Sorry, another MIL one
MIL is elderly but in good health, DH is her only son and she is on her own but she has large extended family nearby who she sees daily. So she's not isolated. She lives a long way away and comes to stay with us about once every 6 - 8 weeks. DCs are her only grandkids - they are 2 and 5. I am 6 months pg with DC3 and DH has a really stressful job and works long hours. I am SAHM with no help, but not complaining. I'm pretty busy most of the day.
She sets great store by speaking to DCs as her way of keeping in touch with them - fair enough - and DH rings her diligently every weekend to talk to her and to get DCs to speak to her. DS1 never wants to speak - can't understand what she's saying half time, and she witters on to him about people he doesn't know, places he doesn't know etc, tries to get him to sing songs with her in an old dear way. Sometimes DH has to bribe him to come to phone and it can be painful to watch - we also have to do it on speakerphone so we can translate for DCs and her as they spend half time talking at cross purposes. It's a PITA. I've said I think he risks breeding resentment there and I don't like it but I have just stepped back and let him get on with it. He says if he doesn't force DS1 to speak, she will start to feel distant from him and will want to come and stay more, which neither of us wants so I do see his POV.
ANYWAY, once a week is apparently not enough for her. Since DS1 was born 5 years ago we have had an issue which just won't go away which is that MIL would love me to call her in the week too, to have a chat and let her speak to DCs. My relationship with her is civil and friendly - there has never been a cross word exchanged - but I basically have zero in common with her, no natural affinity with her or affection for her, and find some of her behaviour towards DCs and me thoughtless and deeply irritating. All usual MIL stuff. She irritates the pants off me and has never said anything of any value to me. I have never, not once, thought in an idle moment that I'd pick up the phone and have a chat to her. We just don't have that kind of relationship, although I know she'd love nothing more than a DIL who is on the phone to her every day for a chinwag, filling her in on every little detail of our lives... But you'd think after 5 years she might have twigged that it just ain't gonna happen.
So... she has phoned a lot in daytime recently and left messages (as I'm out a lot). I call back occasionally but mostly don't on basis I don't have time or inclination and I know DH will speak to her at weekend. She called him this weekend in floods of tears saying she felt she was losing touch with DCs. DH does not need the stress of worrying about her - he has a lot on his plate at the mo - and he has begged me to call her once a week, midweek, to make her feel more involved, for his sake. I understand totally where he's coming from and want to help him, but I really effing resent it - only time when DS1 is around is after school - he's tired, it's hard enough getting him to do his words and reading. I'm knackered - walk to school and back to get him is 1 hour round trip as I get bigger and slower. I don't want to have to force DS1 to speak to her (DS2 happy enough at mo to speak) and I don't want to listen to her inane stories when i have 101 other things to do.
Really stressed about it and furious with her for being so pushy - what would you do? Should I just take a deep breath and call her once a week for DH's sake? Why is her weekend chat not enough given she knows how busy we all are? Does anyone have a 5 year old who loves nothing more than to ring their gran? Think she expects a lot of them. Just trying to do a sense check (and let off some steam, sorry for the long-windedness.... phew! Thanks for listening!)