Mothers of Sons Unite.

[MrsBananaGrabber]

AIBU to not want to be grandmother number 2.

When my 2 DS's have children I want to be in their lives, not as someone who isn't as well regarded as their mothers mother.... as someone to be put up with.

Some DILS on here scare the shit out of me, I plan on getting along with my DILS, after all they will be the women with whom my sons have chosen to spend their lives with, they will become part of my family and be welcomed with open arms.......but the bitches had better let me near my grandchildren or else

Banana, my son will be in my life until I drop dead, but I am fully expecting to be in a more passive role then the other Nana, if I get anything more then fantastic.

My current DH hasn't seen his mother in 6 months but sees mine every week. This isn't because I don't like her ( I don't but that's another story) or that he doesn't love her etc but because of distance.

Agreed jenga
Too many women try to keep too much of a hold over their boys and their eventual gc's!

hark at you in da hood gran bitchin about bitches

sad

are you madonna trying to be granny cool and down with the kids

I have 2 Ds,they adore me :o
Ex mil was a c**t,She hated me and I hated her.I never stopped her from seeing my kids,never bad mouthed her to exh or my kids.She was granny #2 no question (its funny tho cos granny #1 is 3000 miles away). She made herself granny number 2,treated my kids like second class citizens,ALWAYS favored her other grandchildren.( must admit tho she treated their father,her son the same way)
My mil now is lovely,tho also 3000 miles away ,shes better to my kids,her step grandkids, than their real grandmother ever was
Ive experienced 2 totally different types of mil and I know Ill be following the example of my present mil,never interferes,is kind,welcomed me into the family with my 3 kids,she lovely and Im going to be a lovely mil too :o
tho I do have the reputation of being rather scary so I better start working on that soon I guess

ive a baby boy and the mere thought of me stressin about what partner he ends up with and how often they let me see THEIR kids is plain weird..i hope to have a life by the time he's old enough to form his own family and to leave him to get on with his own. else your a sad old cow, frankly

Have you been on the wacy bacy scottishmummy?

Of course I want my sons to be happy, and their wives will be the most important people in their lives BUT I want to see my grandchildren and not be granny number 2.

no1,no 2, bitches.yo!youre an urban clichétastic gran

Do grandparents have legal rights to see their grandchildren?

Women are like those Russian dolls, therefore of course the female line will take a precedence, get over it and then your prospective daughter in law might not feel she has to keep you at bay to have a relationship with her own children without you interfering

Blimey, I'd never even considered whether I'll be no.1 or 2 granny or even thought much about grandchildren. I suppose because my 2 sons and I live on 3 different continents and one of them is gay (son, not continent), I'd automatically thought that if any gcs came along, I'd get few and fleeting glances of them.. Having said that, my gay son is the one who is most interested in having children so we will see.

No

or else what anyway? they won't be ur kids so keep ur nose out..only by earning ur dils' respect can u expect to have access to ur grandkids. but if u're preemptively calling them "bitches" you've obv got something to be defensive about. ur mothering skills perchance

Not quite a gran yet, my sons would rather play Lego than talk to girls.

It's not about being possesive or controlling, I hope to have a full life when my DC's fly the nest and I have 3 of them so I am sure to have contact with at least one GC before I pop my clogs, but to say that we are not as important as the maternal grandmother is shit and I just hope my sons want me to be involved in their childrens life.

There cant be much wrong with our mothering skills/parenal skills if we manage to bring up sons you want to marry and or father your children.

gp's have no statutory access rights esp if call dil bitches

seems like we're slipping back into some familycentric dead end. its not a case of us against them or whatever..we're all women struggling who shouldnt view other women as the enemy. else we're fucked. so peace and love all round

The bitches comment was obviously tounge in cheek. Any DIL will be warmly welcomed into my family, i'm sure I will be glad that someone is willing to take them off my hands when the time comes.

I had also never heard of this granny no2 bullshit before MN.

you are backtrackin so fast i can see skid marks

You always get one humourless cunt.....god bless MN.

It's all about the MIL's attitude, I think. I like my MIL a lot. She treats me like a daughter but doesn't expect me to treat her like a mother. So of course, I do, out of love and respect. And she's as dear to me as any of my "own" family, because she treats me as part of the family and not just her son's wife.

If you are focussing on who is the "favourite" grandma and all that crap, you'll become the least-liked, you know? And going into things with a negative view of your DIL will sour things irreparably. She'll certainly pick it up and react accordingly.

Also, as you'll (probably) be older than your DIL, you have to be more mature about things. I think that's where a lot of the MILs bitched about on MN seem to fail. They act almost like the DIL is their sister and the son is their father who they're fighting for the attention of. Not right at all!

and god bless dem dil bitches grandma

Don't be so sure op, my mum had 3 kids, and she didn't live long enough to see any of her gc.. you can only be sure of one thing in this life, nothings a certainty, especially not a relationship with your gc if your calling their mum a bitch, your sons would be apalled too

As a DIL the best advice I could give to a MIL is under no circumstances come across as 'knowing better'. You will of course know better, merely as you have been there and done it, but DILs will be forever wary once you overstep the mark: this could be anything from rearranging cupboards to explaining how best to clean a toilet. Bite your tongue, let her make her own mistakes. She will abide her own mum's controlling ways (just) but not yours. That's my two pence worth anyway...

I think that my MIL worries about this as she has 2 DDs and 2 DSs and the DDs have chosen not to have children, only DH and BIL do. (At least I think my SILs have chosen not to; they're in their late 30's so they still could I suppose)

However PIL live much closer to us than my DP's. So they probably see my DS a few times a week, whereas my mom and dad see him once a month or so.

Honestly...in some things I prefer MIL. :o She's very hands-off while still being extraordinarily helpful. My mother is quite judgmental when it comes to "her angel", aka my son...