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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a child to sit at the table in my house if they want pudding?

193 replies

Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:30

Friend and children came over for lunch yesterday. Friend's little boy (about 18mo) got up after he'd finished and wandered round. Absolutely fine he's really little. Friend's older DC got up as well. My DS sat still (he is the same age as friend's oldest). I asked him to sit down if he wanted pudding as that's what we do in our house. He did, eventually, and had pudding.

Got a text from friend today telling me not to tell her DC what to do.

So AIBU? I don't think so. They are nearly 5 btw.

OP posts:
Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 18:03

Agent - if you dont get the point I was making well then the point was obviously over your head!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:04

Oh, is this an actual MIL, not a metaphorical one?

Sassybeast · 31/01/2011 18:04

I think having kids sitting at the table to eat is a fair enough rule. I suppose the tone and manner that you use to follow up on that rule is the key. Maybe she's over sensitive or maybe you were a bit abrupt. She's obviously upset though so maybe it's worth an apology if the friendship is worth it?

Anonymousbird · 31/01/2011 18:07

YASoNBU. It drives me mad that other kids cannot sit still, and that their parents if in attendance let them CLIMB ON THE TABLE or run around and don't bat an eyelid. My DN actually stands on the table mid meal (he is nearly 6). My two obviously look at this and think "oo, that looks good". Then they get one of my hard glares and think better of it! He is still doing it, has been since he was 2...

I am quite happy to ask children visiting us (quietly and nicely) to pop down on your bottom so you don't slide off and hurt yourself etc..... and if a friend questioned me or queried it in my own home???? Well, don't think I know anyone who would - and if they did, they wouldn't be coming back!

nannyl · 31/01/2011 18:08

YANBU

and tbh i wouldnt let an 18m get down to wander between courses either...

unless it was some long drawn our family meal or something

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:08

How did you say it OP?

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 18:08

Nutty chic I think your name is very apt. I didn't ask him to sit on the floor. I said that if he wanted pudding to come and sit down before I served it (got small chocolate muffins out of a packet for the kids - before serving alcoholic pudding to grown ups).

I won't give DS pudding unless he is sat at the table.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 31/01/2011 18:09

Notice she didn't have the balls to say it to your face yesterday.

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 18:10

IMO it was friend and breezy. Just "come and sit down X if you want some pudding. We sit down in this house before it gets served" or there about. I can't remember the exact words.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 18:10

People very rarely do, do they?

Everyone's a brave bugger behind a text message.

Or a computer screen. Wink

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:11

Well that sounds fine.

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 18:11

Choufleur - you may disagree with me as you did your friend. It doesnt make either of us wrong for not doing things the way you do. It makes us different not wrong. A bit of tolerance for other peoples differences perhaps?

Eglu · 31/01/2011 18:12

YANBU at all. It's not like they are tiny. And you didn't tell him off, you just asked him to sit down to eat.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 18:12

Aaah. I've worked out what the problem is.

You said "We sit down in this house before it gets served"

She heard "you have a terrible useless mother who is not instilling good table manners in you and dinner at your house is like feeding time at the zoo."

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 18:12

Other people's differences can feck right off if it means I have to get the sodding hoover out AGAIN crumbs

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 18:13

It was your comment about MIL asking kids to sit on floor/outside that was weird Nutty.

OP posts:
ambarth · 31/01/2011 18:13

Text her that you shouldn't tell her child off for bad manners she should.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 18:13

I think hecate is probably right Grin

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 18:14

Perhaps you should have got your MIL round to ask the lad to sit at the table for his pud, give your friend something legitimate to complain about? Grin

Is she normally like that then OP?

LemonDifficult · 31/01/2011 18:15

I think the fact that she's texting today and has obviously been dwelling on it over night is pretty telling.

Either she's utterly lame and couldn't let it go or face up to you at the time or wait til she saw you next time nd make a gentle comment about how she alway's prefers it to be her giving DCs instructions' etc

or

she's stressed out to the max about other stuff and is over-focussing on this because she's hyped up and it's just getting the heat from her money/relationship/health worries

or

because she's annoyed with you in general and decided to focus on this for a bit of aggro

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 18:15

Oh my MIL wouldn't care less.

OP posts:
Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 18:16

No not normally like that.

OP posts:
Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 18:17

Chourfleur the point I was trying to make is that if your friend/MIL/Aunt/BF's cousin, had a rule that you didnt think was a biggy given they were visiting and perhaps a little excited - you may have liked a little more leniency and acceptance. It would appear that it really needs to be spelt out to most!

wyorksmum · 31/01/2011 18:17

YES

I had a very good friends who's husband insisted they sat at the table throughout every meal and had very high morals.

That was until he shacked up with his sister in law!

what's really important?

enjoying the pudding - I think - wherever.

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:17

Yes, I think Hecate is right too. She saw it as an accusation. Perhaps because she is very sensitive, or very stressed, or a twat