be happy to stick to the nursery slopes for the whole holiday. Aside from the safety concerns I would be worried at the suitability of a 9/10 year old novice as you only skiing companion. I would envisage this as not working at all for either party and having a negative impact on your holiday.
Let me say I think you are a lovely aunt and sister. You help your sister a lot. I would never impose on my sisters the way yours does on you and I hope she appreciates how lucky she is. However it does seem like you are begininng to resent it and if this is the case you should stop doing it, and tell her she needs to find other emergency care. Also because you do all this, does not mean your sister should override her parenting instincts so as not to upset you.

Bonfire you keep saying you've accepted that she's not going skiing, but you haven't actually accepted that it's ok for her mum to make that decision, have you?

It's not a question of trust. She probably just doesn't want her baby going abroad with anyone who isn't herself! My son is only 7 months old so I haven't had to face this yet but right now I feel like I'd let the GPs take him away for a weekend, but I wouldn't let them do so abroad - just because it would be that much harder to get there in an emergency, regardless of how good the care might be there.

My lovely (late) sister had a very close relationship with my ds and my other sister's dd. She never had her own children and she was very close to them both.
If she had wanted to take my son abroad I would have trusted her implicitly. He'd have loved it, she was the cool auntie and they were very close.
So IMO your'e not BU at all.

bonfire - I've read most of the thread, but may have skipped a few posts.

I think (and I don't think anyone else has said this) that the real issue is not the ski-ing - you have said, repeatedly, that as far as your sis and rl is concerned you have accepted her decision.

I think the real issue is that you are fed up with being taken for granted.

The fact that you are self-employed and can therefore work "flexibly" and that you clearly adore and are close to your neices is, from what you say, being abused by your sis. This may not entirely be sis' fault - perhaps you have never pointed out to her that if you knock off early to pick up dns because she's stuck at work that you end up working all evening and even into the small hours. Perhaps you've said "yes of course" so many times that she's just never realised how lucky she is and how generous with your time you are. I am s-e too and the flexibility (especially as interpreted by other people) can be a mixed blessing. I think you need to talk to sis - not about the ski-ing - but about how you feel about the amount of times you bail her out. You do sound like, at heart, you and her have a good relationship, and that you have a good relationship with dns - so it's worth getting it all out in the open - surely it will only strengthen your relationship.

"It is not wisdom, wisdom requires the giving of opinion that is based on knowledge, experience and control of one's emotional reactions."

Hilarious!

As well as Auntie of the Year, are you adding 'Guru' to your CV. I suspect you are not quite the auntie you think you are.

hatwoman - totally get the mixed blessing flexible work thing as well. My in-laws use the fact that I am self employed and so have flexible working hours to never ever help with childcare ever, while helping with all their other grandchildren ALL the time. I think some people mix up "self-employed" with "being able to do a weeks work in 2 hours" and so in no need of help (even when begging!)

I think maybe your 'help' is not as greatly appreciated as you think it is

you appear to have a huge "I know best" vibe going on

why don't you have your own child?