AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

It's an issue because that's not the most productive use of time, is it? It's something a parent could, and should be teaching. Not something which should be left to a teacher

Unfortunately spending some 'un-productive' time is just part and parcel of being a reception teacher sometimes. And reception teachers don't spend all day teaching - there is (I would hope) a lot of free play.

You seem to think parents haven't tried to help with bottom wiping. I imagine that most of them have and the children haven't quite got it yet. It's not a case of the parent saying 'never mind about wiping your own bottom Tarquin, I'll do it for you at home, your teacher will do it at school and maybe one day you'll do it yourself'

And as can be seen from this post, the majority of 4 year old seem ok wiping themselves so it's hardly the end of the world if a teacher has to help with the odd one or two is it?

Pixie I'm suggesting that it's not that simple for some and they may not be able to do it because they have poor motor skills. The assumption, on this thread, for some reason, is that some mums don't want their kids to be able to wipe their own bums. I doubt mums like wiping bums any more that teachers do and most will be keen to teach their kids as soon as they are able. Also I think as kids get older they would be increasingly more embarrassed to ask for help if they were capable of doing it themselves.

Unfortunately spending some 'un-productive' time is just part and parcel of being a reception teacher sometimes. And reception teachers don't spend all day teaching - there is (I would hope) a lot of free play.

yes there is a lot of free play which needs to be supported by the teacher - teaching goes on all the time in a reception class

I've skipped to the end, I can't go through all that lot. Where I left off there was a lot about it being a boy problem. Not in my experience. My 4 year old daughter is in reception and can't wipe her bum. (The Horror! No, not really, she just does all her poos at home. So does #1 child and she never had a wiping problem.) Her arms cannot reach round properly. If she was a boy she would have no problem as she could reach underneath and wipe from back to front; it's the front to back thing that she just physically can't do.

Well if it's just as easy as showing them mrz then you would only ever have to worry about it happening once.

As you know it takes more than being shown once for most children to learn new skills including wiping your own bum.

Tbh honest reading this thread back it sounds from this thread like most kids of 4 CAN'T wipe their own bums. It just seems like most parents are happy to let kids smear the poo areound and get it on their clothes.

It can feel that way when you have cleaned up poo for the 5th or 6th time that day! Or you can't quite track down the source of that funny smell and then have to explain to an irate parent why their child went home with soiled pants

Ah yes, the I've crapped myself but don't notice or care because it's not a problem brigade.
Have you tried the tracking the lumps on the carpet strategy mrz?
Or the chair smear test?
I'd insist on pull ups if it was a regular thing, as in more than once a week.

My serial pooer used to say the smell was his dad's aftershave! as everyone moved away from him ... Coupled with the fact he didn't wear pants and refused to let anyone check it was a nightmare!

I have to say it's probably the one thing I don't miss about teaching in reception

I'm planning my maths for the next half term of Y6 and suddenly the tweenager stroppiness seems more bearable.

There are some really harsh people on here!
My ds was in a day nursery and went up into the pre-school room at 2.5. He was in a room with children up to 4 + but he himself was only just in pants then, and no way could he wipe his bum yet.
I did try and teach him but he just did not have the dexterity, and even at 3 was still not really doing it. He would sort of waft the toilet paper near his bum and chuck it in the toilet!

So when, at just three he was coming home upset because his bottom was itchy and sore (and belive me his little hands had been down there scratching it, spreading germs basically all over nursery) I was concerned that nursery hadnt been helping him.

I brought it up and they agreed to at least supervise him in the toilet.

Even now at 4.5 he is only just mastering this skill.
At two he could count to a hundred(no training from me at all) but at three couldnt really wipe his bum (much training from me).

Kids are all different, its really stupid to blame the parents for everything, and frankly if you work in a day nursery (and this is one where they go from 3 months, change nappies etc) you are going to be dealing with poo sometimes, same as being a nurse.

Goblinchild this one is in Y5 and still "wearing his dad's aftershave"

Mrz, serious point.
If it's still haappening in Y5, have medical or child abuse issues been investigated?
Forced anal sex can make bowel control an issue, sadly that is something I have experience of in a child in my class.

I think it's quite sad if fears of abuse allegations or inadequate staffing are preventing kids being adequately cared for.
You wouldn't just leave a child if they were in pain under any other circumstances. And I know some kids are happy to sit in it but if there's a tiny speck on dd she squirms and itches like mad and gets quite upset. I'm lucky that 99% of the time she can do it herself but I'm massively grateful that if she hasn't managed it and is uncomfortable one of her teachers will step in and help her.

yes everything has been thoroughly investigated

So he just never learned to be bothered? maybe when he's old enough to be interested in girls, he might become aware of the need to be clean.

I have worked in schools (reception) and nurseries and there are many children of 3, 4 and 5 who can't wipe properly - it is a bit of a problem I think. My ds came home with a dirty bottom quite often. I can see why the nursery can't/won't do it, but yanbu to be concerned about it. Aren't the KanDoo type things designed to be flushed? (Never used them myself)

You know this is begninning to remind me of a frank exchange with my older brother when I was 3-4. I always asked my mum to do it for me as I couldn't do it properly. My 5 year old brother looked at me as if I was stupid and said "wipe your bum 10 times and it'll be clean".

Job done myself from that day on. It took 10 pieces of loo roll to do the job but it worked.

Try telling him that OP?

I can see why the nursery can't/won't do it

I can't. I can see why a reception class wouldn't be keen or indeed allowed but I honestly think at nursery age that quite a few otherwise entirely normal children will be in need of at least some verbal help. I would say about 80% of my daughter's friends require a little help even if it's just getting the loo paper off the roll because they're worried about falling down the loo (this is obviously irrational but wouldn't be an issue at nursery/school where the loos are likely to be a little smaller and they often have loo paper dispensers that don't require two hands).

i used to get threats that i would have my nose rubbed in my dirty pants if i didnt start wiping properly/ have accidents! that soon sorted it......