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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think your 5 year old shouldn't be able to upset you?

192 replies

novision · 11/02/2011 13:36

My SIL told me last week that her 5 year old DD had made her cry she had been so nasty. She had got so upset that she couldn't take her to school and my MIL did it fir her.

Now my children have reduced me to tears out of sheer bloody frustration but it's never occurred to me to take it personally.

I would also never show them I was upset.

It's a genuine question. Is it better to show your children you're hurt or show no weakness?

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:15

Mila - I don't think it's a bizarre thread. I think we are having an interesting discussion. And broadly speaking, agreeing

mamatomany · 11/02/2011 14:18

Mine upset me all the time mainly with their behavior towards each other and there have been times when pregnant and afterwards when they've made me cry, but being 5 years old they haven't given a toss, which I suppose is right. SIL is only human and children are bloody hard work these days.

MilaMae · 11/02/2011 14:18

I think judging mums for crying now of all things is very strange.

We all have different personalities and kids.

MilaMae · 11/02/2011 14:21

Also teaching kids that you just let humans treat you like a verbal punchbag and show no emotion is not healthy.

I want my kids to wail as much as they feel like it if somebody is cruel to them,obviously show some strength but if they're really hurt I want them to know it's ok to voice that.

TheSecondComing · 11/02/2011 14:21

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RumourOfAHurricane · 11/02/2011 14:22

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SummerRain · 11/02/2011 14:24

my 4 and 6 year olds have managed it.... more out of frustration and exhaution than upset though

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:24

I also wonder if some people are more inclined to cry when upset, whereas others get angry ... I am the latter

DS1 is the latter, DS2 is a cryer

LeQueen · 11/02/2011 14:27

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TheSecondComing · 11/02/2011 14:28

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MinnieBar · 11/02/2011 14:28

I think it also depends on what kind of person you are - I'm very easily moved to tears (some might say too easily!) and so there's quite a high chance of them seeing that.

Earlier this week a friend made a crass comment in a text that upset me (yes, yes, tell me to 'grow a pair' or whatever, thanks) and DD1 (2.5) saw me welling up. I told her the truth and asked for a cuddle. She gave me one. She wasn't upset, or freaked out, and I think it's good to show her that's one way of helping someone who feels sad to feel better.

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:29

LeQueen - I agree, with younger children, definitely. Do you think your friend is depressed?

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:29

Can't wait for teenagers TSC.....

MilaMae · 11/02/2011 14:30

"assert yourself as credible leader" Hmm about the funniest parenting advice I've ever been given.

I've taught classes of the toughest kids in the toughest schools(I've been requested to teach said kids,had agencies fighting over me) and never cried once,doesn't mean I'm weak if my dd has reduced me to tears once or twice.

Some of you with your judgy judge pants are sooooo going to eat your words. What go through motherhood and never cry once however vile-give me a break,what do you want a medal????

FunnysInTheGarden · 11/02/2011 14:34

DS1 reduced me to tears once when DS2 was about 4 weeks old. Not because he was being nasty, just naughty and I was exhausted. It gave him and me the shock of our lives though and wasn't pleasant. I do think it taught him that I am not infallible though, and that's no bad thing. We are human after all.

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:34

Mila - I'm not judging. I have cried. But I don't think, for me, it was ideal.

RumourOfAHurricane · 11/02/2011 14:35

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RumourOfAHurricane · 11/02/2011 14:36

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cantspel · 11/02/2011 14:37

To show you are upset is one thing but to be so upset you cant take a 5 year old to school is taking it too far and is a form of emotional blackmail.

juicychops · 11/02/2011 14:40

my ds(just turned 6) has driven me to tears quite a few times due to his behaviour. I think i would rather show him he's upset me than act like its not affecting me

notevenamousie · 11/02/2011 14:42

I think it's vital to show your children a healthy way to express a full range of emotions, and that includes crying to express grief, frustration, etc.

But I wouldn't be in tears over my 4yo being nasty, or incapacitated by her.

MilaMae · 11/02/2011 14:44

I didn't say not crying is vile I was referring to never crying however "vile" the behaviour.

We're not talking about regularly sobbing either,as far as we know in the op it was a one off.

So we're all supposed to be robot mums now are we?Our kids are all supposed to get through childhood with mummy not shreaking once or crying-ever!!!!! Sorry I want my kids to grow up in the real word and except human behavior for what it is-human.

TheSecondComing · 11/02/2011 14:46

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JamieLeeCurtis · 11/02/2011 14:48

Mila - stop putting words in everyone's mouths.

MilaMae · 11/02/2011 14:50

Cantspel not taking said child to school is a form of emotional blackmail-errr why exactly?

Maybe this was a rare event and mum was just you know-upset.

Have you never been upset?

I have several friends who have been helped out on the school run because of the odd WW3 blow up or upset,wouldn't dream of referring it to emotional blackmail just "having a bad day" we all get them or we do in my neck of the woods.