I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

[WhereTheresAWill]

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

Why would you want to let strange men empty themselves into to your body, the same body which carried and gave you the children you love, for money? Your body is precious, not something which should be hired out for anyone to use for a couple of quid.

AF, yep I am puzzled by this.

Maybe its the modern liberal mindset which believes that all views are equal, even to the detriment of morality.

Sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days. As I said before I'm not a troll and I've not disappeared. I've been working and looking after the DC so while I've caught up with the posts on my phone, I haven't had chance to get the pc booted up to respond. I've also been thinking long and hard about the comments made on this thread, as there have been some valid points that I couldn't ignore.

I can't respond to every post personally as the thread is too long but I appreciate the input people have made, especially Meretrix whose posts really made me think. I just want to pick up on a few of the points that have been made over the last day or so.

Someone mentioned that I said I could earn £100 per day escorting, but (correct me if I'm wrong) I don't recall ever saying that. If I escorted, it would be more like £120-£150 per hour., not per day. The same person insinuated that I'm not as educated as her. Maybe not, I don't know what the qualifications of people on here are but I don't appreciate people assuming I'm uneducated just because of information I've given on this post. Bear in mind that the real Belle De Jour is an extremely educated woman, who I believe became a working girl to pay her way through a PHd. I'd consider myself pretty educated - I have a degree in an arts based subject but I'm not actually trained in a particular vocation as such. I don't earn a huge wage and without even more education I don't see how I can improve on this but I can't afford to go back to college, plus I work so don't have the spare time to attend a course. Not sure what the solution to that is.

Another poster suggested that I should get a sugar daddy or marry a rich man. Really?! And this is different from escorting how, exactly? I recall seeing a show on TV a few months back called 'Golddigger and proud'. There was an escort on there who made her living from men paying her for sex. There was also a young student on there who was a member of this site who was taking gifts and money from (I think) two men she'd met on there, in exchange for sex. What's the difference?! Would it be more acceptable to register with that site with the specific aim of meeting a man to use him for money, rather than cam for money?

Of course things would be easier financially if I had a partner to pool resources with but this is unlikely to happen. I hardly go out as I don't have the time or money, so not sure how I'm supposed to meet someone.

Regarding the suggestion to go to a debt advice company and do a debt management plan or IVA, well although I have debts I don't have enough debt to do this. Believe me, I've already looked into it and you have to have a pretty high amount of debt to do it. My debt isn't huge when compared to some, but my problem is that my salary is low compared to my debt. When you have more going out than coming in each month, it's hard to throw more money at the debts to get them paid off quicker. If I didn't have the debts, I'd be ok. Not rich by any means, but ok. But while I have them to service, I'm constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul.

I also just want to say that this thread has given me a lot of food for thought and I've decided not to move into escorting. I'd actually prefer not to do the camming - I'd much rather sit watching a film in the evenings than actually be the one being watched! - but until the debts are paid off I'm not sure this is possible. I could potentially lose my job this year and I have debts to pay off and no savings, so would be in a mess if I was made redundant. If I can at least pay off the debts I'll be in a slightly better position should the worst happen.

So there we are. That's it. Short of a lottery win, I'm not sure where to go from here apart from down the path I'm already on (ie. camming to pay off debts).

OP You sound like a very level-headed lady to me. As I said, your body, your life. In hindsight, I think you were right to ask on here.

I wasn't sure what purpose it would serve as you will, surely, do what you want anyway, but as you have said, it has helped you to make the decision not to go into escorting; So I wish you lots of luck for the future.

What's the difference?! Would it be more acceptable to register with that site with the specific aim of meeting a man to use him for money, rather than cam for money?

Yes it would, you might even meet the one! it's certianly better than having sex with 20, 30, 40 men! it beats your boss watching you on webcam if he ever finds out.

When you walk round tesco, can you be sure that the guy at the till who serves you isn't one of the guys that has been watching you on the net. You are being very naive.

