bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

isn't Bounty still going?!

I know if a thread is getting heavy or ridiculous than I leave it and hide it.

Must have missed a lot on the first one you linked too cause it wasn't a problem.

You can't change other people but you can ensure that if you see something you do not feel is right you do something about it. Do you say something? Do you report threads?

Captainbarnacle the dark Bounty is one of my very favourite chocolate bars. I never knew it had its own forum. :o

Nest of vipers or tickers and huns ... Daddy or chips ...

Btw the second link is back to this thread as someone has already pointed out

It takes all sorts. Some of us are gentle souls, some of us ruckers.

AIBU is ruckers territory. Deal with it!

It's the little snide and patronising remarks that piss me off the most. They're used in a way that implies the poster is just so above you, that they can only just bring themselves to type some wank-tastic little remark that'll get all the other cows sniggering. 'Do fuck off there's a dear' is my personal favourite.

Um, OP did you realise that when when you linked to a thread giving an example of bullying, you linked to THIS THREAD?

Hence the remarks saying "So now you think you're being bullied?"

Not sure, from your response, if this was an error!

In terms of bullying, I think there are occasions where the collective voice oversteps the line and upsets the OP but there is a difference between lots of people having the same opinion, and outright bullying.

MN is huge and we have developed a broad consensus on some subjects - so if someone posts saying "My SIL is tired, AIBU to think she should just give her baby formula and stop worrying about all this BFing nonsense?" then 400 posters all with the same opinion will all pile in.

None of these individual posters are bullying. It's just that taken together, it feels like that.

Bullying, IMO, is not a group of people who coincidentally have the same opinion on something and express it, frankly but within the bounds of politeness. This is mostly what I see on MN. It can be upsetting for the OP but it's not bullying, it's simply the dynamic of a huge site.

Bullying is when the same person/people posts again and again trying to destroy the OP, or posts gratuitously hurtful things rather than frank opinions, or stalks them on other forums, or follows them from thread to thread here to try to upset them.

Very little of that goes on.

I have only stayed on this board becasue of the bullying

i thought i had finally found a place where i fitted right in

The thing is TSC isent it better to rise above it, just taking in general terms. There was thread with a poster I totally disagreed with, her view were really strong, put women down,and was generally not pleasent; however if I was nasty to her, it would have made me look bad, just tried to get my point across using the power of words and how I phrased things.

Oops! I didn't mean to link back here!

I meant to link to here

and here

"if someone posts saying "My SIL is tired, AIBU to think she should just give her baby formula and stop worrying about all this BFing nonsense?" then 400 posters all with the same opinion will all pile in."

It's not about when everyone disagrees with the OP. It's about when a group start ripping the OP apart. Surely you've seen it?

Ah very disappointed this thread is about bullying!

I thought my luck was in

weefriend thanks for that ...

"Sometimes I picture a group of aggressive sheep in my mind."

a great image! I will remember it next time I come across them

Three feet - the teacher thread is a good example.

Most people are being (reasonably) polite, they're annoyed with the OP for not giving enough information to make a judgement, and they don't agree with her.

I don't think anyone has posted insults, or stalked her, or taken their grievances to another thread.

They just don't agree with her and think she's over-reacting (actually I didn't agree with her either but I didn't post) and have said so in fairly frank terms.

I'm sure the OP is upset by the response and feels ganged up on. But if you ask several tens of thousands of people a question, then it's not unreasonable that a hundred or so will give the same answer. Thems the breaks.

Oops, sorry to get your hopes up Heifer

In the teacher thread the OP started pretty OTT IMO by suggesting the teacher get sacked. But people didn't explain this is what they didn't like. Instead they attacked her, picking apart her story in a really aggressive manner. It was totally uncalled for.

Many people later could see it was bullying. Can't you?

I didn't see any bullying on the Tutor thread.

None. Sorry

How about the other one I linked to.

There you have potentially quite a vulnerable person, who has been sexually assaulted by an older man, and a load of posters rounded on her, picking her story apart. It was appalling, I really felt for her.

And "picking their story apart" - this is NOT bullying. This is one of the checks and balances of an anonymous internet sites.

If you spot lies or inconsistencies in a post, what are you supposed to do? This is a big red flag for a site where a lot of people have been taken in by trolls.

So what do you do? I think there's only one thing you can do - point out the inconsistency politely and invite the OP to clarify. Sometimes as with the 3 zone thing it's the person reading who is wrong or has misunderstood. Sometimes it's a sign that the OP is not being truthful.

I hate troll hunting, but unfortunately people do post either frank bullshit or else a mix of truth and half-truths designed to put their story across in a better light. And since we're all anon here, the only way to judge people is by what they've posted here. If that's one post with strange inconsistencies then I'm afraid they will get a harder time - that's the price for name-changing. You get the anonymity, but you lose the credibility of your past posting history.

When a poster comes on and asks AIBU and is told by 100 or so posters that yes, she is - that is not bullying. Then the poster continues to argue and drip feeds more info because she's sure she's not BU but the 100 odd posters tell her she's still BU - that is not bullying either.

I hate when a poster posts on AIBU yet is completely unable to accept that she is BU and I also hate the drip feeding information. But it's not bullying!

Haven't read the other thread, I'll have a look