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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a child to sit at the table in my house if they want pudding?

193 replies

Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:30

Friend and children came over for lunch yesterday. Friend's little boy (about 18mo) got up after he'd finished and wandered round. Absolutely fine he's really little. Friend's older DC got up as well. My DS sat still (he is the same age as friend's oldest). I asked him to sit down if he wanted pudding as that's what we do in our house. He did, eventually, and had pudding.

Got a text from friend today telling me not to tell her DC what to do.

So AIBU? I don't think so. They are nearly 5 btw.

OP posts:
bettiejane · 31/01/2011 17:32

I would definitely expect a 5 yr old to sit at the table to eat'

bubblewrapped · 31/01/2011 17:34

Ditch the friend. I would.

cybbo · 31/01/2011 17:34

parents like that piss me right off

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 17:34

Your house your rules.

Was she expecting her child to be allowed to wander round your home spilling pudding all over things?

No, you were not being unreasonable.

I'd be texting her back saying exactly that. "My house, my rules. I'm not having a child wander round my house spilling pudding all over. They want to eat - they sit. If you don't like it then I am very happy to not FUCKING FEED YOU AGAIN!"

But I tend to get very pissed off over stuff like that Grin

anonacfr · 31/01/2011 17:34

YANBU. At that age they should know to sit at the table until the meal is over.

You friend sent you a text about it the next day? That's a bit passive aggressive.

MrsCadwallader · 31/01/2011 17:35

Your house, your rules. YANBU.

TattyDevine · 31/01/2011 17:35

Was it definitely a case of him not sitting down as in he wanted to eat it somewhere else, or was he just wandering round until it was ready to have pudding, then you came out with that as if he wasn't going to?

If the latter, you probably should have left it to the mother to say "come and sit down and have your pudding".

If it was that he wanted to eat it walking around then YANBU

belgo · 31/01/2011 17:35

TBH I wouldn't waste a text in replying. I just wouldn't bother inviting them over again.

MrsCadwallader · 31/01/2011 17:35

Damn, Hecate got there first! Grin

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:35

He wasn't actually wandering around eating. I wouldn't give him pudding til he sat down.

OP posts:
Pixieonthemoor · 31/01/2011 17:35

Your house, your rules! I think that 5 yr olds should definitely sit at the table to eat. Mine even ask if they can leave the table when they have finished (but then I do understand that I am quite old fashioned in this). I do not think you were at all U. I think her text is quite U!

Bogeyface · 31/01/2011 17:35

I would text back with "Teach him some table manners and I wouldnt have to"

rickymummy · 31/01/2011 17:36

That's our house rule too - as far as I'm concerned, house rules apply to all children, unless all parents agree otherwise.

Bit much for your friend to text regarding this. If she had a problem she should have mentioned it at the time, or should speak to you next time she sees you

mistletoekisses · 31/01/2011 17:36

god, some parents are so precious. YANBU

you werent telling her dc what to do, you were giving him a choice. He decided he wanted pudding and sat down.

text her back with that.

bubblewrapped · 31/01/2011 17:37

If I was friends with a person who got the hump because I spoke politely as an adult should to a child, I really wouldnt be arsed to be bothered with them.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 17:37

So she wanted you to give him pudding while he wandered around? Or serve the pudding and then ask him to sit down?

Don't tell my child to sit at the table to eat the pudding you are providing for us after the meal you have just given us.

Bloody priceless.

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:37

DS has to ask to get up and if he gets up before pudding then he doesn't get to come back later for it. Am I strict?

OP posts:
activate · 31/01/2011 17:37

text her "my house, my rules"

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:38

TBH i don't think I can be bothered. I just won't invite them for dinner again.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 17:38

You didn't tell him, you asked him.

If he didn't want pudding he didn't have to sit down.

Your house, your rules.

It's just polite to sit at the table until everyone has finished.

I wouldn't mind if they got up before everyone had finished before the pud, but they can't be wandering about eating it.

Your friend has every right to say how she feels about what you said of course.

What did you reply?

Panzee · 31/01/2011 17:38

I wouldn't text back. Why did it take her a day to decide she didn't like what you did?
I think you were right, btw.

DanJARMouse · 31/01/2011 17:39

We let the children down between courses. Often they want to go to the loo or some such. But they do know that they need to be sat at the table to eat - regardless of what course is being served.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 17:39

Lots of posts there.

'Your house, your rules' is a universal then! Grin

Plumm · 31/01/2011 17:40

My 4 year old always asks to leave the table (okay, nearly always - she's not perfect) and we make her stay at the table if there's coming. She even asks to leave the table when she's at a party and everyone else has got up and started runing around.

And I tell other children to stay at the table when they eat at my house so YANBU (although I have just realised I've turned into my mother!)

Plumm · 31/01/2011 17:41

If there's pudding, not coming (predictor text)