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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a child to sit at the table in my house if they want pudding?

193 replies

Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:30

Friend and children came over for lunch yesterday. Friend's little boy (about 18mo) got up after he'd finished and wandered round. Absolutely fine he's really little. Friend's older DC got up as well. My DS sat still (he is the same age as friend's oldest). I asked him to sit down if he wanted pudding as that's what we do in our house. He did, eventually, and had pudding.

Got a text from friend today telling me not to tell her DC what to do.

So AIBU? I don't think so. They are nearly 5 btw.

OP posts:
ChaosTrulyReigns · 31/01/2011 20:23

Anyone else wondering if there's another AIBU around today along the lines of "AIBU to think my DF was dead bossy asking my PFB to sit down before he ate his pudding"?

There's probably been a chorus of YANBUs, and she's now decided to act on it which is why she's only sent the text today, after feeling brave after consulting MN.

Grin
Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 20:38

GORGEOUSX you actually have me truly laughing out loud. sob my friend was upset when I tried to impose my rules in my house on her child AND even though I invited them I had to cook for her sob so I deserve the right to tell them what to do and MAKE them do it my way sob oh FGS get over yourselves! Typical competative, mine is bigger better than yours, mentality! Like it or not - your kids will grow up and do things their way despite you or rather IN SPITE of you!

Deaddei · 31/01/2011 20:46

Waves to GorgeousX

Why didn't the friend say something at the time?
God I hate texts....people hide behiace them, insteadvof talking face to face.

bettybosseye · 31/01/2011 20:48

GORGEOUSEX- i'm starting to feel like some weird cyber stalker but i'm going to stick my oar in again!
nuttychic- do you really think it's so bad to call kids to the table for pudding? Do you really? (genuine question)

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 20:50

I don't think I was sobbing. I am bemused that someone can take offence at saying sit down if you want pudding.

Nutty I was well not bother teaching DS anything then if he is going to do everything in spite of me. Maybe it's that attitude that leads to so many DCs being little brats?

OP posts:
Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 20:51

Betty I refuse to play this game. I clearly stated a few times that WHILST VISITING/HAD FRIENDS OVER yes I do think so! We eat at the table every night and always have done EXCEPT when the boys were younger and had friends over in which case a muffin could most certainly have been eaten while playing! Now the question here is - have you never given your kids a sweet/biscuit/muffin when NOT at the table? Because tbh that thought scares me more!

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 20:53

Meant to say "I will not bother"

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 31/01/2011 20:55

Your house, your rules. I would have not been offended.

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 20:55

You are making the assumption Chourlfeur, that people doing things differently to you are producing brats. I (thankfully) have never met an adult who cannot sit at the table and eat a meal with brilliant manners. I assure you that not all their parents forced them to eat pudding at the table every single night of their lives for 18 years with no room for a single night of pudding in front of the telly, etc

The point is that letting up for one day when you have guests, would not have done long term damage to your perfect life plan.

crisptart · 31/01/2011 20:56

OMG, cheeky cow, no YNBU in asking the child to sit down if he wanted pudding - it's not like you told him off, just saying sit down if you would like pudding!
It's your house, your rules, and you did nothing wrong!

GORGEOUSX · 31/01/2011 20:58

What do you think Deaddei?
Do you think it's an affront to invite friends over for lunch and then say

"If you want pudding, come and sit down"

????

NorthernGobshite · 31/01/2011 20:59

My dd doesn't eat at table often at home, but if your family does then thats fine and we would respect that as visitors. But I think it unfair that you are judging other parents for doing things differently.

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 20:59

No, I don't think or assume that people doing things differently are producing brats, but if it makes no difference, as you imply, whether I bother or not, then I might as well not bother.

And Ds eats in front of TV sometimes too, as well as doing other things that other parents may not deem acceptable. I just wouldn't let him when we are all sitting at the table. And I would expect him to abide by the rules in someone else's house.

I know some adults with shocking manners - you're lucky if you have never met any.

OP posts:
bettybosseye · 31/01/2011 20:59

Nuttychic- has the OP said they were having biscuits? Sorry i missed that, but even so i think it's crazy to be offended. But really it's the text, surely you don't advocate sending a text?

McHobbes · 31/01/2011 21:01

I agree that it was the 'we sit down to having pudding in this house' line wot grated her cheese. You can't help but read that with a 'tone' and picture a tight little smile.

Not that I'm saying the OP did any of that....but yeah there IS something scratchy about that statement.

If I were you I'd give her a ring and give her an opportunity to apologise try to sort it out.

YANBU - I don't let kids slop food about the house in here either - and I'm not especially houseproud - we all eat at the table too.

But

She may have sensed a tone.

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 21:01

I'm not judging other people's parenting either. If other people's DCs want to run around eating entirely up to them in their homes.

Also don't really want my dog to try to grab food off a child running around with food. (Dog btw is only 9 months and been with us a few days so haven't taught him proper manners yet!)

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 31/01/2011 21:02

I love a good old, my children are better than your children thread

Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 21:02

Not biscuits, muffins while grown ups had pudding with alcohol in so that the kids didn't have that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Choufleur · 31/01/2011 21:02

Anyway I'm off to watch people push little babies out.

OP posts:
Deaddei · 31/01/2011 21:04

Well of course I agree with you Gorgeous x.
And I don't know why my previous comment read like utter bollocks. Blush

GORGEOUSX · 31/01/2011 21:06

LOL AGAIN!

bettybosseye · 31/01/2011 21:07

Good idea Choufleur I've wasted enough of my life reading ridiculous posts about how offensive it is to call kids to the table for pudding. Someone call social services!

emmy56 · 31/01/2011 21:10

Hmm - I think I agree with Nutty here (obviously in the minority).

We have a friend who would be upset if we didn't follow all her rules re the table. I find it stressful visiting her and avoid it at all costs.

Why? Because my dc has a lot of energy and finds it hard to sit still. There are also eating problems in that she'd go happily without a meal as she doesn't seem to feel hunger. This has caused enormous angst for me over the years trying to get her to eat. Am now at a stage where I try to keep mealtimes relaxed and would be upset if someone caused tension over something that, in my view, in the grand scheme of things, didn't really matter.

Incidentally said friend's dc came round to ours without his mum for the first time and depsite his good table manners was rude and obnoxious in all other respects.

Told us all our games were boring because we didn't have nintendo (he's 5). Refused to play anything but a computer game on the PC. When I said it has to be a game for two players, he continually lied so that he could hog the computer the whole time.

Whenever my DC has gone for a formal meal e.g. wedding, she has recognised the need to comply and sat nicely and used her cutlery well.

Did I feel the need to text said friend and tell her the DC was an obnoxious little s**t? No.

Table manners aren't the be all and end all of a child's personality. Nor IMV do lack of them make a dc a "brat".

GORGEOUSX · 31/01/2011 21:13

PosieParker is the one for that job. (calling social services needlessly that is).

nowthen · 31/01/2011 21:32

I'm not surprised there are so many people with eating disorders, what with all the poncy eating rules and regs.

My dc eat at the table, or in the siting room, or on the floor. As long as they make a fair effort to eat what is given to them, I don't care where they eat it.

Put a picnic blanket down, and make it fun.