to discover what things you lot secretly do but wouldn't admit?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Not bathroomy things.

But things like -

blissfully mopping up bacon fat with a slice of bed,

logging onto the Daily Mail Sleb pages,

not taking off your make-up at night,

wearing mismatching underwear,

letting the DCs have porridge for supper.

Obviously all these behaviours that should only occur BehindClosedDoors I have had to iresearch from friends, as I am entirely perfect and could live my life in front of a FlyOnTheall camera, with no fear of being judged.

I tell DC's that I am doing important work on the computer when I am on MN.

I change DD's sheets very rarely, as I can't be arsed to climb up into her (very high) cabin bed.

If I've only used a plate for a sandwich, I'll quite often just brush the crumbs off and put it back in the cupboard.

Today, I avoided eating all the fairy cakes DS and I had made together by making up a small pot of proper icing (glacé? The stuff made with icing sugar and water) and eating it with a spoon.

It was yummy.

This thread has me crying with laughter.

I have too many to mention really, but just a few.

I have never owned matching underwear
I sometimes don't shower for a couple of days as if I am working I just stay in my mucking out clothes until bedtime,then I can't be arsed.
I let the dog into the sitting room when he is wet/muddy
My car is a shitehole. It is starting to smell.
I change my bedsheets very irregularly (which when coupled with the not showering is probably quite gross).
I swear like a trooper - sometimes in front of DD.
I love plain crisps and cocktail cherries (too much time spent as a barmaid).

As a student I ate marmite out of the jar with a teaspoon.
Pick my nose when no one's looking. But don't flick.
Smoke in secret occasionally.

'I have lived in my house for 10 years and I have never hoovered under my bed.'

• Who would do this? Hoover under a bed? I've never even considered it.

I never take my make up of before bed and also change my sheets less than I should

I only wash my hair once a week. (unless it smells)

I eat the crusty black roast potato bits out of the roasting tin.

I hide chocolate in my bedside drawer and eat it in secret.

I subscribe to Good Housekeeping.

I'm 24.

For this reason I would never tell any of my friends.

I never use a plate for a sandwich, and if I've cut bread, I wipe the knife on my thighs and put it back in.

Have conversations with the Playmobil people/teddy bears etc in our house even when ds isn't at home

I like eating coleslaw on it's own.

I sometimes give 6 month old ds porridge for supper in the hope that he will sleep longer...so far it hasn't worked but I live in hope.

I don't think I've ever washed our breadknife I just wipe it and put it back in the block.

I don't wear matching underwear because I always seem to lose either the bra or the knickers from every set I own...I have no idea how they get lost though.

Sometimes I tell dh I have ironed his work shirts and trousers when really I've just hung them in the wardrobe and squashed them among all our other clothes so most of the bad creases get squashed out and if not I can blame it on the wardrobe being overcrowded. And I don't ever iron mine or ds's clothes.

I sleep during the day, as long as everyone else is out. Ive been known to get the boys ready for school, walk the dog then have a nice hot bath and go back to bed til 3pm.

I never wash my bread knife! It's not supposed to be good for it.....

I could be here all night listing mine.

I swear a lot. Even when at work.

I regularly eat full boxes of chocolates in place of 3 normal meals.

I adore pot noodles, super noodles and bachelors pasta in sauce things.

I dust upstairs with whatever I grab out of the wash basket.

I judge other people.

I fart and blame the baby

My car is a shit heap inside. And I don't really care.

I pluck my toe hair. And belly hair. And the occasional tit hair.

I class squeezing spots as a hobby.

I love to squirt 'squirty cream' directly into my mouth and also do it to my DD too - has us in stitches but would never do in front of anyone as very disgusting (don't let the nozzle touch our mouth though and thoroughly wash it afterwards just in case)

Rarely wear matching underwear.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays (DH day to take DD to school) i slob in bed until 10am and generally slob in pj's until noon (or even later)

Loads more but got to read DD bedtime stories

I love this thread.

I also use a lady trimmer on my nostril hair.

And I epilate my toes.

I never clean my teeth before I go to sleep (drink tea in bed last thing).

I sometimes drink wine out of a mug so DCs think I'm having tea.

How can you be arsed to change bedding every day GOML? Your washing machine must be perpetually full.

I read the sun.

I drive a large luxury car.

I go on a package holiday every year. Usually all inclusive.

I have a broad local accent.

I have been known (in the past) to attend all night parties involving lots of alcohol and class a drugs.

I admire your honesty enormous knob, sorry, ENormaSnob. Ditto to your laat point but wasn't brave enough to say. In the past of course.

Loving this thread! Reading bits to DH, who from now on will refer to my norks as, well, norks.

I eat secretly, and in bed.
I often don't brush my teeth before bed.
I squeeze spots on said norks, and pull out hairs.
Love the Daily Mail, and TMZ, and People (online).
Really, really like to gossip.
My car is extremely dirty. Think old bits of food lying on the floor.
I often don't answer my phone, when I should, but just don't fancy speaking to that person at that moment.
I've taken time off work, pretending to be sicker than I really was. (just a day! eesh, feel v guilty)

I've never seen anyone admit to reading a Red Top on here. Least of all addressing it by it's name like Voldermort.

Oh I don't know, Lady of the Manor, I can often be found reading a copy of the Currant Bun, sometimes whilst eating an iced currant bun in M&S cafe...

I eat houmous from the tub with a spoon and share cups of tea with my rat. I also care more about what he eats, and his general health, than DPs.

I drink straight from the carton and talk to my car.

I sometimes say to DP that I am going to work to do something urgent, then go down to a cafe in the docks and eat cream cakes.

God knows why I can't just say to him 'I am going out for cake', he wouldn't bat an eyelid, but it feels sneaky to do it behind his back for some bizarre reason.

I speed on the motorways.

I put my make up on driving to work. There are 7 traffic lights between here and there and I rely on the lights being red so I can apply bits of make up.

I talk to myself - little running dialogues of what I am doing.

Your rat?

I eat golden syrup out of the bottle, squeeze straight onto mouth!

On my half day at work I come home, quickly do some tidings and then go straight to bed and get up 10mins before dh and ds get home

I eat chocolate in the car so dh doesn't know and I don't have to share!

I never take make up off at night or wear matching underwear.

I don't wear matching underwear

I have been known to let the dog lick a plate before it goes in the dishwasher

I eat family sized bags of crisps alone

I never take makeup off at night

I never move furniture out when I am cleaning

Not really a secret thing I do, but DH seems to think that it is dangerous for any woman (whether pregnant or not) to deal with used cat litter - I have not felt the need to correct him