AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

Two of my children started in reception aged 4 and a few weeks and I certainly would not have expected anybody to be available to wipe their bottoms for them. All three of them could. Barring special needs I would think it fairly unreasonable for a 4 yo not to be doing their own bottom.

that has been covered Pixie - it appears that some parents do expect that yes - and not only that but they are disgusted when the other parent tells child to do it themselves

princessparty it's worse when it's a Y4 child ...

Exactly BTP, it's unfair to the child otherwise.
I may feel it is ridiculous, but I judge the parent, not the 4 year old. The child needs to feel happy and secure, wherever they are.

someone down the thread mentioned that they helped their 7 year old wipe IIRC

fair enough Pixie - I have been totally transfixed by it

Someone come on the thread and say that a child made the request, and they felt they had to phone the parent for permission to touch the precious bum.
Pleeeeaaasse?

My sons are 6 and nearly 4. They eldest has only recently started wiping his own bum! And when his friends come on play dates they call me to wipe their bum. I have no issue with this. From speaking to the mums at school loads of them don't wipe themselves!
The youngest actually does his own bum. And he can blow his own nose too obvs. But when he has a particularly bad cold,and has been outside playing etc,it tends to be forgotten...So I pick him up from school and his nose is CAKED in dry snot. Lovely! I really don't see why the teacher can't just give it a wee rub. He is only 3!

This is about nursery age children though, 3 year olds aren't helped.

Goblinchild I have been told by a mum (after cleaning up her very soiled - I'm talking from shoulders to soles of his feet and all over the walls and door and toilet where he'd smeared it with his hands) that she would prefer staff didn't clean him up in future as it was too precious time for strangers to share ...

Some 4 year olds will be expected to do it, some won't and the school staff will pick up the shit.
Literally in this case

Same old, same old.
Glad I teach Y6. Although that has its own areas of shock/horror.

In that case, you phone the parent who must always be in a Thunderbird state of readiness.
I shall look out for her beloved child's first exhibition at the Tate.

Well, I wasn't going to go into details Pixie, but yes, I do have packs of new knickers from M&S and a kit for such emergencies.

It's when you also get parents complaining that their child is being left out and the reason given is that they smell of poo. Or has visible stains on their dresses.
And they want you to do something about it...

so children have to be able to do it before they start pre school at 3? and yet some aren't even toilet trained by 3??

exactly stealth, there is so much expectation for children to be perfect too early. I count these as life skills that are learnt early but perfected as the child gets older. If adults cant even wipe their bums properly (barring SN) than how do we expect 3/4 year olds to do it, they are still only very little lets remember.

Yes if a young child has a loose bm or diaorreha they should be helped, its hard enough for an adult to deal with it themselves, how on earth do we expect a little one to do it

I used to be a TA work with teenagers, but if I was a TA working with reception aged children than I personally would have no problem helping a child wipe their bum or changing a child that had an accident, for me its part and parcel with working with very young children. lets remember that 4 is still very young to start school, in my mums country its 7, and in other countries its 5/6 years.