to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

[anothername4this]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was . No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

That just sounds weird! Plenty of DCs walk home by themselves at age 10!

I don't recommend contacing SS yourself, TBH. IME this can backfire. While they might welcome an explanation, they might equally wonder why you are so quick off the mark to persuade them not to visit (which is what the phone call constitutes) and see that as suspicious in itself.

I think that the school have handled this appallingly and agree that it sounds like they are doing it out of spite rather than any genuine concern.

I didn't know that people had to work within an hour of the school, that can't be true surely?

So the school has two issues

1. they cannot get in touch with you by phone

2. they are concerned about how your child is getting home

so to answer number 1) ask them politely what numbers they hold for you and then tell them whether they are correct or not

2. at what age can you write into school to say that your child is able to go home alone - at my children's school it's year 5 so 9 to 10 year olds

That is ludricous, wasting ss time like this when they have to investigate and deal with real abuse. I dont think that SS will be that concerned, I would ask to see the head, and make a formal complaint.

Old HT sounds like a loon (and totally out of touch with people's circumstances) to be frank. You had special circumstances on that occasion 5 years ago, and would have had someone nearby (your CM) to pick up quickly in the daytime. No idea why the new head sees fit to continue with the bizarrely old-fashioned views of the previous one. I doubt the SS would be in any way interested as your DC are safe. It only inconveniences the school. Incidentally I thought that there a duty on primary schools to put wrap-around care in place?

you have no idea whether this is ludicrous or not - you do not have a clear picture of what is actually happening here only what has been written on an internet forum

a school has a duty to inform SS if they have concerns - SS will then investigate and if it is unfounded / ott then nothing will happen

I think the 2 issues are easily addressible and it would be an odd school that would refer for just those concerns

I think there's more to it

Why then did the school not have a meeting with the op with concerns, and felt the need to go straight to SS. It is ludricous from the info on here.

So the no smoke without fire theory, which is exactly why the exhortions in these circs "not to worry" are a load of old tosh.

OP has posted, we only have what she has written to go on, no need to call her a liar and imply that there are terrible things going on that she has forgotten to mention.

uncontactable parents and concerns over child's welfare leads to referrals IME

"no smoke without fire" WTF? nobody has said there is any wrong doing

just because an organisation has concerns over the welfare of a child does not mean there is something wrong

it means that it warrants further looking into

which is why the referral because it is not a school's duty to investigate if everything is ok but the social services

The past problems have been more to do with me not being able to get to school quickly when DC2 was ill, or them complaining if DC2 had left something at home (lunch/pe kit/book) and I wasn't around to bring it in. Other than the run in 5 years ago, nothing major and as I said I thought that was just the HT being old and a bit out of step. DC2 - and DC1 who went to the school previously - have always been v punctual in getting to school.

DC2 has been 5 mins late to school three times this year. He is normally there in good time, and was early all last week - and collected on time every day either by me or DC1.

I'm not aware of there being more to it. What worries me is if there is stuff that has been said in the background (by DC dad for example) that I don't know about. This is making me feel paranoid now that school know more than I do.

However the letter only refers to the late collection and them not being able to get hold of me.

Concerns over child's welfare. That's kind of a BIGGIE, isn't it. Suspicion of harm or neglect. Nothing that the OP has written indicates that she is exposing her children to risk of harm or neglect. Jet people feel this must be the case because of the referral.

Trigger happy people frequently contact SS, and then this "no smoke without fire" shite. Poor OP.

The issue over which the police were involved - mentioned in my OP - is not something the school know about, so far as I am aware, unless the police would have notified them as well? It didn't directly involve either DC.

schools do not tend to be 'trigger happy'

unlike forum-posters

So school must have genuine and real concern that the DCs are at risk of harm or neglect.

Based on the OP I do not see how the school can possibly feel that OP is likely to expose her children to harm or neglect.

Yet referral has been made therefore they must have genuine reasons for thinking her DCs are at risk of harm or neglect.

Logically that is what some are saying, whether they care to come out with it straight or not.

The head at my sons school has been forced to contact SS for the very same reasons...but will always warn the parents first.

It's generally the same parents over and over who have no 'proper' arrangements, can't/don't answer their phones and see nothing wrong in regularly picking their kids up late.

I don't know what is or could be said in the background. DC dad is not my biggest fan, and capable of being a shit stirrer. I don't think he would have said anything, but not being sure of what informed their decision is leading me to think of what else possibly - however unlikely - could have been said.

yes the school must have genuine reasons for the referral and no the OP has not put together a list of those concerns so the conclusion is there is stuff we don't know

whether those reasons are founded in fact or not or based on what the OP is now saying about a shit-stirring ex are up to the investigations not up to the school

Moving on from whether school was right or wrong (and I understand whats been said re its not their job to investigate concerns), what is my best course of action now?

Should I call the school? Arrange a meeting to discuss their concerns? Would it be reasonable to take a friend with me for support?

Is there any mileage in calling SS myself? Or would that make me look as though I had reason to be concerned?