Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers of Sons Unite.

164 replies

MrsBananaGrabber · 12/02/2011 21:54

AIBU to not want to be grandmother number 2.

When my 2 DS's have children I want to be in their lives, not as someone who isn't as well regarded as their mothers mother.... as someone to be put up with.

Some DILS on here scare the shit out of me, I plan on getting along with my DILS, after all they will be the women with whom my sons have chosen to spend their lives with, they will become part of my family and be welcomed with open arms.......but the bitches had better let me near my grandchildren or else Wink

OP posts:
ilovemyhens · 12/02/2011 21:56

I'm really antisocial by nature, so probably will never get to see any of my grandchildren if my sons have any Sad

Ismene · 12/02/2011 21:58

Some DIL are bitches. Some MIL are bitches. 'tis life.

supadupapupascupa · 12/02/2011 21:58

the most important woman in my life is my mil.

it took time to get to know one another, and for me to allow her to 'mother me' in the way she does her own children, but she is a wonderful person and i am very lucky to have her in my life.

it all depends on the individuals concerned but she never judges, is always supportive, always available (within reason), is generous and a great listener. i will remember this when and if ds finds a lovely girl for himself Smile

mamadiva · 12/02/2011 21:59

:o I had'nt actually thought about it until you mentioned it!

If my DS has children I shall be be busy giving the silly bint evils for sullying my sons innocence Wink

But on a serious note, I dislike my MIL a leeetle bit but so does everyone else so I am perfectly justified!!! :o

pranma · 12/02/2011 21:59

I have a ds and a dd[and 3 step dc] and get on very well-there isnt any 'rank' when you love the dgc and get on with the i-ls.I love all my lot and my lovely step sons wives are very special as is my own d-i-l.

supadupapupascupa · 12/02/2011 22:00

as it happens ds prefers his grandad 'pops' anyway Grin

cantspel · 12/02/2011 22:00

If mosts of the posts on here are anything to go by i better resign myself now to being on the outskirts of my grandchildrens lives.

roadbackhome · 12/02/2011 22:01

I find it quite scary the way many people on here see their MIL - particularly now I have 2 DSs. On the plus side we see a lot of DPs mum so I hope we're setting a good example.

I think we just have to have faith that we will raise our boys well enough that they choose amazing women who we can get on well with.

ilovemyhens · 12/02/2011 22:01

I expect my DILs will feed the GC junk food which will probably just about finish me off Shock I will spend the remainder of my life rocking backwards and forwards and mumbling rubbish because of the stress it will induce.

I don't think I really want GC Confused

Kerrianne · 12/02/2011 22:02

I love my MIL and my ex MIL too

georgeorwell · 12/02/2011 22:03

theyre not your kids so piss off and leave your ds/dil to get on with the rearing thing. u already had ur turn

cantspel · 12/02/2011 22:05

i dont want to raise them but i do want to see them, spoil them and be more than a old woman they see once every 3 months for sunday tea consisting of knitted mung beans and tofu.

ilovemyhens · 12/02/2011 22:07

Yeah, georgeorwell you'll be the type of nightmare dil I'll probably end up with Hmm

and quit the textspeak, everyone knows it's a sign of a tiny mind.

Original poster
MrsBananaGrabber · 12/02/2011 22:07

My boys are only 7 and 9 so I have some time yet, one may even turn out gay, a mother can only hope Grin but I may start plantinf subliminal messages like 'only marry a girl like your mother' and 'mummy always comes first'

Thank God I also have a DD, at least I get to ruin and criticise someones parenting in the future Wink

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 12/02/2011 22:10

I have always thought the notion that only mothers of boys become MILs very odd indeed.

Same with the idea that the paternal grandmother is widely regarded as being "grandma number 2" by default. So many MN posts assume this is normal, but I can honestly say I had never come across this view before I joined.

I can accept that I am in a minority and it is the prevalent view, but I really hope it doesn't play out that way if my DS marries/has kids. I want to enjoy having a multi-generational family and I cannot be arsed with this whole notion of two adult women not managing to get along fine just because they happen to be MIL/DIL. It's so stupid and defeatist. I mean we might not get on, of course, but the same would be true if my DD married and I didn't get on with her husband surely - but nobody goes on and bloody on about that.

DS is only 3 though, so I'll count myself lucky if I'm even around long enough to be a grandma in the first place :)

MsKLo · 12/02/2011 22:12

Oh my god I hope you are joking about those subliminal messages - that kind of attitude will make you a nightmare mil!

The best way to be a good mil is be like a mum to your dil and to know your place! I have a son and will def be taking this on board when he acquires a wife!

Kerrianne · 12/02/2011 22:13

My boys are only 7 and 9 so I have some time yet, one may even turn out gay, a mother can only hope but I may start plantinf subliminal messages like 'only marry a girl like your mother' and 'mummy always comes first

Thank God I also have a DD, at least I get to ruin and criticise someones parenting in the future

Unless she becomes a lesbian with an allergy to turkey basters Grin

cantspel · 12/02/2011 22:14

I am thinking of teaching my sons loads of anti social man like habits like scratching their balls during diner and farting during the romantic bits of weepy films just so no woman will want to put up with them on a permanate basis.

Might mean i dont get granchild but could still be better than putting up with a dil fro hell.

mamadiva · 12/02/2011 22:14

Well the way I see it Mumsnet is the 'equivelant' of Roy Chubby Brown...

He was always bitching about his wives Mothers so we bitch about our husbands mother :o

Tigerbomb · 12/02/2011 22:15

I mentioned this on another thread

My mom was Nanny No 2 to my DB children. She didn't poke her nose in, didn't demand "equal shares" of my DB's children and when the marriage broke up hasn't seen my DB's children for 15 years.

I didn't mind my ex MIL, she was ok, but I didn't have the same kind of loving relationship that I have with my mom.

My mom was definitely Nanny no 1 and MIL was definitely Nanny no 2 but that was because I was closer to my mom.

my mom has a verse that I think is very very true:

A son is a son till he meets a wife
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.

My DS is now 24, no sign of settling down but I am fully expecting to be Nana No 2 with his children.
My DD on the other hand has already told me that one of my spare rooms will be the nursery

Original poster
MrsBananaGrabber · 12/02/2011 22:17

Oh my god I hope you are joking about those subliminal messages - that kind of attitude will make you a nightmare mil

Of course i'm joking. I would rather a twatty DIL than a Norman Bates Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBananaGrabber · 12/02/2011 22:18

A son is a son till he meets a wife

Nope, sorry, my sons will be in my life until I drop dead.

OP posts:
MsKLo · 12/02/2011 22:19

Ha ha banana - maybe you will be ok after all! Grin

MsKLo · 12/02/2011 22:21

Of course you will be in their life but their wife will - quite rightly - be the most important person to him and that is what you should want!

jenga079 · 12/02/2011 22:21

Um, can i suggest you're more likely to be allowed near your grandchildren if you don't call their mums 'bitches'?