Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you to invite Hello into your home? I did, my life shall never be the same.

135 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 21:37

Her name is synonymous with wit, glamour and tenaciousness. Enduring Mumsnet Contributor and mom of four, Chaos Reigns, believe these fine qualities, combined with Olympic standard perseverance, help her fragrantly waft through her gilded life.

Opening the doors of her sumptuous Black Country cottage for the first time ever in this week's HELLO! - the 39-year-old has plenty to say.

Sitting atop a luxurious velvet sofa in a room adorned with the heady scent of finest Kenyan white roses, Chaos looks the epitome of relaxed motherhood.

Her eternity ring, symbolising many years of marriage to the doting husband Bedlam, glints enchantingly under the myriad of lights sparkling from the room's impressive chandeliers.

The room abounds with familial warmth, silver framed photographs of the delightful heirs to the superior genes with which this loving family have been so richly blessed are scattered elegantly across Louis XV furniture.

Known affectionately to her friends and family as CiTi, Chaos inspires us with her desire to give back to the society that reveres her. "Although, as a busy working mother of four, I have very few moments to myself, I frequently help out in the local community." It transpires that Chaos is a valued committee member of the Local Under-Stimulated Hamster Society, particularly with conversational Anglo Saxon and Cath Kidston vintage pattern recognition.

As the sun sets on a glorious day in the Reigns domicile, Hello reluctantly leaves with a basket of still warm, hand-crafted cinnamon muffins and fond memories of a life-enhancing glimpse into this intriguing and unsurpassed world.

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 22:57

I didn't know the WM didn't exist anymore!

Were MNHQ a leetle bit too trigger-happy today?

OP posts:
dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:58

How can the West Midlands not exist as a county?? Where did it go? We live here!

HighPriestessBoo · 09/02/2011 22:58

There's a mumsnetter from Rubery? I probably went to school with her :o

Is Birmingham in Warwickshire then?

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 09/02/2011 23:07

Have you not heard of the curse of Hello?

I (in RL) know someone who was asked, and declined appearing in Hello because they believed in The Curse of Hello. (Oh, and they didn't need the money)

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 23:09

HELLO! visits the bijou home of Bupcakes and Cunting and her gifted and photogenic darling son in the charming hamlet in the Black Country.

Hello! arrives at the Cunting's home on a frosty February morning. No sooner than the bell is rung does the magnificent B&Q front door open to reveal a casual yet glamourous Bupcakes, dressed in velour loungewear, with a glossy mane of hair and a child clinging onto her leg who looks like a cherub painted by da Vinci himself. The child has clearly inherited his mother's looks, and certainly mischievous humour, as he gives us a V for victory sign, albeit the wrong way round!

The smell of frozen lasagne baking in the oven is the first signal of the domestic goddess that Bupcakes clearly is. As we sink into her vintage sofa, we feel transported back to a more genteel age, only Jeremy Kyle on the huge television reminds us that we are in fact in the year 2011.

Further investigation shows that Bupcakes applies the same meticulous standards to interior design as to her personal appearance. On the wall behind the vintage sofa are three hand-painted squares of paint with the colours handwritten underneath, an indicator of Bupcake's quirky and individual style. She is also able to make features of the mundane objects that mere mortals would hide away; a bottle of bleach takes pride of place on the kitchen window ledge, a solitary toilet roll is displayed on top of the cistern. Bupcakes really could show Kirsty Allsop a thing or two about interiors.

Leading us out to her rustically landscaped gardens, Bupcakes points out to us the Belfast sink in which she has planted herbs with her manicured hands. "They will grow again, when the cat stops pissing all over them!" Bupcakes assures us and promises to send us some basil scones that she will craft with her fair hands, when the basil comes into fruit once more.

Our visit comes to an end and we are delighted to find some of the village-folk initiating the Hello! car in the local ritual called "tyre-slashing"! Bupcake's utters some words in her charming local dialect and the villagers skip off, presumably to bring Bupcake's a pail of ass's milk, which she must surely bathe in, with a complexion as unblemished as hers.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 23:09

What's the curse of Hello?

[quivering]

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 23:10

erm... hang on! Len- you are a Wolves fan because you are from Wolvo? Shock

How did I not know that already?

HPBoo- which side of the border in Rubery are you? (which school?)

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 23:14

Fuckinell. I didn't know there were any Midlander MNers. Don't feel as special any more :(

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 23:14

buppy that's inspired.

"The Black Country - who would've thought the soot concealed such talent?"

Copyright - The Black Country Regeneration Initiative 2011.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 23:18

bup- I think there are v v few for some reason.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 23:24

Because most mums in the Black Country are busy applying to get on Jezzer Kyle for a paternity test to have time to MN?

HighPriestessBoo · 09/02/2011 23:28

Bup I'm not in Rubery now but when I lived there I went to the school by the hills. I escaped when I was 18 and only go back to see the folks. Am not that far away now though :o

muttznuttz · 09/02/2011 23:29

Our visit comes to an end and we are delighted to find some of the village-folk initiating the Hello! car in the local ritual called "tyre-slashing"! Bupcake's utters some words in her charming local dialect and the villagers skip off, presumably to bring Bupcake's a pail of ass's milk, which she must surely bathe in, with a complexion as unblemished as hers

FPMSL Grin

KatieMiddleton · 09/02/2011 23:42

Have just woken DH and DS up by loudly guffawing at muttznuttz "at home" profile. V v good

TyraG · 10/02/2011 07:06

LOVE IT!!!

BrianAndHisBalls · 10/02/2011 08:24

did think it was weird they sold news next to shoes, duh Blush

I'm actually Bromsgrove originally. Am another brought low by love Grin

HighPriestessBoo · 10/02/2011 09:33

Ah Bromsgrove. S'never been the same since they closed The Coach and Horses, and Tiffany's cafe in The Strand centre :o

HighPriestessBoo · 10/02/2011 09:35

Just realised I replied to Bupcakes above when I meant Cap'n Nancy. Oops.

Gissabreak · 10/02/2011 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bupcakesandcunting · 10/02/2011 10:20

They're not her kids. She scanned that in out of the Next catalogue.

ElsieMc · 10/02/2011 10:23

I think it's tenacity, Chaos.

Swipe left for the next trending thread