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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to exclude BFs/GFs from my wedding?

201 replies

Spenguin · 11/02/2011 11:40

We're having a very small and intimate wedding. The ceremony will be at a very secluded location and will only consist of groom, official, photographer, driver and me. A few days later, we'll be having a reception.

We only really want 25 (absolute max) people there. One guest's GF has already been knocked off our list - I've never met her, DP's only met her once (and that was, oddly enough(!), just after engagement had been announced). Also, her boyfriend (our guest) always arranges meet-ups and dinners and things with either my fiance or the both of us...and she's NEVER there. I mean NEVER. We had an on-going joke with the friend that he was just making her up.

I see and have no problem in not inviting her. She has been dating our guest for about 2-3 years, I think. Another one of our guests (whom we adore and is someone we would consider being a future's child's godfather) can't bear her either and excludes her from invitations that are made to the guest/her boyfriend. So, kind of hoping this justifies me a bit. I wouldn't want Future Godfather to be made uncomfortable by her presence either. The friend/her boyfriend has also said that he can't see himself marrying her etc etc, and in essence, is waiting for it to fizzle out. No comment.

However, I have a friend that I like very much, exactly alike etc etc. Yet, neither my fiance nor me can stand her boyfriend (they have been dating since October - reception is this summer). He is bizarre and controlling...frankly, a bit of a smug bastard. We hosted a dinner party at a restaurant, I bothered to send out proper invitations etc etc and the guy swans in, posing and strutting...only half the party had been seated and he calls the water over and asks for still and sparkling for the table. [I was furious and held it in - whilst manically squeezing my fiance's thigh in a 'cheeky bugger! Let's see if he orders the lobster just to take us for a ride' manner]. Throughout the meal he ordered martinis...and encouraged others at the table to do so by way of declaring them lovely, life-changing, great etc.

I can't bear his showboating and, I don't care if I'm being a Bridezilla by saying this...IT'S MY BLOODY WEDDING! After the meal, the two of them started havingsimulatedsex getting very touchy feely. I don't want that at my wedding reception. I think that's really disrespectul in a lot of circumstances...not least an intimate wedding reception.

I've made clear to my friend that I have a policy of no plus ones - if you're married...that's fine. If you're gf and bf, nah! She, through text, agreed on the 'no plus ones' concept at weddings. However, she always bangs on about him and texted, when I told her the location of the reception, that she and him were planning on visiting that place soon but would hold off and save the trip for the reception. Does she think he's getting an invitation?

Please help!

OP posts:
Inertia · 12/02/2011 23:35

Well, it is your wedding and you can invite who you like. And of course you want it to be exactly as you want, with people you love. Trouble is, sometimes the people you love are in love with someone you don't like. They don't 'belong' just to you.

From the rest of the thread, it sounds as though you are doing the long distance travel, but your guests will have some travel and an overnight stay - it's not a case of bobbing over the road for everyone. Consideration for your guests here is something to think about - are your friends a tight knit group who are exceedingly comfotable in one another's company, or might your female friend feel a bit awkward? Clearly you don't like the boyfriend and don't want to spend £300 on him - so how about viewing it as money spent on your friend's comfort , and a worthwhile investment in your friendship ? If the other friends are single apart from invisible girlfriend, who probably won't come anyway, you won't be offending huge swathes of people.

The boyfriend does sound like a bit of an arse. But the risk of him spoiling your wedding is slim compared to risk of upsetting a dear friend.

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