bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Yes they do, I once had a poster who hadn't been on mumsnet for two years come onto a thread to attack me and she told me someone had let her know I was getting a kicking on facebook. She had nothing to do with the thread and it was horribly uncalled for.

Makes you wonder how much more often it happens.

I don't think it's bullying

People take the piss sometimes

that thread about the godfather was odd, and the way the OP responded to the questioning posts was v v odd IMO

She did not answer any of the questions put to her - we have to ask questions sometimes to clarify stuff, I agree with whoever said these are checks and balances needed on an anonymous forum

And there were tons of posts throughout the thread agreeing with OP and giving her total support, which I don't remember happening to me when I was bullied at school

OP I don't know if you've ever been bullied in RL? your definition of it doesn't square with my experience

The teacher thread was not bullying.

That was deconstructing the story being told to clarify what had actually happened. A skill that children are being taught to do in school with literature for their GCSE's.

There are very few instances of bullying on MN. Sometimes they are warranted, when a poster has such vile discriminatory vows and are convinced their way and opinion is the only valid one, the only way to get the message across is to have it repeatedly thumped into them that their view is offensive.

I think also there is a false idea that we somehow owe a duty of care to an anonymous MORE than we owe a duty of care to the person they are posting about.

So in the teacher thread, you are cross because posters were pulling apart the OP's story and criticising her actions. But why is that any worse than the OP disbelieving the teacher's story and criticising the teacher's actions?

Of course people shouldn't be bullying or stalky or weird.

But personally I don't think the poster deserves our support any more than the person s/he is posting about. In the teacher thread, I actually felt sorry for the teacher who was unable to put her side of the story. Why should the OP be the only one deserving of our trust and sympathy?

I'm also not sure why you post on AIBU if you have a sensitive issue you need support with. I agree relationships etc are a different kettle of fish. But AIBU? Come on - that's literally inviting people to see the other side.

sorry - should have been "an anonymous poster"

Nodiving.

That is unbelievably childish. I was not disbelieving you btw. I was just not convinced that adults would behave so. Apparently I over estimated .

Grace, I totally agree with your general point. I hate seeing that aggression towards potentially vulnerable posters too.

But the godfather thread linked to by the OP was in AIBU, not Relationships, which struck me as strange straight away.

And it was a very very odd thread - I don't think it's a good example for the OP's argument.

I solve the whole facebook issue by not being on facebook or following any MNers on twitter.

MN works much better in a vacuum I find

Um, if people feel got at they can always:

1. Name change and start again.
2. Tell people to fuck off and go to a gentler thread.
3. Stop using MN.

X-posted rhadegunde

I agree. Childish.

Thing is, people tend to stay on a thread and make their arguments - which is why it's easy to think that there might be a clique going on.

I was on the 'should I get my teacher sacked' thread at the beginning, and was horrified by the tone of the OP and the absolute lack of acceptance that she should take any responsibility for the situation. And there was a lot of 'AIBU by stealth' to start with, which made it worse.

People were making their views known, and in some/many cases, quite forcibly. As the OP continued to either ignore them or fail to acknowledge that anyone else may have a point - and given that she had posted to ask AIBU, not surprisingly, many people were quite cross! But being forthright in one's argument does not make you a bully.

But this is now becoming a thread about a thread, which is not good. You may as well name names and say who you think the bullies are, threefeethighandrising - then we can decide if we agree or disagree that they were bullying.

LeQueen - you know that's true of me. Like most other ex-targets, I'm quick to stand up for someone else who's being bullied.

Doesn't exactly equate to whining "kick me"

Theyoungvisiter.

Me too. It helps that I don't understand Twitter.

LOL at heifer!

THe teacher thread was a bit heated but the OP can't really have expected anything different from the inflammatory title and her whole attitude.

FFS and so my point is proven.

Whoever you choose to think I am and whatever you choose to believe about me is utterly irrelevant to this thread and it is ridiculously unfair.

"That was deconstructing the story being told to clarify what had actually happened. A skill that children are being taught to do in school with literature for their GCSE's. "

Give over!

A book is not a person with feelings!

I hadn't seen the godfather thread until just now, doggie. Can't tell what happened, post deletions!

You do get people trying it on, obv. Unless they're totally barmy, I try to answer them properly - or ignore them - because you never know when someone with a related issue will land on the thread from googling for advice.

(Am still trying to figure out why having been subjected to bullying in RL disqualifies you from recognising it online?!)

YANBU. There are groups from mn (the usual suspects) who use social media sites such as facebook and twitter to rally the masses - hence you'll see the same gangs over and over.

I always assume there is unhappiness in their personal lives and that by living up to the role of "queen bee" online it gives them some feeling of control/power. It is however disappointing that it's welcomed tolerated.

"Sounds like quite a few people who have been bullied as adults IRL are also complaining about bullying on MN..."

LeQueen that is COLD.

And, I think, untrue. A couple of people on this thread have specifically said that because they have experienced RL bullying they don't agree with the OP.

Haven't people sometimes said they got bullied at MN meet-ups? Puts me off going!