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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

172 replies

anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:13

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was Shock. No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 29/01/2011 17:15

you poor thing
You need to list all this in a clear, logical order and then call the head on Monday for a meeting
How old are your DCs btw?

manicbmc · 29/01/2011 17:17

For them to have sent a letter about it, it must be a pretty regular occurence. I'd go into school to discuss it with them and maybe try to find someone more punctual to pick your ds2 up.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:18

DC are 10 and 13

The letter was actually sent over a week ago. DC2 was with dad last weekend so I didn't check bag as I normally would.

:(

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 29/01/2011 17:20

How old is DC1?
I can't imagine SS being very interested tbh. I think schools are very quick to notify ss of anything child protection related, but this does seem a bit extreme.
I would make an appointment to see dc2 teacher and ensure they have all the contact details they need.

5Foot5 · 29/01/2011 17:21

If your DC is in year 5 I am a bit surprised that the school still think it is a given that he has to be collected. Surely loads of kids are starting to make their own way to and from school by this age? DD and some of her friends were and there was never any suggestion that this was considered inappropriate. Hell, I was taking other kids to school myself at that age.

bubblewrapped · 29/01/2011 17:22

I would have thought a 10yr old could make their own way home.

ISNT · 29/01/2011 17:23

Yes I think it was wrong of them. I think that they should have spoken to you first to try and resolve any issues rather than going to SS. They should have given you warning that they were going to do this rather than just do it.

A report to SS is an indication that they believe that your DC are at risk of harm or neglect. It is not a light matter. While I can see that you not answering your phone straight away / sometimes people are late collecting is a matter for you and them, do they really think your children are at risk of harm or neglect? If so why haven't they raised this with you. If what you are saying is all of it I don't understand the reason for the report, why they would be so concerned about your DC.

I also think that the way they notified you of their actions is terrible - a letter in a book bag? About such a serious matter? They should have discussed with you in teh first place and if they feel that strongly that a referral needed to be made they should still have told you verbally so that you could find out the exact reasons for the referral etc.

I am so sorry.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:24

wonderstuff, I really hope you are right.

5foot5, I know of only about 2 children in Year 6 who walk home alone. It's the sort of school where most are collected by car.

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 29/01/2011 17:25

Good point 5foot5 I was walking with younger kids to school - Depends where the school is I guess..

ISNT · 29/01/2011 17:25

Missed a chunk out. Meant to say "While I can see that you not answering your phone straight away / sometimes people are late collecting is annoying, it is a matter for you and them, not SS surely?"

purplepidjin · 29/01/2011 17:26

I used to run an after school club and one of the children (Y4) who attended was picked up by an older sibling - which was why the child came to the club.

Big sibling was regularly up to half an hour late - and young sibling would always be annoyed at having to leave early!

Would you be prepared to have a similar arrangement for your DC? As I said above, it worked very well for that family Smile

peanutbutterkid · 29/01/2011 17:26

yanbu :(.

valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 17:29

The majority of year 5's walk home by themselves where I live. It is see as more unusual if you DON'T .

Really, what manicbmc said, are you sure it's only been twice?

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:29

School is in the suburbs. Not a rough area. Roads are moderately busy.

Purple, I would be happy to send DC2 to afterschool club. The school doesn't have one.

There is one attached to another nearby school but hugely oversubscribed, and has a long waiting list.

OP posts:
missmehalia · 29/01/2011 17:30

It's been a while since I was teaching, so this might have changed, but usually if school is even wondering if there's an issue, they are obliged to call SS. Then it's SS who decide whether to get in touch with you or not.

I've often noticed that our school is always banging on about the kids' punctuality in the mornings, but often send the kids out late themselves!! It's maddening.

You sound like a very, very busy mum... my heart goes out to you. It might be a good idea to have a 2nd option for DC2 just so DC1 isn't relied on quite so much. And how about their dad? Have you spoken to him about this? If you're in work at most collection times, then surely he could do it now and again to ease the pressure on you? Or is there an after school club for DC2? (Just trying to think of alternatives.)

I think if you hear from SS at all then go and have a word with the school to ask them to justify the decision. After all, you're clearly not the only one who's late now and again. Local Authorities have some kind of guidance on this? Try Googling it? (Equally, SS may well not bother with this, they're a pressurised service. It just sounds like school sour grapes, or some kind of strategy to scare you into picking up DC2 yourself).

The school are really not supporting the family by doing this. It sounds more like a threat to you.. I think have it documented somewhere about the actual figures - twice late within the last couple of terms hardly constitutes an irresponsible parent.

Try not to worry, the school ABU.

cory · 29/01/2011 17:31

Ds started making his own way home in Yr 5, no older sibling to collect.

I see two possible reasons for your school's reaction:

a) they are annoyed at being inconvenienced: because your ds waited for his sibling at the school rather than making his own way home that meant staff had to keep an eye on him- so they are punishing you (dd's HT used SS in a similar way, to punish us for inconveniencing him, they were not impressed)

b) they have an overanxious head who genuinely believes that no 10yo should ever be left unsupervised (dh works next to a school whose head is completely paranoid: tried to stop local council from building in town centre as new buildings might overlook the playground)

coldtits · 29/01/2011 17:32

Ring the social worker yourself and explain that your youngest child is ten years old.

Any social worker worth their salt wuold drop this like a hot stone.

When I first read your OP I was imagining a 4 year old!

blueshoes · 29/01/2011 17:33

I am concerned that if the school had any child protection concerns at all, they did not discuss it with you first before going to SS.

Sounds like the school are seriously passing the buck and acting against the interests of your dc in jumping the gun.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:38

It's made me really sad actually.

I had problems with the school years ago, but that was a long time back (5 years) and I'd forgotten it and thought things were fine now - different head etc. Apparently not.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 17:41

Perhaps it's because you had previous problems, they contacted SS.

Newgolddream · 29/01/2011 17:44

I should think SS in todays climate would have more to do than this, but I guess they wouldnt be doing their jobs if they didnt investigate. Its easy for me to say dont worry but Im sure things will be fine, just explain your child is 10.

My 8 year old DS walks to and from school himself everyday, no big deal.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:45

Just been thinking about the issue I had 5 years ago. They threatened me with SS then. and now they've gone through with it.

5 years ago I didn't collect DC2 quickly enough from school one day when they phoned and told me he was ill. I left work straight away but it took me 1.5 hours to get there. This was in middle of day, not after school.

I explained to the head (retired 3 years ago now) that normally I would have asked my then CM to collect. But she was at a memorial service so I couldn't and had to come back myself. DC dad was an hour away and phone was off due to where he was working.

HT said that if I couldn't make arrangements for someone to collect within an hour I probably should get a job closer to home. and if there was such a delay again, they were required to call SS.

And now they have :(

OP posts:
veritythebrave · 29/01/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TroubledPrincess · 29/01/2011 17:47

Nearly all the children in my son's class (year 4) so 8 and 9 walk to school.

penelopestitsdropped · 29/01/2011 17:49

Ss will contact you to check if / how long the children are left alone when they get home.

The not collecting him yourself is rubbish and ss will have no interest in that as an issue.

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