AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

mrz it's obviously manageable. DD's nursery will help kids wipe if required. As has been said on here the vast majority are able to do it by themselves so it's not like teachers are having to disappear all the time. I don't think I would be happy if DD's nursery didn't have provision to help kids who need help. DD gets really sore if she's not clean.

buttonmooncup the OPs child is in school not nursery potentially ONE teacher THIRTY children with THIRTY bums to wipe!

buttonmooncup the OPs child is in school not nursery potentially ONE teacher THIRTY children with THIRTY bums to wipe!

Don't be ridiculous mrz, you are making huge assumptions. That all the children in the class will need a poo at roughly the same time. That they ALL need help with wiping.

It's like anything else that requires physical dexterity. Some children can completely cope with dressing/undressing at 4; others need a bit of help. So the reception teacher will help the ones that need when they do PE. Some children can use scissors, some can't. No-one's saying 'oh the teacher can't help an individual child use scissors, what about the other 29 in the class?' 'Oh it must be lazy parenting, not teaching your child to use scissors'

no I'm not assuming they will all want to go at the same time (but if it could be arranged that would be great as we could get it all over in one session) I'm assuming that at some point all 30 will want to go individually so that is 30 separate interruptions to teaching time.

and to support a child to get changed or uses scissors requires the teacher to leave the room?

DD has just turned 3 (today) and can wipe herself. Nursery change babies nappies etc but in the pre school section kids are expected to do it themselves.

Er, actually the OP's child is in nursery, not school.

my apologies

Most teachers will avoid wiping due to fears of allegations and child protection issues!

PrincessScrumpy we have CRB checks and wipe children's bums when the need arises rather than let a child sit in discomfort but there is a difference between occasional accidents and children who just don't know how to attempt it themselves.

PrincessScrumpy as a teacher I disagree. We are never alone with a child and in terms of child protection it would be an issue if we didn't help a child needing help - it's not healthly to be left sitting in poo!

tryingtobemarypoppins2 as a teacher I disagree I'm often alone with a child

I'm often alone with a clothed child.
If I was bum wiping, I'd follow school protocol and have another adult within eyeshot.

OP's child may not be in school but there are many summer-borns who would be. 3 of my 4 have July and August birthdays and went/will go straight into classes of 30 at barely 4. Actually I tell a lie because our experiences with school with DS (July 10th), DD2 (July 2th) stayed in nursery (Montessori- also little bottom-wiping) and didn't start school until January after she turned 4, so she was 4 and 5 months when she went. DD3 (27th August) would be relatively young even if we waited until January. May have to rethink for her.

Goblinchild who do you get?

Considering that apparently every 4 year old in the whole world apart from the OP's can wipe their bum by the age of 4 then how would it be 30 bums that needed wiping? Surely only 1 or 2 would need help.
DD's nursery has 2 adjoining rooms for the nursery and reception kids. They do their 'lessons' in their own room but mix for free play and the care is shared between the staff. I think this is a good way of doing things. There's not a lot of difference between the older nursery kids and the younger reception ones.

It is all very managable, it's all day to day stuff. An odd day would be not having accidents to help with/bums to wipe/cuddles needed/TLC/vomit etc etc etc

PixieOnaLeaf there is always someone around! TA's in my room, TA next door, other office staff, students, SEN teachers, there is always someone. It really is just never an issue!

Unfortunately I don't have a TA and neither does the class next door or the class up the corridor or ...

But, Dancergirl, the teacher doesn't have to leave the room to help a child with changing for PE, or to use scissors

At dds' school, there is a toilet in each classroom, although we're lucky to have this and probably isn't typical.

There is also a teacher and 2 TAs in the reception class so for one of them to help wipe a bottom that takes 2 mins isn't disasterous. But this is reception, the OP's child is in nursery. I don't even know how we got onto school - there is a huge difference between school and nursery and imo nursery workers should be prepared to care for 3 and 4 year olds as parents do, even some of the messier jobs.

But in nursery classes there just aren't those facilities or staffing levels

Nurseries have a ratio of 1:8 AT LEAST. DD's nursery often has more because they have teachers training and some kids have 1 on 1. The OP's child is in nursery.

Nurseries have a ratio of 1:8 AT LEAST nursery classes have a ratio of 1-13