bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

At what point did I say that?

I was trying to point out that what people were trying to do was understand what they were being told, with all the different twists and turns, which is what teachers try to do with pupils so that they understand the full story? In no way can that be seen as bullying.

I know a few people who get very sniffy and obnoxious when you question them, even a little bit, about the veracity of their story and often become defensive at being criticised. They then start bleating that they are being bullied, because they don't want to answer the question in any way that might trip them up.

"2. Tell people to fuck off and go to a gentler thread."

I agree with Boff. One thing I really like about MN is that stuff really does stay on the thread. I have had bitter arguments with someone on one thread and then all is forgotten the next day, and we're agreeing with each other on another thread.

I don't think that a ruck on one thread can be called bullying as long as it stays on the thread. In RL terms that's a one-off playground scrap or a rant in the pub.

As long as it's a one off.

If people are dogging the OP from thread to thread and disrupting other threads with references to their disagreement, THAT'S bullying. Bullying, to me anyway, is a sustained campaign of unpleasantness. People can always walk away from a thread.

"They then start bleating that they are being bullied"

nice

"A book is not a person with feelings!" and neither is a computer screen!!!

People respond to what they read. If the OP cannot communicate their point of view properly, then people lose their patience.

What I hate about these accusation of bullying is that it assumes the OP/victim is blameless. No. They have made an error somewhere along the line (asking a question they already know the answer too, not giving all the details) and this leads to confusion or frankness.

You cannot change other people. You can only change yourself.

I've never seen or heard of bullying at a meet up either - and I've been to several.

I've seen bullying on MN for sure. I had a AIBU thread sometime ago which descended into more than a flaming. Lots of people saying I must be a liar, etc and refusing to believe me and going on and on about what a nasty, horrible person I am.

I don't need to turn off my computer or get a thicker skin as I wasn't bothered about it.

Plus there were a lot of people who sent me private messages supporting me but saying they felt too scared to say so on the thread. It was lovely to get those messages but how sad that people are that scared to have to resort to private messages. Though I can totally understand why they felt they had to.

I am on mn all the time and I don't really know who the cliques are, didn't really believe there are facebook call outs, don't see mass bullying and never spot name changers or trolls.

I am too stupid to live be on here.

TSC

"If people are dogging the OP from thread to thread and disrupting other threads with references to their disagreement, THAT'S bullying. Bullying, to me anyway, is a sustained campaign of unpleasantness. People can always walk away from a thread."

""A book is not a person with feelings!" and neither is a computer screen!!!"

Interesting. Have you not yet worked out that there are real human beings - with feelings - writing this stuff?!

"Have you not yet worked out that there are real human beings - with feelings - writing this stuff?"
and if they cannot understand that typing in a black and white medium like a messageboard does not account for the nuances of speech and feeling then they are a fool.

MN is not the place to go for a hug. It is the place to go for frank speaking. Even I know that and I've only been here a couple of weeks.

If you post asking a question and then dislike the answers to get a feel you are being bullied, then you haven't moved on from school yourself.

It is also not bullying to ask an OP to consider whether or not they might take some responsibilty for their own actions. In the teacher thread, for not actually phoning and speaking to the teacher to explain the situation.

StayFrosty I love those threads too :o

threefeethighandrising we're all responsible for our own contributions, no one elses. This thread has shown at least that we all view the same things in very different ways. You can't be the 'saviour' of MN, it's quite insulting actually to assume that everyone who doesn't see things the same way as you must obviously be an uncaring bully

pag - me too! Thank goodness

You often find people saying what happens online isn't comparable to real life. Which is bollocks, of course. Real humans are doing the typing and reading (well, mostly anyway).

If you are feeling you are being bullied, you need to make some changes inside you (thickening of skin, not asking stupid questions) because you cannot change other people. That is the only longterm solution.

Of course, in the short term it's nice to have a hug and to have the perpetrators arrested or flogged or something. But you can only change yourself.

I think that's what lequeen was getting at...

Nice of you stand up for LeQueen, captain! She finds it sooo hard to express herself