Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

172 replies

anothername4this · 29/01/2011 17:13

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was Shock. No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 18:19

Why don't you ask to see the Head asap and see exactly what they think he problem is, and then you can be forewarned about what to expect from the SS visit?

togarama · 29/01/2011 18:20

YANBU. Totally over the top in principle. Why not talk to you / send you a letter about it before resorting to SS? It will waste the time of already over-worked social workers who could be following up on kids genuinely at risk. How stupid and irresponsible on the part of the school.

At the age of 10, I used to walk younger siblings and several of their friends home.

activate · 29/01/2011 18:20

Call the school ask for a meeting

Tell them you would like to bring a friend to take notes, friend should not interject or say anything in the meeting though - it is between you and school.

Ask them what their concerns are

Be open and honest and see if you can reach an understanding

write up the notes and send them back

do not contact SS, but be open with them too

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/01/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mutznutz · 29/01/2011 18:21

I would call the school to arrange a meeting and take a friend along. That way you can at least get to the bottom of why you were reported.

Although I have to say (in my son's school anyway) constantly picking up late and being uncontactable is a neglect issue that after a few warnings will get you reported to SS.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:24

This is scary. Bloody hell :(

I will phone first thing Monday. Should I ask for a meeting same day if possible? I guess the sooner the better.

OP posts:
ISNT · 29/01/2011 18:24

Agree with others

Arrange to meet with the school and find out exactly what the reason for the referral was - what they have told SS. Possibly ask them what their procedures are when they have non-urgent concerns so you know what they are / can see whether they followed them in this case - the way they have gone about this seems really odd and unhelpful.

Do not contact SS yourself

Sit tight and good luck. It might be that you just have to have a chat with a SW over the phone and that'll be the end of it.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:26

Mutznutz - I'm not sure why they say they can't contact me though. I previously given them all of my contact numbers. DC dad only has 1 number, they have that as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:27

I guess the numbers thing is something we can clear up in our meeting though

OP posts:
mutznutz · 29/01/2011 18:29

They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either

Depends really on what's wrong with the child, how long your meetings are and how long the DC is up a ladder. Have you not provided them with a company/work number?

risingstar · 29/01/2011 18:29

utterly ridiculous.

round here, kids go yo middle school at year 5. it is a good mile walk. every local child walks there and back.

dd1 used to walk to an after school club that was furter away than home. dd2 just went home and i called to make sure that they were home safe.

i would be livid with the school. i do have a reciprocal arrangement with colleagues that we cover each other phones and if school phones we check if it is to do with sickness, we will interrupt a meeting and pass a note.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:29

I know this is a bit 'how long is a piece of string' but are SW likely to just speak to me over the phone? or turn up unannounced? Am trying to prepare myself for all eventualities.

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 29/01/2011 18:30

I would call school and have a meeting definitely, totally reasonable to take a friend for support, make a note of what has been said in meeting too. I personally wouldn't call ss atm, and really if all the school is concerned about is the kids being late ss won't be at all interested.
At school we are told that it is better to report a minor concern to the chld protection officer than ignore, because you don't know what the big picture is, I can only imagine that school has passed this on incase ss have anything else on file - sharing information is a big thing. Seems very ott to me.

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:33

mutz - they have my work number and mobile. Sometimes it might take me 15/20 mins if I'm on a call to a client (from my work phone) until I'm free to call back.

I can't take mobiles into meetings but if an urgent call comes through to my work phone then colleagues will come and fetch me.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 29/01/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 29/01/2011 18:36

Then it sounds as though they are being ridiculous unless as you say, there's something else to it.

I must say, it's very unproffesional to give the letter to your child instead of posting it to you...and also to contact SS without speaking to you first Sad

It's worth remembering you can ask to have a parent governor present too...they're often sympathetic and understanding...though some also brown nose the Head so you might want to find out who the PGs are first.

ISNT · 29/01/2011 18:37

anothername you will know more once you have had the meeting with the school and found out the exact reasons for the referral & what they have said to SS.

If SS have had this for more than a week and not been in touch then they obviously don't see it as urgent.

They wouldn't just turn up unless there were very serious concerns and they'd have been there by now. I think they'll call you and either have a chat or make an arrangement to visit.

DilysPrice · 29/01/2011 18:38

Our school used to use the threat of a call to SS as a form of debt collection for after school club fees (ie if you are in arrears you can't use after school club, if you then fail to collect at 3:30 you will be taken to have abandoned your child). They'd always give warning first though, and to be fair they did have terrible and intractable nonpayment issues.
(I don't speak from personal experience, but from reading the dire warnings in the school newsletter, but it does go to show that schools can sometimes use SS as a weapon)

mutznutz · 29/01/2011 18:41

I think they have to Dilys sadly there are parents who use the school as a free babysitting service Sad

MrsvWoolf · 29/01/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandon · 29/01/2011 18:50

Maybe they are concerned your DS are all by themselves in the afternoon? Is there an adult at home to look after them?

Could this person not collect them from school?

Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:52

secondcoming - re DC2 being at school for 35 mins, I wasn't uncontactable. I was at work. They called my mobile which DC1 had. They didn't phone my work number.

The past issue with the school was 5 years ago and a one-off. and I think on that occasion the HT was in the wrong.

DC1 collects DC2 most, but not every day, about 3-4 out of 5. Some days DC dad collects, some days I do, and some days DC2 goes to a friends.

DC dad is on the scene, and sees DC regularly (including last weekend). Re the letter, I ask DC2 to show me homework, letters etc every day, write in his diary etc. But I only physically go through his back at the weekends, which is how I found letter today shoved in a pocket of his bag. i expect it was given to DC2 last Friday and by the time I saw him on Sunday he'd forgotten about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
anothername4this · 29/01/2011 18:53

that should be bag not back.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/01/2011 18:55

Surely the easiest option is to get a childminder so your ds2 is picked up on time and Ds1 isnt stuck looking after him. then ss have nothing to investigate. Confused

mutznutz · 29/01/2011 18:57

Actually I don't mean to sound picky OP but how can your DC1 be 5-10 minutes late at the worst after a class detention? Class detentions are a max of 15 mins without warning the parents. Then your DC1 has to get from their school to DC2's school and make their way to the office/class to pick up.

I'm assuming they don't attend the same school due to the age difference?