Re Bathsheba and walking around Tesco etc. I'm assuming OP would wear a wig and be half-naked on Cam, so hopefully she won't be recognised.

I'm glad you've thought about this - you sound like a great mum just looking for a way to live your life comfortably and I hope you find it. You don't need to cheapen yourself to pay the bills - even if you struggle at least you can do it with your head held high.

Like I said, I never thought you were a troll

And I am glad you have decided not to go down the prostitution route

I sincerely hope that your financial affairs look up in the next few months

If and when you get a partner - how will you explain to him or her this way of earning money?
How will you feel when your kids grow up about having a whole part of your life that you are not able to talk about with them? Or, if you are able to share it - what will they think of you?
Maybe Nick Griffin and his mates are watching you on the webcam!!!!
I feel sorry that this is the only way you can manage financially - could you seek advice from debt counsellors? Or get help managing your money?

SoSweet as I said in my post above I'm hoping that I only have to do this until my debts are paid off. Therefore, if I ever meet someone I hopefully won't be doing camming anymore. And it's hardly "a whole part of my life". I do a few hours a week, and have a 'proper' job that I can talk about with friends and family. I'm managing my money as best I can, have cut out luxuries and am a regular on MSE. At times I think I'll never get the debts paif off but I'm doing my best. That's all I can do.

WTAW,If Your debts are not enough to go through a debt management plan then they can't be that bad.think debt management take on any amount and IVA over 15 grand??

Believe me I have enough debts to worry about and I have a well paid job and so does my partner, but sometimes I too rob Peter to pay Paul. I have never considered sex work though.

Also I would not be entirely convinced by the amount these girl earn.yes I believe that they earn 100 plus an hour but how many clients do they see. The amount of escorts on the net is massive so there there must be huge competition.

Personally I think escorting is more honest than just being a gold
digger who pretends to love a man for his money . And many many people have random one night stands for free or for a couple of drinks so why the judgeing? As far as rape goes it's just as likely you could be attacked by someone you met in a nightclub or had a few dates with or have known all your life , i'm not saying that there aren't girls in awful situations being forced to sell themselves there are and it's terrible but for the op to get judged for getting money for something a lot of us have done for free seems hypocritical .what about models who struthalf nakeddown the catwalk for money ? They are selling their bodies too so are popstars
like rihanna who is basically a stripper who can sing. With escorts and poledancers I think women are threatened because it could be their husbands going to them and it's easy for a man to arrange this if he wanted too.

I keep resolving not to post to these threads and keep on doing it anyway!

I have known a lot of prostitutes, of many genres. It strikes me the main points for sanity & survival, as often put forth by SGB, are:
. Have a target and a time frame. Be sure it's a means to an end, never part of "who you are".
. Be very expensive.
. Don't have a pimp and don't get drawn into any 'industry' activities, be they drugs or parties.

Every prostitute or lapdancer I have ever known had some form of sexual abuse in her background. This relates closely to the only problem I have with what you're doing, OP: It colours your perception of men, and not in a good way. Every bloke who pays to see you get your tits out is a bloke who sees women (notably, you) as pieces of meat for his purchase. That does infect your thinking.

I rarely say so in this forum, but I do equate some women's approach to marriage as a form of prostitution. However, the comparison between hooking and pulling doesn't hold water. Your chick in a bar CHOOSES which bloke to shag, or not to shag anyone DESPITE the drinks/meal/entertainment she's enjoyed. Your hooker does not have that choice, especially if she's already taken the money.

A boyfriend of mine once filmed us having sex and sold it on the internet. I am most pissed off, obviously, but the moral of this story is ... I found out about it from people I knew, who'd never met the boyfriend. Think about it.

Wait...what?

OP first you said that you enjoy that the men are paying you to put on a show for them.

Then you said that you'd probably continue to do it after your debts were paid off so that you could get a "nest egg".

Now you're saying that you'd really rather not do it and are insinuating that you don't enjoy it as you originally posted you did.

