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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding?

260 replies

iJudge · 03/02/2011 10:05

I know it's their money and they can spend it how they want but AIBU to wonder why spend all that on just ONE day of your life?

My friend is getting married in about 8 weeks. She has spent a year visiting wedding fairs, getting dress fittings, pondering over table decorations, favours etc.

The money it is costing has quickly risen and they have had little help from parents yet are putting on quite a show.

I don't understand this. They both want to buy somewhere to live as they are renting atm, she wants children soon after the wedding and also wants to finish her teacher training. All of which they cannot afford at present.

Yet they have spent what I consider a small fortune on what is essentially just one day of their life.

AIBU to wonder why?

OP posts:
LeQueen · 03/02/2011 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GMajor7 · 03/02/2011 20:27

I still believe it's about the spectacle. Convince me otherwise.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 20:30

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bibbitybobbityhat · 03/02/2011 20:33

OP: YANBU.

Of all the many minor irritations I have to deal with in my life, it is the amount of utter wankery that goes on around other people's weddings that really gets my giddy goat.

I am judgey, I am unforgiving, I bear grudges, I think people are utter tossers ...

ad infinitum.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/02/2011 20:44

My problem with it all is that people over-romanticise weddings way way way too much.

For a start 99% of brides should not be wearing white.

90% of couples should not be getting married in a church.

etc.

expatinscotland · 03/02/2011 21:03

If you can afford it to the point where you can still achieve other goals you have, fair enough.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 21:08

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BrandyAlexander · 03/02/2011 21:16

I never ever get this pov by some posters that an expensive wedding is automatically showy and that the less you spend the more the marriage means. Nobody ever explains what "showy" means? Enlighten me please!

I also never understand why someone would go into debt to pay for a "dream" wedding or be paying for the wedding 2 years later.

northerngirl41 · 03/02/2011 21:29

Even if the bride and groom can afford a big wedding, it also places a huge burden on their guests too.

Let's say you are a bridesmaid - there's the hen party, your dress, probably some kind of spa weekend, maybe some shoes, hair/make up/nails etc, plus hotel if it's far away, plus travel. That's before you've even covered the gift!

I know one bride who racked up bridesmaid expenses of £1,250 which she expected her bridesmaid's to pay for... And bear in mind that this group of friends had all known each other since primary and expected to be one another's bridesmaids and there were 4 of them... All getting married around about the same couple of years.

If you want to have one of those big weddings and expect other people to be part of it, then you should be covering ALL their expenses, not making them cough up to fulfill your fantasy day.

candleshoe · 03/02/2011 21:30

bibbitybobbityhat - easy tiger - it isn't the 50s!

emsyj · 03/02/2011 21:40

But not all expensive weddings are 'posh', formal, fancy weddings that impose expense on guests. Our guests had to come and present themselves at our house (which is in our home town - DH and I are both from the same area - and accessible by public transport very easily) and we put on a bus to the ceremony, then on to the reception, we had a free bar and a choice of food at the table (no faffing around with menu cards in advance etc). I had expensive but beautiful invites that my mum's friend designed for us (she is an artist) and then had the original artwork framed as a lovely memento.

We went to huge effort and expense (well I did, DH just turned up really) to make it a nice day for the guests and to avoid anyone being put to any unnecessary expense. It cost us about £16k for 80 guests, which was largely covered by my work bonus that year and had no effect on our standard of living or our ability to fund house purchases etc. I have already repaid all my student debt.

Unless all our friends and family are liars, they all had a great time. And yes, children were invited (although some chose not to bring theirs).

If there's one thing I do know about bloody weddings, it's that you just can't please everybody so may as well please yourself. I am really astonished at just how exercised people on here get about the whole thing.

BrandyAlexander · 03/02/2011 21:47

notherngirl41 ....My bridesmaids all had their dresses, shoes, underwear, hair, make up, nails and jewelry paid for by me. Plus a thank you present (another piece of Swaroski jewelry) from DH and I for supporting us on our big day. We paid for their accomodation for the night before and after the wedding, plus a meal the night before. I had 20 people for my hen weekend and it cost everyone £20 each (they wouldn't let me pay for the meal on the saturday night). Having an expensive wedding didn't automatically make the wedding all about me.

emsyj · 03/02/2011 21:50

Oooooh do I get a Thrifty Bonus for making a necklace as a thank you gift for my bridesmaid who, in turn, made my wedding cake as a gift??? Maybe I will get my Competitive Budgeting badge after all!

BrandyAlexander · 03/02/2011 21:55

emsyj.....definitely! I would love to be talented enough to make a necklace. Best friend made me a present and I get so emotional about it as it was sooo thoughtful and lovely. :)

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 21:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/02/2011 21:56

As I said, I think people over-romanticise weddings.

Marriage is not a romantic concept! It is a contract, and mainly a nuts and bolts one at that.

Imo too many people expect too much of marriage. Hence the failure rate.

reallytired · 03/02/2011 21:59

Haven't read all the thread.

People I know who spend a lot of weddings seem to divorce more afterwards. Prehaps when reality of a grotty rental flat hits home.

I got married for just over 2K. We didn't have a honey moon, but it did mean we could get on the property ladder and nine years later buy a bigger house.

Some people don't think about five years time.

aviatrix · 03/02/2011 22:01

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BlingLoving · 03/02/2011 22:03

Reallytired: most of the people I know who had big weddings are still happily married. What makes your anecdotal evidence more valid than mine?

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/02/2011 22:06

Oh dear, now all the people who spent about teh GDP of a small European country on their wedding are going to come back again and tell us why in fact they were all super generous and never made anyone spend a penny (not in that way!) and it's not to do with the quality of the relationship anyway and so on and so on.

Truce! (I don't even dislike big weddings that much, unless you make me eat some yukky wedding cake)

maize · 03/02/2011 22:06

what a load of shit reallytired

we had a pricey wedding and we owned a home (outright) at that time - does that make it ok? Will that make us less likely to divorce.

FFS!!

candleshoe · 03/02/2011 22:10

Higher up the thread are NHS study facts on who does get divorced - wedding costs were not a factor!! Dipstick!

megapixels · 03/02/2011 22:19

YABU. It's a huge and life-changing event in a person's life, I don't actually understand how people can NOT get excited about it and act as if it's the same as any other party.

It is very stupid to get into debt about it though, but if you have the money then what's the problem?

I do see a lot of jealousy about expensive weddings. People (usually women) who've had £5 weddings are almost hysterical with glee when things go wrong for the couple.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 03/02/2011 22:24

Weddings are big business these days and I think many just get sucked in by this and are "sold to". Oh and if you missed out on the big wedding or didgn't get the wedding of your dreams , don't forget you can have a "renewal of vows" ceremoy after say one or two years....