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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

446 replies

reality1 · 18/02/2011 18:48

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
reality1 · 18/02/2011 19:14

I should have added son does have a history of suspected autism but not enough to diagnose and he panics if he is dirty so its not him being too lazy to wipe he has to have it completely clean or he will scream and cry.
I am doing my best with him and its not me saying hes not ready its he has issues with cleanliness.

OP posts:
activate · 18/02/2011 19:15

arms too short

LOL LOL LOL

MrsGravy · 18/02/2011 19:16

And activate the child in question ISN'T school age, he's in nursery. So the OP has plenty of time to get him wiping by school age, he just isn't ready yet. Which doesn't seem that crazy to me.

southeastastra · 18/02/2011 19:16

oh this is a silly thread, and really unhelpful to someone who may be worrying about this..

typical aibu

pranma · 18/02/2011 19:16

Those Kangoo toilet wipes are meant to flush away and are designed to help children with this-available in small packets too.

activate · 18/02/2011 19:16

we're talking about 4 year olds

ragged · 18/02/2011 19:17

OP's son is not at school, though; he's more than 6 months away from starting reception. (sigh)

Should he have ALL his reception-ready skills by now, too?

PixieOnaLeaf · 18/02/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsGravy · 18/02/2011 19:18

Hmm. Maybe I should post that video. He can only just reach round and then can't seem to get at the poo properly. I know because I am spending plenty of time teaching him. Despite this he is not able to do it properly himself. Perhaps he just has a gigantic arse and that's what makes his arms look small.

mamatomany · 18/02/2011 19:18

You can buy individually wrapped candoo wipes, pop one of those in his pocket every day or try and get him to go to the toilet for a poo before school or save it until home time.

ragged · 18/02/2011 19:19

There are a million threads on the 'Net about so-called "washable" wipes that caused drains to block. BBC story.

Original poster
reality1 · 18/02/2011 19:19

Thanks mrsgravy for your comments its good to know there are people who are here to support rather than just say my kid could do this by this age so it must be your bad parenting

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 18/02/2011 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

giraffesisonadiet · 18/02/2011 19:22

yabu. Toilet training = bum wiping too.

ilovesprouts · 18/02/2011 19:22

well my ds whos 4 cant wipe his self still in nappies too all kids are different

Boozilla · 18/02/2011 19:22

Bloody hell, bum-wiping police are out in force! My DS is 4 and is just about getting there, it has actually been pretty tricky and we've had some seriously messy sleeves and all sorts of shenanigans!

Wipes are definitely easier than the many 'toilet paper stuck in my bum-crack' situations I've endured! Grin

Just start teaching him at home and send him in with some wipes if he finds those easier. Not the end of the world, live and learn heh?

Offer some rewards for a clean bum to help him along? I started off by letting him do it himself and then doing one last wipe 'to check' at the end.

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 18/02/2011 19:22

but id you remain sittin on the loo when you wipe then your arm length isn't an issue and your cheeck are open to allow access to the area that needs cleaning

the fact is that when they get to school they will np0t be helpied in the toilet

and 6 months away from reception, well why wouldn't they be able to do everything they need to

6 months isn't that long and sure;y preschool is a practice

gecko will be starting in august, she can do zips, buttons and dress herself (sometimes get her shoes on wrong feet

she can take herself to the loo, wipe, wash hands and flush

she writes her name but with one letter upside down

she knows what are her things

she knows the days of the week, reminds when pe is

long way to go but I thnk she could just manage school right now

MrsGravy · 18/02/2011 19:23

I think reality1 you have unwittingly hit upon something that other posters see as a symptom of parents not preparing their children properly for school and the world in general. They probably assume our boys are still wandering around with dummies in their mouths, eating jars of baby food and pushed in prams.

Or perhaps they are worried that in 14 years time their highly-skilled-at-bum-wiping-children will be sat next to our children in an office or on a bus, overcome by the smell of their poo encrusted pants, because of course if your child can't wipe their bum by the age of 4 they will NEVER be able to do it.

Caz10 · 18/02/2011 19:24

Reading this with interest as I posted recently full of worries that my DD 3.1 had started ante-pre school in nappies, nursery nurse is having to change her, although hopefully not for too much longer.

Anyway everyone came on and said don't worry, she's only little, etc etc - almost the opposite to what the OP is being told here!

At the rate potty training is going I will be amazed if DD is wiping herself in a year's time!

Original poster
reality1 · 18/02/2011 19:24

Pixieonaleaf as he wasnt diagnosed he isnt on any sen register or has any extra help so im unsure what i can actually ask the school until i get the problem sorted.They pretty much said they arent allowed to wipe but they will talk him through it.

OP posts:
ragged · 18/02/2011 19:25

I'm going to hide this thread now, or it's going to make me explode.

ilovesprouts · 18/02/2011 19:26

oh by the way incase i get slaterd my ds has sn :)

schmee · 18/02/2011 19:26

I'm loving MrsGravy as well. I genuinely fear the short arms thing as one of my boys has inherited my J-Lo style (in my dreams) posterior. The only time I've tried with him he had exactly the same problem.

Seriously though - it's generally well-known that you need to try to get them ready on this front before reception. So that's what most people gear up for I think. No point in rushing them if that's the deadline. If the deadline is in fact nursery then the parents should be informed before the kids start. I bet the OP is not the only one who has been caught out this way.

Ripeberry · 18/02/2011 19:28

YOU need to teach him. He will have to learn. simples!

activate · 18/02/2011 19:28

the issue to me is if you think that a 4 year old is physically mentally not capable of wiping that is your thought process

education in this country does not offer bum wiping because the expectation is they'll be ready

they should also be able to remove and put on own clothes

if they can't wipe their own bum they will be uncomfortable

just because you can't be arsed to teach them doesn't mean they aren't capable - it's an excuse