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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a child to sit at the table in my house if they want pudding?

193 replies

Choufleur · 31/01/2011 17:30

Friend and children came over for lunch yesterday. Friend's little boy (about 18mo) got up after he'd finished and wandered round. Absolutely fine he's really little. Friend's older DC got up as well. My DS sat still (he is the same age as friend's oldest). I asked him to sit down if he wanted pudding as that's what we do in our house. He did, eventually, and had pudding.

Got a text from friend today telling me not to tell her DC what to do.

So AIBU? I don't think so. They are nearly 5 btw.

OP posts:
McDreamy · 31/01/2011 17:42

I suppose if he's not encouraged to do that at home it would be unreasonable to expect him to understand that's what is expected in your house. You can tell him that it's what you do but beyond that it's tricky!

(btw I expect this of my children)

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 17:42

Yes. You are. But so what?

I don't personally think it's a problem to get up, have a stretch and come back for pudding. Sometimes you need a bit of a break between dinner and pudding Grin

But the point is that you asked him to come to the table for pudding and that was not unreasonable.

If you expected him to wait at the table for half an hour before pudding then that would be unreasonable, but I'm assuming you were serving pudding?

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 17:42

YANBU! Your friend is BVU texting you to tell you that! How rude after you had fed her child!!!! < just look at how many exclamation marks she has FORCED me to use Shock Wink

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 17:43

You're not strict OP, just teaching your DC some manners.

Can't believe anyone would have a problem with that.

Unless it was you saying something to her lad that was the problem?

Is she a bit like that?

And does she ever ask your DC to do anything?

McDreamy · 31/01/2011 17:43

Agree that your friend is being VU sending you that text! Bit OTT IMO!

bamboostalks · 31/01/2011 17:43

Why is she texting you a day later? That's weird imo. Did you have words at the time? How did you even know what the text was referring to? It seems a small thing blown out of proportion.

PrincessScrumpy · 31/01/2011 17:44

dd is 2 (nearly 3) and I expect her to sit up if she wants pudding and her friends are expected to behave the same. She also asks to get down.

alarkaspree · 31/01/2011 17:44

She is bonkers. But do stay in touch with her - I can tell this friendship is going to be a rich source of amusement to all of mumsnet in the future.

FabbyChic · 31/01/2011 17:44

I'd have put the pudding on the table and said "puddings on the table if you want some come and munch".

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 17:46

'I suppose if he's not encouraged to do that at home it would be unreasonable to expect him to understand that's what is expected in your house'

Good time for him to realise you sometimes have to behave differently at other peoples houses eg don't pick your nose, don't scratch your arse, and you usually do what is acceptable at the other persons table.

compo · 31/01/2011 17:48

What a petty person though for texting the next day
I wouldn't have a friend like that

pointylug · 31/01/2011 17:49

Sounds like that friendship is over.

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 17:53

YABU your house your rules? I am assuming you invited her? Dear me but if I had someone acting like a dictator when they invited me over I would be in no hurry to go back! So the child would have run around a bit or not had pudding - you have to be in 100% control even when you supposed to be enjoying visitors company? Its not like he was messing pudding all over a new carpet/sofa, etc was it? Chill!

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 17:55

To add to this: On one thread there are people saying "dont let MIL tell you what to do. Stand up for yourself" on this one people are saying "tell her the way it is" no wonder people dont know their ass from their elbow anymore!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 17:56

Assuming you didn't bark out orders like a sergeant major, then YANBU, and she is being a twat. Ignore the text

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 17:57

what thread is that? [nosy]

LemonDifficult · 31/01/2011 17:58

YANBU

I definitely wouldn't text back.

Is all well in her life? If she's under a lot of stress focussing on such a ridiculously small thing might be a transference issue.

I'd let it go.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 17:58

Not the same people on both threads nuttychic, or the same topic.

What a ridiculous idea to liken the OP to a political dictator who wants 100% control over whoever's in her house!

She asked the lad to sit down for his pud, not instigate her secret police to infiltrate the opposition political party.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 17:59

Choufleur Were you saying her child couldn't get up and stretch their legs before pudding, or that they wanted pudding on the run?

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 17:59

Choufleur ask yourself this: If you were at your MIL's house and she told your children to sit on the kitchen floor/carpet/outside to drink their juice because that is what she believed to be right and was unbending - what would you have thought?

Nuttychic · 31/01/2011 18:00

Im very sorry Agent but depending on the other mothers idea of what is right - imposing your ideas of right and wrong IS dictating!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:00

Nuttychic I'd have thought that was a weird rule and not a sensible one like the OP is referring to.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/01/2011 18:02

YANBU

DS is only 2.6 but he knows that if he wants pudding he has to be sat at the table.
The only times that he gets down after main course and then comes back are if there are more people here or we are at someone else's house - I don't expect him to sit patiently through 15 mins of adults chattering once he's eaten his dinner waiting for his pudding. That will come once he's older.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 18:02

What on earth has the OPs MIL got to do with this thread nuttychic? Confused

Bizarre.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 18:02

I assumed child wanted pudding but not to sit, Val.

Nutty - butting in here Grin is that what the other thread was? Fair enough, imo. If she wanted the kids to drink their juice in a certain place, then fine. They drink it there. Not worth stressing about.

Is it kicking off on the other thread? That'll be because on mumsnet, mils can do no right, not because it is a reasonable / unreasonable thing. Grin