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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

592 replies

WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 16:53

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 09/02/2011 21:52

OP, don't spend your whole life trying to justify it. Just do what you think is right. You are letting socially constructed rules of morallity affect your decision. Stop worrying about what other people think and start worrying about what you think and whether you feel totally comfortable with it within yourself.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 21:53

The fact is the behaviour of the bar goer and escort is the same. And do they really fancy them? Or are they just drunk? At least an escort is going into it without beer goggles. And actually PaisleyLeaf although I've had a few flings, I've never had a one night stand in my life. I kind of wish I had. I think it might be fun. But I guess there's still time. Wink

And JeremyVile of course I know that women want and like sex. I'm a woman and I want and like it. And my escort friends have sex with their clients because they bloody well want to! They both have 'proper' jobs and do it on the side. Because they want to.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:01

You mean your friends would sleep with these men for free ?

Because they truly fancy them and can't resist them ?

ImeldaSnowboots · 09/02/2011 22:02

Biscuit anyone?

Ryuk · 09/02/2011 22:04

To be fair, some escorts choose their clients. It's entirely possible that in such cases they choose clients they find attractive and would want to sleep with anyway.

expatinscotland · 09/02/2011 22:06

'At least an escort is going into it without beer goggles. '

And the person at the bar isn't taking money for it.

In fact, such a person won't shag men she doesn't find unattractive, a professional will because she is being paid to do so.

Probably best to find a stronger comparison.

GelflinGirl · 09/02/2011 22:06

Ive got to go with anyfucker here im afraid. Doesnt matter how you dress it up, you simply wouldnt sleep with these men for free, therefore its completely different to meeting someone in a club.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:06

Ryuk...that may be so for a small percentage of women

But when you are doing this to pay off debts and feed your children, you may not be able to afford such sensibilities

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:08

Both the friends who do this choose their clients and are able to do so because they escort as an addition to their day job, so can pick and choose. Apparently they fancy a pretty high percentage of the clients.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/02/2011 22:09

'To be fair, some escorts choose their clients. It's entirely possible that in such cases they choose clients they find attractive and would want to sleep with anyway.'

So why do they charge them money?

Because that's what prostitution is: sex for money.

'Escort', street hooker, 'call girl' - all prostitutes.

LOL at all this classifying of prostitutes, like one type of taking money for sex is better than another.

I guess it matters to the prostitute in question, but everyone else just seeks a prossie.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:10

And I say again, I do not escort. I just cam.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:13

Have you changed your mind then ?

You seemed pretty keen an hour ago

LindsayWagner · 09/02/2011 22:16

"they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around!"

Think you've not understood how this exploitation thing works.

Of course they're paying you, and you are providing a service of your own free will. But you're doing it because you'd find it hard to find other ways to get the money you need to feed your family.

They're using their superior buying power to get you to do something that you would otherwise not do, if you yourself had buying power.

nenevomito · 09/02/2011 22:16

I have to ask why, if you are so happy with your choice, you need to come and ask AIBU? Do you need some external approval or is it attention seeking? If neither, why ask?

I don't care about morality - you want to prance around naked on line then thats up to you. I would warn you about it coming back to haunt you though. Once something is on the internet, its generally there forever in one form or another and it could be very interesting should it ever come to light when you have moved on from doing it.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/02/2011 22:19

Yes Where I thought you were asking for MN approval to be a prostitute? Even 'just cam-ing' is a tad bleurgh for me.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:20

AF, since when has "if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more." translated into me being "pretty keen". Just because I stand up for the right of women like my friends to choose whether or not to do escorting doesn't mean that a/ I do it myself or b/ I'm "pretty keen" on doing it. I've stated throughout this thread that I'm considering it. That does not make me pretty keen on it.

And you're still here. You stated you were leaving this thread 4 hours ago.

OP posts:
Cain · 09/02/2011 22:22

Way back in the early nineties when I was at college some fellow students signed up with an escort agency.

They really did just escort however, were advised that they would make more money if they were prepared to have sex with the punters. They weren't and the novelty wore off.

I don't know if they were treated gently because they were young but I did meet the 'pimp'.
For what its worth, he was a straightforward bloke who didn't put pressure on them to take it further and when they stopped taking bookings he left them be. We lived opposite so were he the type to bully anyone he could have.

But that is just one experience and probably an exception.
Most women, when they start down the sex industry route, can end up caught up in something they don't feel they can easily get out of for whatever reason no matter how 'in control' they feel starting out.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:22

I did leave it

I had my tea and came back

If that's ok by you

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:24

It's Ok though, WTAW, my popularity with the OP on these kinds of threads is not really a concern of mine

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:25

sigh I stated in an earlier post that I started the thread to gain people's opinions on camming as a way of making extra money. I'm not attention seeking. If I was, I'd use my camming name on here and post a link to my site.

LindsayWagner If I won the lottery of course I wouldn't still do this. Many people who win the lottery would give up work. But even when I've paid off my debts I'll probably still cam to build a nest egg of savings. It doesn't mean I have to do it, just that I want to. In fact, I don't need to do it now. I would eventually pay off my debts with my day job salary but why not do it quicker and be debt free?

OP posts:
Aitch · 09/02/2011 22:27

what is it you really hope to achieve with this thread, wtaw? go ahead and be an escort, if you want. and if you think it would in no way damage your kids, now or in the future.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:31

Of course you are fine to have your tea AF, I wouldn't want you to starve now, would I? And I never said you were unpopular, in fact I welcome your contribution as it adds a bit of spice to the proceedings. However when you said the following:

"I shall leave this thread on that note

Yet another load of prostitution for/against clap trap

it's fucking boring tbh"

It sounded pretty much to me like you were off the thread permanently. If it's so fucking boring, why are you still here?

OP posts:
Aitch · 09/02/2011 22:33

but all this pro-prostitution stuff is boring, wtaw, it really is...

don't pick at anyfucker, she's not really your problem. i don't know what this thread is about, really.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:34

I don't want to achieve anything with this thread As stated several times, I was merely after opinions on working at the more tame end of the sex industry for a bit of extra cash.

And as stated several times, I'm not an escort. Just looking into it. Looking and doing are not the same thing.

OP posts:
LindsayWagner · 09/02/2011 22:35

Well, that depends on whether you agree with the value society (ie you and me and them lot) places on sexuality and whether or not you think sex work is different from other forms of labour.

Most of us think that sex, and the possibility of real choice within it, are very close to the core of our Selves. So choosing to commodify those aspects of ourselves is different, say, from commodifying our 'friendliness' when we agree to do, for eg., sales work.

You may be totally cool with that - may have successfully cauterised that connection between self and sex which our existence within this particular society kind of hard-wires. But you'd still be supporting, and encouraging, a generally exploitative market in which most of the sellers are unable to make the educated choices you think you are making.