So which is it? It really is starting to seem like a wind up.

As to MrSpoc, any man who would condone (and even help facilitate) his daughter selling her body for money isn't much of a man let alone a father. I find it very telling that you are against your wife selling her body because of the "sanctity of your marriage" but don't seem to give a rats ass about the sanctity of your daughter's body.

Market forces are what drives the sex industry, not women's choices. Single mothers and the young are the most economically vulnerable in society.

This work is not empowering. The word empowered is short-hand for "not having any power". That's why men don't need to be "empowered"

It's not a morality issue or even an ethical issue; it's an issue of how society has been structured in such a way that for some people selling themselves becomes a reasonable economic option. IN an evolved society, selling yourself wouldn't make economic sense

MrSpoc, when men penetrated you for money did you enjoy it?

If not then why would you want your daugther to do it?

And if you've never been penetrated for money, what business is it of yours to defend the penetration of someone else for money

I never understand why one night stands are compared to paid for sex.
One night stands are ace, they're chocabloc full of sexual pleasure for women.
Hardly the same as a man who is paying a woman and doesn't give a shit about her sexual pleasure to the point where she has to pretend to be attracted to him because he's paying her...

sakura in that case what business is it of yours?

op im glad this has helped you in working out what u want to do.

Have you thought about other home work like, Avon, Anne Summers Parties, Clean Eze catalogues etc?

It's not about being my business or not. It's about someone who has not personally been penetrated for cash believing it's a great thing. For. Someone. Else. Definitely. NOt. FOr. HImself.

oh right ok i get it now.

you have no experiance of it too but because you are on a crusade to save all women (even those who try to excersie thier own free will) then you must be right?

its abit contradicting dont you think.

lets get this straight i am all for wmoen excersing thier own free will. I also do not see the escorting business as bad as most of the people here do. it does not mean i am right but it also does not mean you are.

Let the women make thier own choice and stay out of thier buisness.

YOur talk of "free will" and "choice" displays your ignorance of economics

I'm not on a crusade at all. It's a fair point to make that someone who is gung-ho about people being penetrated with penises for cash should try it out himself first

sakura really if i am ignorant please tell me hoe economics works.

how can you judge if you have never been penitrated for money. this is a very valid point

I know two people who are very happy doing this line of work. i also know a few of their aquaintences (not very well) but they are also very open and seem to enjoy it. these people enjoy sex and took the decision to make money from it.

i have also stated that i signed up to do this work also about 5 years ago.

Obviously we will just have to agree to disagree

on a more light harted topic, why you up so early? is your child/kids not letting you sleep too?

I'm up because I live abroad- kids are having a nap ATM. Is your baby awake?

I didn'T say you , as a person, were ignorant, simply that the "choice" theory so popular these days is ignorant of the reality of economics.

It's not a coincidence that women as a group are poorer than men as a group, that they have less power, less stability, and have to disproportionately shoulder child-rearing responsibilities, and they also happen to be the people who sell sex-- the sex class if you like. And although males and females can both be prostitutes, it is disproportionately females who do this work and it is always men who buy both males and females.
So you could say that men, by default of being born male, rarely face the lucky "choice" of being penetrated for cash.

i understand your point and i do think it is valid but my job is a recruitment consultant recruiting for specific jobs. i have not come across a big wage gap between men and women. i am not saying it does not happen but more i have not noticed this huge gap or any.

I suppose this depends on the woman being a career woman or taking leave to have children (this is a complete different issue now and too long winded to go into)

there is also i very known fact that rich, older women pay male escorts for sex/companionship. yes there are more women doing it but that is the same in other jobs i.e nursing, cleaning etc.

times are now chaniging rapidly for women. they are having more options, i.e men can now take full paternity allowing women not to take time off. this affects thier wages / rates of pay etc.

there are more men taking on the full child rearing role as single fathers now.

Economics as a whole is changing quickly because of this.