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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you to invite Hello into your home? I did, my life shall never be the same.

135 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 21:37

Her name is synonymous with wit, glamour and tenaciousness. Enduring Mumsnet Contributor and mom of four, Chaos Reigns, believe these fine qualities, combined with Olympic standard perseverance, help her fragrantly waft through her gilded life.

Opening the doors of her sumptuous Black Country cottage for the first time ever in this week's HELLO! - the 39-year-old has plenty to say.

Sitting atop a luxurious velvet sofa in a room adorned with the heady scent of finest Kenyan white roses, Chaos looks the epitome of relaxed motherhood.

Her eternity ring, symbolising many years of marriage to the doting husband Bedlam, glints enchantingly under the myriad of lights sparkling from the room's impressive chandeliers.

The room abounds with familial warmth, silver framed photographs of the delightful heirs to the superior genes with which this loving family have been so richly blessed are scattered elegantly across Louis XV furniture.

Known affectionately to her friends and family as CiTi, Chaos inspires us with her desire to give back to the society that reveres her. "Although, as a busy working mother of four, I have very few moments to myself, I frequently help out in the local community." It transpires that Chaos is a valued committee member of the Local Under-Stimulated Hamster Society, particularly with conversational Anglo Saxon and Cath Kidston vintage pattern recognition.

As the sun sets on a glorious day in the Reigns domicile, Hello reluctantly leaves with a basket of still warm, hand-crafted cinnamon muffins and fond memories of a life-enhancing glimpse into this intriguing and unsurpassed world.

OP posts:
Zingylemontart · 09/02/2011 21:40

Are you bored, by any chance? Grin

bethelbeth · 09/02/2011 21:40

Have you been drinking Wink

dementedma · 09/02/2011 21:41
Grin
notinmypocket · 09/02/2011 21:41

Now the Take a Break version please Grin

CockularDepravity · 09/02/2011 21:42

The heady scent of finest Kenyan white roses would not 'adorn' the room; perhaps 'graced' would be more appropriate.

B+, see me after class.

gordyslovesheep · 09/02/2011 21:43

next week Gordy drag us kicking and screaming into her hovel where she feeds us pot noodles and forces us to admire her Smart Price tea cups

Earthymama · 09/02/2011 21:45
Grin
bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 21:47

High five from a fellow Black Country MNer Grin

LOL by the way...

KenDoddsDadsDog · 09/02/2011 21:47

My living room is currently graced with the heady aroma of my DH's fart. While he drapes himself across a Danish sofa ensconcing his face in his tshirt.

nickytwotimes · 09/02/2011 21:47
Grin
EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 09/02/2011 21:56

Loon Grin

muttznuttz · 09/02/2011 21:58

Oh I've had them in my home already Hmm Wink

Her name..muttznuttz is synonymous with a pair of skanky dog's bollocks. Annoying Mumsnet Contributor and mum of three annoying little gits, muttznuttz, believes these fine qualities, combined with Olympic standard sarcasm, help her fragrantly waft through her chaotic life.

Opening the doors of her ex council house...to let the smell of the dog's arse out, for the first time ever in this week's HELLO! - the 39-year-old cough..yeah I'll leave the age bit in has plenty to say because she's a mouthy little foghorn who would have the last word with an echo.

Slumping on top of few empty beer crates in a room adorned with the heady scent of Tescos value cider, muttznuttz looks the epitome of one stressed, hormonal fruitloop.

Her empty valium bottles, symbolising many years of marriage to the doting husband Whatsisface, glints enchantingly under the myriad of very dim long life light bulbs, given to her free with a Sunday magazine.

The room abounds with white dog hair, un- framed photographs of the little chavs with which this loving family have been so richly blessed are scattered all over the place..mainly shoved in boxes and binbags under the bed.

Known affectionately to her friends and family as Oy love stick the kettle on, muttznuttz inspires us with her desire to give two fingers back to the society that despises her. "Although, as a lazy layabout mother of 3, I have very few moments to myself, I frequently boil the kettle to pour over my family's Pot Noodles." It transpires that muttznuttz is a much avoided committee member of the Local Under-Stimulated Hamster Society, particularly after her uncanny Freddie Starr impression.

As the rain pisses down on a shitty day in Dagenham, Hello finally escapes with a Police escort only to find the car up on bricks and the Bastard neighbours have syphoned the petrol.

maryz · 09/02/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guacamole · 09/02/2011 21:58

Heat version next please!

BrianAndHisBalls · 09/02/2011 21:59

bups - you're black country?? my dp is black country although we're worcestershire now.

small world, etc etc

caramelwaffle · 09/02/2011 22:00

(ahem)

Pictures...please. Smile

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:01

Aye I'm in Stourbridge, y' know, the posh end of the Black Country (ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Are you the MNer from Rubery, Brian?

Hassled · 09/02/2011 22:02

Heat version:
"I still love Bedlam" trills Chaos from her Black Country Mansion. "He's so manly!"
But friends reveal they have been secretly very worried by her obsessive muffin-baking and suspect she's hiding the true extent of her utter madness by taking refuge with her hamsters.
"She spends a lot of time with her hamsters" reveals our source. "We're all hoping she'll come to her senses".

musicposy · 09/02/2011 22:03

PMSL, muttznutz Grin

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:08

"Opening the doors of her ex council house...to let the smell of the dog's arse out,"

Tea spray.

BrianAndHisBalls · 09/02/2011 22:08

no not rubery, im kidderminster, we can have a mini meet Grin dp is from kingswinford whereever the hell that is Confused he talks funny.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:09

Oooh I'm not far from Kiddlyminster!

Kingswinford is also "posh" Black Country. Does your DP talk like Mrs Overall?

BrianAndHisBalls · 09/02/2011 22:13

no idea who that is Confused

He says 'Ar' and 'Aye' to mean yes and what. I try to take Diazepam to block it out.

BrianAndHisBalls · 09/02/2011 22:14

There was a shop called 'Fags and Mags' and another called 'News and Shoes' Shock somewhere he calls 'Tipton'.

I think I'm going to faint on my Faux Pleatherette here.

BrianAndHisBalls · 09/02/2011 22:14

right, bed, night all.