AIBU to expect nursery to wipe my sons bum at 4?

[reality1]

Son is 4 and just cannot get the whole wiping bum thing and panicks when his bum isnt properly cleaned.
He has said he cant have a poo at nursery because he cant wipe his bum so he waits until he is home.
I had a word with nursery and they said they are not allowed to they can only talk him through it.
The trouble is my son has quite an issue with this so instead of being talked through wiping his bum he will just hold it in.
He is only just 4 before i get flamed for wiping his bum this long and there are 3 year olds in his class as well AIBU

How is teaching children to read 1:1 a formal lesson?

That right Dancergirl, my mum comes from Armenia and there they start school at 7, they are more emotionally, and physically ready, and that means that they have the independence skills to cope in a school environment. Even my Auntie in the States has said that they dont start Kindergarten until 6 years of age, before then its preschool and daycare I believe.

I believe that in some European countries school starting age is 6 to allow for this. At 4 I would expect them (excluding SN) to attempt to wipe but, would not expect them to wipe properly, would expect to help them if they are having difficulties or have a loos bm or diarohea.

Compulsory school age is 6 in some countries but most have universal preschool attendance from a much younger age.

In many countries children go home for lunch - and most children will wait to do a poo until they are in the comfort of their own home when that's the case.

Lots of children in the UK who attend PT nursery try to hold out until they go home and end up with all kinds of difficulties from toilet phobias to bowel problems - far easier to teach them how to wipe their bum and if there are marks because they haven't quite managed does it really matter?

"QFar too early for formal lessons at 4 imo - look at our European counterparts, but that's another story."

They don't have formal lesson's in this country until 5/6 in this country either. Formal lessons don't start until Yr1.

Depends on the child. My DD really needs to wash with soap and water after doing a poo - she gets dreadful "nappy rash" within an hour or so if she doesn't. I have always discouraged her from doing a poo anywhere else than at home for that reason.

School here in France is 2 x 3 hours a day and the DC seem to get in a routine that means they don't poo at school. The toilet facilities at school aren't great either (since the assumption is that DC won't be there all day - though this is changing).

ooh i too remember izal it was good for tracing paper too !!

I know bruffin, but at 4 they still start school, they are not in pre school anymore, so it is school imo.

I teach Reception and I promise you, I have cleaned many bottoms!

His health is important, and holding in his poo will be terrible long term. Learning the skill of bottom wiping is importnat so start to do this now, but saying they can't do it is maddness!

It is ideal if everychild starting school is fully toilet trained but in the real world this isn't always the case. I am sure if you start to teach him now, use wet wipes and make it fun he will get the hang of it very quickly. The nursery should support you in this.

On the subject of laziness surely it is 'lazier' to expect a child to wipe their bum from toilet-training regardless of whether they are able to do a decent job or not than to give them a hand until they can?

buttonmooncup perhaps when you have one child but when there is a class of 30 ...should the other 29 be abandoned while the teacher pops off to wipe or should he/she spend a large portion of the day wiping bums rather than teaching?

they ARE able to do a decent enough job if they are taught and expected to do it

that is the point

activate not all children are the same, some will get it quickly, but others may take time, they will all do it in the end though. Meanwhile while dd 3.11 gets the hang of it, I am on hand to help her.

pigletmania will you be on hand to help her when she starts school?

pigletmania - we've gone over this again and again throughout the thread and I can't be bothered repeating it

please read the thread for the answer to your post

Well marz the school are really helpful actually and do help children in the toilets if they need help, so I am lucky. I am not going to make her feel bad and put pressure on her, but will guide her and hopefully she will learn in her own time. At least she can use the loo, some of her class are still in nappies and they dont have SN.

Well hopefully she will get a statement which will mean that she will have one to one help at school. DD is currently being asseseed by paed for SN possible dyspraxia/ASD. This means it take her longer to understand and learn something than other children.

activate you have your views and i have mine, we will beg to differ , have a and enjoy the rest of the evening

Good Luck with a statement perhaps your LA is more willing than mine to give them

I hope so Mrz, we have already been turned down for one before christmas, but in the paed intrim report it stated that dd will need significant help at school. She is still being assessed so we have no definite diagnosis, I do worry at school that she will struggle like i did, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia so i took a long time learning key skills, but can dress myself and wipe my bum effectively now

and you too Mrz, the headteacher said that we will keep applying until they do, meanwhile I will have to gather up all the reports from the Ed Psych, Paed, SALT and seek out an OT assessment to support a claim for a statement. Grrrr its horrid, but i know that children with far worse SN than dd are being turned down. DD is more social communication and speech and lang dev delay.

activate have your children achieved every milestone bang on time then??

read the thread!