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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

592 replies

WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 16:53

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP posts:
Aitch · 09/02/2011 22:35

tame?

it is pretty degrading, though.

Aitch · 09/02/2011 22:36

oh yes and wot lindsaywagner said.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:36

I changed my mind

If you welcome my contributions, why are you making shitty statements like "you are still here" ?

And since you have quoted me from hours ago, you should have realised my comments were directed at another poster, not you

I have not been rude to you, as a matter of fact

JeremyVile · 09/02/2011 22:37

Thing is, nobody really gives a fuck what you do. We don't know you...

If you want to invite discussion on your choices then people wll share their general opinions on the subject, what else do you expect people to do? You say you're happy doing it, so carry on.

I never understand this type of thread, what do you get out of it?

Aibu?

Well, yes

No I'm not

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:39

You are "looking into" escort work by posting this thread

So really, you are not in a position to object to people reminding you of that, and getting shirty when they tell you what they think about escorting

You are backtracking

JeremyVile · 09/02/2011 22:39

Yes, LindsayWagner is spot on.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:39

I'm not picking at AF but I'm allowed to give as good as I get aren't I? Or do my opinions not count as much because I work on webcams and have friends who are hookers?

If it's so boring, leave the thread.

The thread wasn't meant to start a pro/cons prostitution debate, just gauge opinions on camming as a means of earning extra cash. If you read back you'll see that it wasn't my intention to turn it into a prostitution debate. I mentioned I was thinking about escorting and that was jumped on and dragged out of all proportion.

OP posts:
LibraPoppyGirl · 09/02/2011 22:41

Don't pick on AF she's giving you her opinion and answering your questions.

I've read the thread and you are arguing with most of the opinions given (opinions you asked for by coming on AIBU).

From your responses I would ask....did you come here to gather different opinions or just to argue with those opinions and thereby justify your decision to yourself?

Because you don't have to justify anything to anyone else.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:42

I left the thread, I came back

Or do my opinions not count as much because I work on webcams and have friends who are hookers?

Absolutely nobody has said that, apart from you

oh, and LDNMummy made a good stab at it too, and she is supposedly pro-prostitution Hmm

StuffingGoldBrass · 09/02/2011 22:42

WTAW: Escorting is higher-risk, physically, than camming. I strongly recommend you get yourself a copy of this.
It appears to be out of print but available as an Ebook (if you have no facilities for reading an Ebook PM me as I have a couple of copies in stock and will not charge you the ridiculous money some numpty on AMazon is asking for a copy in book form). It's a good sound practical guide to sex work, written by a woman who used to run an escort agency.

It is possible to be an escort for a while and move on with your life afterwards, but to do this you have to have a goal in sight and a time limit, and you really have to stay off drugs.
And whoever was trying to claim that all sex workers are equal, don't be so bloody silly. There is a difference between the trafficking victim and the woman choosing to do it as a way of earning extra cash, and there is a difference between the street worker and the escort charging £1000 a night.

nenevomito · 09/02/2011 22:44

sigh I stated in an earlier post that I started the thread to gain people's opinions on camming as a way of making extra money.

But you've made it clear that you think its OK and aren't keen on any opinion that states to the contrary - so we're back to "why ask?".

Cain · 09/02/2011 22:47

YANBU but you are very naive if you really thought you could post this on mumsnet and get positive feedback.

Most of the men you are 'servicing' will be married men.

You could not have posted a more provocative thread if you did a 'AIBU I love Nick Griffin' type thread.

You are also naive if you think you are not being exploited - this is the oldest and most deep rooted exploitation ever which is why some foolish women think it is they who are in control.

If you are in control you will make a living out of your talents and abilities and not from being 'any port in a storm'.

But its a short term solution to your debt problem.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/02/2011 22:49

So OP do you think it is OK to prostitute yourself?

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:51

Of course I'm arguing against opinions I don't agree with - that's the whole point of arguing, isn't it? I don't need to justify escorting because I don't actually do it.

SGB, thanks for the recommendation. I can't believe the price of that book!! By Ebook I'm assuming you mean a kindle? I don't have one of those. As for drugs, I would never touch them with a bargepole. I like the point about having a goal in sight and a time limit, in fact I'm going to ask my friends if they have goals and time limits. Do you have experience of the industry? You write like you do.

OP posts:
edam · 09/02/2011 22:53

There was a very good question further down about your kids. If you have a dd, would you be happy for her to do this when she grows up? And would you be happy for your ds to think it's OK to use prostitutes?

Are you happy to tell your children and your parents what you do for money?

I'm not on a moral bandwagon here, I don't think prostitutes are immoral. I think they are incredibly vulnerable, and they are at risk of being assaulted, raped or murdered or having their children taken away.

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/02/2011 22:53

Yabu. Have some self respect.

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 22:54

I'm pro-prostitution and think that women should have the choice to do this if they wish. I thought this even before I did the camming and before I met the friends who are escorts.

And I detest Nick Griffin with a passion.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 22:56

Nick Griffin's mum loves him Smile

StuffingGoldBrass · 09/02/2011 22:57

WTAW: I have friends who are escorts (and strippers and pro-dommes). If you google the book title (and author) I think it is available as a downloadable ebook from other sites - if you get nowhere PM me. One of the things I do is deal in books relating to sex and I am pretty sure I have one or two copies of that left.

ImeldaSnowboots · 09/02/2011 22:59

I think OP is having a laugh

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 23:00

No, I wouldn't tell my family and most friends that I cam for money because most of them are very narrow minded, old fashioned and wouldn't understand. However I have a select few friends who know, are very supportive and don't judge me. For that I'm very grateful.

OP posts:
Eurostar · 09/02/2011 23:01

Doesn't it bother you that people can keep your clips forever? Have you looked at the thread going on Relationships forum of the woman who found her P's stash of cam sessions? People do keep these things.

I'd hate the thought that that material is always going to be out there, available to anyone your buyer chooses to show it to or chooses to post it to.

As for comparing a one nighter with prostitution? Either you don't enjoy sex and have generally poor relationships seeing them as transactions or....?

Original poster
WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 23:02

Of course Nick Griffin's mum loves him. A mother's love is unconditional, we all know that. Smile

OP posts:
PotPourri · 09/02/2011 23:05

I don't agree with it. But none of my business.

If you have a daughter and would be happy for her to earn a living this way, then I think you have your own answer about whether it is ok.

I suspect since you are posting that you are having doubts and want people to say ah go on go on...

edam · 09/02/2011 23:08

Another good point from eurostar - are you happy that this footage exists and might be distributed? Could you live with the risk that people you know might see it - even your kids, one day?