to ask you to invite Hello into your home? I did, my life shall never be the same.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Her name is synonymous with wit, glamour and tenaciousness. Enduring Mumsnet Contributor and mom of four, Chaos Reigns, believe these fine qualities, combined with Olympic standard perseverance, help her fragrantly waft through her gilded life.

Opening the doors of her sumptuous Black Country cottage for the first time ever in this week's HELLO! - the 39-year-old has plenty to say.

Sitting atop a luxurious velvet sofa in a room adorned with the heady scent of finest Kenyan white roses, Chaos looks the epitome of relaxed motherhood.

Her eternity ring, symbolising many years of marriage to the doting husband Bedlam, glints enchantingly under the myriad of lights sparkling from the room's impressive chandeliers.

The room abounds with familial warmth, silver framed photographs of the delightful heirs to the superior genes with which this loving family have been so richly blessed are scattered elegantly across Louis XV furniture.

Known affectionately to her friends and family as CiTi, Chaos inspires us with her desire to give back to the society that reveres her. "Although, as a busy working mother of four, I have very few moments to myself, I frequently help out in the local community." It transpires that Chaos is a valued committee member of the Local Under-Stimulated Hamster Society, particularly with conversational Anglo Saxon and Cath Kidston vintage pattern recognition.

As the sun sets on a glorious day in the Reigns domicile, Hello reluctantly leaves with a basket of still warm, hand-crafted cinnamon muffins and fond memories of a life-enhancing glimpse into this intriguing and unsurpassed world.

BODEN?

Oh please stop. I am supposed to be revising for an exam tomorrow.

PMSL

Which Dog? more like.

I looove the Black Country. Not a native, but spent 4 years at Wolves poly. Came back from doing a languages degree with a Wolverhampton accent. Didn't go down too well in Wimbledon!!

. Can I have a puff of whatever you've been smoking?

HighPriestess - The Coach!!!!!!! How old are you? Im 35, did we shag know the same people?

@ "plenty to say because she's a mouthy little foghorn who would have the last word with an echo"

Glamorous London dogsbody OTheHugeManatee says she just hasn't looked back since moving to her palatial one-bedroomed conversion flat in South London.

Sumptuously decorated in toxic Chinese Farrow and Ball knock-off shades, with a thick-piled 'heirloom' brown hall carpet, Manatee's home exudes a charming and quirky air of 'not hoovered for a fortnight'.

"It's my sanctuary", breathes Manatee, as she pours me a glass of refreshingly vinegary wine from her local vintner, 'Sainsburys'. "It's the little things that make it so peaceful: the area's elegant pedigree mogs in night-time conversation over who gets to use my flowerbed as a public convenience, the sound of sirens on their way to Brixton, and of course the Heathrow flight path.

Mr Manatee just loves being woken by the 05:45 coming in from Hong Kong - he says it brings back so many happy memories of sitting hung-over on the red-eye, on the way to a full day's client presentations!"

From the rustic 'mottled' kitchen wall - "I paid a specialist nearly £20,000 to get that 'dodgy damp-proofing' look", trills Manatee - to the artfully draped bedlinen on the living room door - "I just love the boudoir look it gives the place!" Manatee's personal style is visible everywhere.

Elegant, practical and yet feminine: Manatee's South London home is an inspiration.

Excellent, Manatee

More of this!

I haven't read Hello for ages but I do read the Saturday Times home section every week, with what I shall call mixed emotions.

When busy Balloonslayer, her handsome executive husband Balloondancer and their three super-energetic children moved into their 1930s house in Chavshire, they were determined to bring something out of the ordinary into what might have been thought by some a suburban box.

"By employing a local designer we managed to gain an unprecedented amount of light in the new kitchen," trills Balloonslayer. "There will be a little less when the roof is back on," she continues, "but not much." The designers website is www.Icantbelieveyouacceptedmyquote.co.uk

Determined to use only local craftsmen and products, Balloonslayer instructed her builder, Surly Brian, to source original knotty pine from a secret location to panel the hallway. Combined with an artexed wall the effect is breathtaking. "It's a traditional craft which seems to be dying out," says Balloonslayer, "Luckily Brian's Father, Lecherous Les, is an artisan and he still knows how to do it, although he doesn't come cheap. Do you know that the mix needs cigarette ash in it or it doesn't set? No neither did I?"

Balloonslayer and Balloondancer are determined that all their and their chidren's many friends should be able to come in and out of the house at all times. To make this possible, a layer of think organic coir has been laid by the front door "to catch any mud" she laughs, and a large table installed in the kitchen so that people can eat. "We have even bought some chairs so that people can sit down" she adds.

The living space is a neutral minimalist area where children's toys are kept to a minimum and do not distract the eye from the clean lines. "We only allow the children twelve plastic boxes of tat each" says Balloonslayer. And once a week they absolutely must put their things away into them.

Once inside Wheredidyoulastseeits lovely hovel home one gets a clue of the creative genius behind this on going work of performance art.

The bedrooms are an homage to Tracey Emins unmade bed genre, WDYLS laughingly acknowledged her teenage children's enthusiasm for extending the art work. 'It's amazing how gifted and talented they are at scattering their possessions round the house'.

Entering the living room it is evident that WDYLS is no slacker at ad hoc decoration, a lovely welcoming sight greets the the visitor, her radiators are festooned with damp underwear and socks, adding to the ambiance of cutting edge design which is noticeble through out.

The kitchen is a comment on modern society, the empty wine bottles waiting to be recycled compete for attention with the walls and floor waiting to be tiled.
Sitting down for refreshments in the half finished retro kitchen one is made delightfully aware of the two cats which share the home as WDLS reminds us that the cats will wee in any article handbag placed on the floor, you have to laugh at this vile quirky behavior. WE certainly won't forget our visit to this rightfully forgotten corner of Surrey

Tiptonite, is that like, cryptonite for Londoners.

This is my lovely home. I don't think Hello would have to spend long visiting me....

Norman, I think even Hello would struggle to pimp that home.

Surly Brian Lecherous Les

"her radiators are festooned with damp underwear and socks"

"to the artfully draped bedlinen on the living room door - "I just love the boudoir look it gives the place!"

Stealing my designs there Manatee :)

I can honestly say I have never laughed so much at a MN thread as I have with this one.

More, please :)

LeQ, I don't quite think you understood the premise of this thread - you were mean to present your life with an exaggerated flattering slant on it, not just post about the stark reality of your normal life.

Ha aha ha! Your all amazingly talented mental people! LOve it

excellent, great thread in a time of famine