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to ask you to invite Hello into your home? I did, my life shall never be the same.

135 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 21:37

Her name is synonymous with wit, glamour and tenaciousness. Enduring Mumsnet Contributor and mom of four, Chaos Reigns, believe these fine qualities, combined with Olympic standard perseverance, help her fragrantly waft through her gilded life.

Opening the doors of her sumptuous Black Country cottage for the first time ever in this week's HELLO! - the 39-year-old has plenty to say.

Sitting atop a luxurious velvet sofa in a room adorned with the heady scent of finest Kenyan white roses, Chaos looks the epitome of relaxed motherhood.

Her eternity ring, symbolising many years of marriage to the doting husband Bedlam, glints enchantingly under the myriad of lights sparkling from the room's impressive chandeliers.

The room abounds with familial warmth, silver framed photographs of the delightful heirs to the superior genes with which this loving family have been so richly blessed are scattered elegantly across Louis XV furniture.

Known affectionately to her friends and family as CiTi, Chaos inspires us with her desire to give back to the society that reveres her. "Although, as a busy working mother of four, I have very few moments to myself, I frequently help out in the local community." It transpires that Chaos is a valued committee member of the Local Under-Stimulated Hamster Society, particularly with conversational Anglo Saxon and Cath Kidston vintage pattern recognition.

As the sun sets on a glorious day in the Reigns domicile, Hello reluctantly leaves with a basket of still warm, hand-crafted cinnamon muffins and fond memories of a life-enhancing glimpse into this intriguing and unsurpassed world.

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:17

He talks like Mrs Overall then Wink

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:19

Tipton, fuck me. Tipton really is an ulcer on the arsehole of the Black Country.

(hopes there are no Tipton MNers Blush)

BibiBlocksberg · 09/02/2011 22:19

I'm voting this funniest thread of the year so far. Lolled really loudly three times in a row now Grin

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 22:21

Helloooooooooooooooooo Bupcakes.

[menacing]

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 22:24

I think Tiptonites tend to go to nm, non?

mumbar · 09/02/2011 22:25

ROFL Grin

Love Muttnuttz alternative version too Grin

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:25

Nah, they don't have internet in Tipton. They're all still communicating by grunts and banging their clubs on the floor.

mumbar · 09/02/2011 22:26

bup have just snorted "Tipton, fuck me. Tipton really is an ulcer on the arsehole of the Black Country" Grin

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 22:26
OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:28

Don't try and make out you're from somewhere as posh as Tipton, Chaos.

Pensnett gal, you is.

ohboob · 09/02/2011 22:28

pmsl. Very funny

CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 22:30

ROFL at 'fags and mags'... did you know it's not a single shop but a chain of shops? Shock

(Well I suppose with a name that classy you'd want to use it more than once...)

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:31

Are you one of us too, Nancy?

dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:32

Another black country MNetter here, I used to work in Tipton, and the 2 newsagents were 'Fags and Mags' and 'News and Chews'-not shoes! And they were the highlight of my lunchbreak at one point, that and the horses that were kept in the flats in the precinct! Oh so glad i'm not working there anymore.....

dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:33

Nooo Fags and Mags is a chain? Jeez

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:33

diet did you have your immunisations before you started your Tipton job?

dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:38

No, I wish I had been warned. I will never forget the day a man walked a horse down the steps from the flats and I was completely gobsmacked and my colleagues were very calm and said 'oh yes, we see him quite a lot, he keeps the horse in the flats..' Shock. Those were bleak days and a bleak job.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:40

Well fuck my old boots.

It sounds like something out of a Roddy Doyle book Shock

dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:44

Yup, the horse things is still a very Tipton tradition. Gawd help if you get stuck behind a homemade chariot driving in Tipton (pram wheels etc) as the horse holds up all the rush hour traffic, and the stain glass horseheads in the double glazing.....you haven't lived if you haven't seen those.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/02/2011 22:46
Grin

If I can HelloPimp my loife, anyone can.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 22:47

We-e-e-ll... I may be in your general area

I happen to have a (non-Tipton) branch of F&M close by...

bupcakesandcunting · 09/02/2011 22:50

Where am yow from? Grin

CaptainNancy · 09/02/2011 22:51

I am not from here...

I was brought low by love... Grin

muttznuttz · 09/02/2011 22:52

Well I'm 'Dahn Sarf' and we have a 'Fags n mags' here too Grin

We've also got a 'chish n fips' shop but I think that's cos it's opposite the local pub....

dietstartstmoz · 09/02/2011 22:52

Ooh me too, and have worked in all the best bits.....

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