Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding?

260 replies

iJudge · 03/02/2011 10:05

I know it's their money and they can spend it how they want but AIBU to wonder why spend all that on just ONE day of your life?

My friend is getting married in about 8 weeks. She has spent a year visiting wedding fairs, getting dress fittings, pondering over table decorations, favours etc.

The money it is costing has quickly risen and they have had little help from parents yet are putting on quite a show.

I don't understand this. They both want to buy somewhere to live as they are renting atm, she wants children soon after the wedding and also wants to finish her teacher training. All of which they cannot afford at present.

Yet they have spent what I consider a small fortune on what is essentially just one day of their life.

AIBU to wonder why?

OP posts:
meantosay · 03/02/2011 17:06

Agree EXPAT. I can never understand the people who say they would love to get married but 'can't afford to'. What they mean is that they can afford to get married but can't afford a designer dress and a big party and a band and an expensive photographer.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 03/02/2011 17:15

For me it is not just the money, it is the long preparation i cant stand. Like people who talk about the dress for 3 years before the wedding. It totally changes the focus from the relationship imo.

I mean spending 5 years of your life talking about 1 day??

But i'm the same with christmas and birthdays and holidays. I don't like long planning and huge expectations.

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 17:17

butterpieify we had the registrar come out our venue. We were Shock too!

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 17:19

I was the same tbh when it came to planning. I couldn't face a year of my life being taken up to paln a wedding so we diceded in July to get married in December so it took 5 months and that was more then enough time.

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 17:20

That is what happens when you type too quickly - your letters get mixed upBlush

expatinscotland · 03/02/2011 17:22

yy, laquitar, those people who are engaged forever and you ask, 'Oh, when's the wedding?' and it just draws blank looks.

maltesers · 03/02/2011 17:25

It is a very special day but IMHO i think people spend far too much on a wedding. Its only one day and can cost an absolute bomb. Crazy mad money. !!
If i ever got married again, even if i had loads of money I would rather spend it on house stuff or something.
I would have a modest little lunchtime affair with just close family.

Laquitar · 03/02/2011 17:29

I know. And you want to tell them 'either get it done or shut up'.

thefurryone · 03/02/2011 17:35

I don't think anyone is listening LeQueen they are all too busy being smug that they love their husbands more than we do, because obviously we wouldn't be married if it hadn't involved being able to have a pretty dress and nice shoes Hmm

Surely it's a case of the less you spend the less you love each other and if you don't want to involve your friends and families then you must be anti-social misers.

confuddledDOTcom · 03/02/2011 17:43

Agree with LeQueen.

Why do the people here think it's their place to tell other people how to spend their own money? It's like saying everyone should buy own brand food because why waste money on branded food? I choose what I can afford and what I want to spend my money on and I don't give two hoots what anyone else thinks. Don't like that I have a £15(ish) wedding budget? Tough doo doo, it's my money to do what I like with. If you want to do an on the cheap wedding, go for it.

My first wedding was on the cheap and contrary to what everyone has said on here, I'm divorced! I've done DIY, I made my dress, two bridesmaids dress/stole/bag, 6 adult and one child waistcoat/tie-wrap in 9 weeks. At the same time I made my own stationary and was about to do the food when someone from my church stepped up and said they'd do it for me. Most of what we did was to please other people.

This time it's my money and my way (yes, his too, he loves our plans and when he and his mates get together they're often discussing it because they're looking forward to it too) and I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Bubandbump · 03/02/2011 17:49

We had the best day of our lives. Spent a small fortune but paid for by myself. I don't regret a penny of it.

BlingLoving · 03/02/2011 17:50

Actually, I'm going to go a step further. Yes, I would have married DH in a registry office and gone down the pub after if that was the only affordable choice. But culturally, it was important to both of us that it was celebrated and that our family and friends were there.

I went to a wedding once where the minister made a point of saying that what made this day special for the couple was that these guests, the important people in the lives of the couple, were here to witness this ceremony.

It's old fashioned, but I like it. I like the sense of community and the sense that in some way we are accountable to a broader group of people.

minipie · 03/02/2011 18:02

What Bling said.

Obviously the most important thing is the marriage. I would happily have had a low budget wedding with just a few guests if that's what we could afford.

However, we were lucky enough to be able to spend more and invite everyone we wanted, and treat our guests to a lovely venue and great food and booze.

Doesn't mean we value our marriage any less.

Can we please stop with the competitive thiftiness now?

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryGnome · 03/02/2011 18:26

YABU. Unless you are paying for it, why should you be concerned about how much people choose to spend?

There is a real hair shirt mentality on so many MN wedding threads, with posters competing about how little they have spent. The prevailing attitude of a lot of posters seems to be that the cheaper the wedding is, the more real and authentic the marriage is. The more "showy" it is, the more the couple are trying to plaster over the cracks in their relationship. Which is codswallop. The cost of a wedding bears no relation to the strength of a couple's relationship.

If people choose to go into debt to pay for their wedding, well they are adults and it is their choice to do that. It seems that it is always open season on people who choose to spend lots of money on a wedding, whereas people who splash cash on cars, flat screen TVs, holidays, mortgages they can barely cover etc never seem to get the same judgey pants treatment.

If you are invited to a wedding and you can't afford it, just politely decline - it's an invitation not conscription!

FWIW, we spent a small fortune on our wedding, but it was a day that I, DH and our families will always remember. Wouldn't change it for a thing.

MarshaBrady · 03/02/2011 18:30

Also a wedding can cost a bomb and not be over the top.

Pretty flowers, pretty flower girls' dresses, great chef, good wine but quite understated as far as weddings go.

Just to crack that other myth that money on a wedding equals tacky.

candleshoe · 03/02/2011 18:32

Pay peanuts get monkeys ???

Clytaemnestra · 03/02/2011 18:44

I think monkeys would be quite expensive for a wedding.

TrillianAstra · 03/02/2011 19:04

In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy there's a girl who looks a bit like a prostitute who appraches a character and asks if he is rich, as she has a very special service for people who are rich.

She tells them that it's okay to be rich, and they shouldn't feel guilty. She has a degree in Sociology and another in Economics so she's very persuasive.

ratspeaker · 03/02/2011 19:19

I've always been of the opinion it's not the wedding but the marriage that counts

Guess who had a small quiet wedding many years ago

TrillianAstra · 03/02/2011 19:32

If it's "not the wedding but the marriage that counts" then it doesn't matter what kind of wedding you have.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foreverondiet · 03/02/2011 20:22

YANBU - we got married young, both 22, and our parents organised and paid. It was mainly their guests.

I didn't mind, it was their (my parents) wedding but my marriage.

It was a lovely day but I didn't really see the point in spending all that money; if it would have been up to DH and me we would have eloped!

However if you can afford it why not?

But I'm a bit Shock about the idea of getting into debt to get married.