to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

[anothername4this]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was . No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

As I said, ISNT, that's the advice to all schools in our LEA.

I wonder if there is not a friend or relative who lives nearer the school that you could use as an emergency contact, not for picking up after school but for the very rare occasions when your children are ill in school and you can't get there quickly?

With regard to the children walking home together and then waiting for you to get home from work,I know it is not ideal and I'm sure you would choose another solution if you had much choice but you obviously trust them to be sensible and look out for each other so I don't think it will do either of them any harm. I know times have changed but many children used to do exactly as your children do, my DH was one.

I hope you get this resolved quickly. I often had children who were regularly picked up late from school. It is a nuisance and used to make me quite cross but it never occured to me that I should inform social services.

Cory, thats terrible. Your poor DD :(

Greenink, thank you. I do get quite defensive/argumentative in face to face situations though , which is why I'll take a friend with me to poke me in the ribs if I go too far. I can gather my thoughts in writing much better than I can verbally which is why writing stuff down is easier.

They obviously knew this was building so why, on the day/s you collect him did they not then ask you to update your contact details or pop in for a chat? And yes, I have never known a letter of this sort be sent home via the child. If it is so important they would want to post it - knowing what children are like with letters and all that!

Make some notes of the questions on this thread.

I think that what they have done is pretty outrageous but if I were you I wouldn't be having a go at them in any way until you have had the all clear from SS. Once that part is behind you then you can think about complaining - or if there are procedures that they have not followed (not talked to you first, sent letter home in book bag etc) then you can raise it with the appropriate people. Don't start that until it's done with SS though.

Feenie I think it's terrible that schools are advised to contact SS about parents when they have no actual concerns about them, simply to scare the shit out of them. There must be other ways of dealing with things, rather than straight off invoking the "bogeyman" of SS. All wrong.

You do not sound like a bad Mum just a very over stretched one battling against the odds. I am sure you will feel better when you have been in and spoken to the school. You could also have a chat with someone at social services to get some sensible perspective.

Secondcoming - they might well think I am away longer/later, I'm a bit of a job hopper and have moved round firms twice since the problem 5 years ago, am in totally different location now but they wouldn't know that I suppose.

I meant to add- so this would be something to add in your meeting!! (ie why did they not aaproach you at the school?)

You do not sound like a bad Mum just a very over stretched one battling against the odds. I am sure you will feel better when you have been in and spoken to the school. You could also have a chat with someone at social services to get some sensible perspective.

Would it be possible for you to do some kind of flexitime at work, so you could get home earlier, or pay an older babysitter to be with the DC for an hour or so until you get home? I'd keep looking for a CM who did after school care. New people register as CMs all the time, so even if there wasn't anyone when you last looked, there might be someone now. Two hours is a long time if one of your DC had an accident at home or was ill and it is too much responsibility for your 13 year old.

You do not sound like a bad Mum just a very over stretched one battling against the odds. I am sure you will feel better when you have been in and spoken to the school. You could also have a chat with someone at social services to get some sensible perspective.

Quick google random school prospectus - not my school*!

Non-collection of children after school:

Staff will allow 15 minutes after school ends, after that we will:

• Try to contact the parent/carer at home.
• Try other emergency contact numbers.
• If none of the above are available, we may need to contact Police or Social Services if no one contacts school.

And that's in a prospectus!

If they are pissed off with people being late though that is not a reason to call SS

It is if it's continual (not saying it is in the OPs case) because where else is the school supposed to send the kids at the end of a working day? Even if they did have 'spare staff' to look after them, I'm sure eventually they would want a child minding fee.

Some kids are picked up as late as 5pm in my son's school (extreme cases) but either way, the parent is neglecting/abandoning their child if they are continually late...it's also quite embarrassing and distressing for the child.

At my DC's school they say that all childdren in Y£ must be collected form school. I take that to mean children in Y4 and above can walk home alone. Now even I, over protective mother that I am let my PFB walk home alone in Y4 sometimes. (It's about a 1 mile walk).

Arrange a meeting with the school, make sure they have the relevant details, and tell them you are happy for your DS2 to make his own way home from now on.

Most reasonable people would consider it fine for a 10 year old to walk home from school alone. It's the kind of think I can see the Family section in the Guardian having a field day about.

OMG is it any wonder that social services do not have enough time in there day to actually take care of children at risk. They sre having to deal with idiot schools who are pissed off about parents picking their children up late.

their day I am that cross.

the phone thing was just because DC1's phone had gone missing, DC2 doesn't have a phone, and I don't like them being without a mobile between them, so I gave DC1 mine (as school still have work no as a contact no for me, if they can't reach me by mobile).

ISNT - making a note of questions asked is a really good idea. Will do that now.

I've reread the schools letter now the inital shock has passed and they do say they would like to meet me to discuss their concerns. Although it would have been preferable if they had met me before this, not after.

Children regularly not being collected from school could be a reason to contact SS as if continuous / regular / severely late it is a form of neglect. Concern that a child is being neglected is a reason to contact SS.

Being annoyed that a child is sometimes picked up late where there are no concerns of neglect or harm is not a reason for SS, it is something that needs to be sorted between the school and the parent.

There is a distinction here. SS are there if there is a suspicion of neglect or harm. If there is no suspicion of those things then SS should not be the first port of call.

Obviously if no-one turns up to pick up a a child and no-one can be contacted then it's time for the authorities (police I'd have thought).

Sorry bit confused - are the kids alone for anything up to 2 hours after school anothername? The kids are 9 and 13?

Parents do take the piss though - we've had parents say things like 'Well - I was Christmas shopping, I was busy!' at 6.30pm.

I don't think we've ever informed SS though, apart from for one poor mite who was collected at whatever time his Dad fell out of the pub.

I really don't see why a 10yo being at home for a couple of hours in the company of a 13yo. It's not as if he's alone then, is it?

I've been doing exactly the same this year and I do think it is the ideal solution, not some desparate measure I have been driven to. I am not over-stretched and we could afford a childminder for 10yo ds, but feel this works much better; dd and ds are happy together and dd would be perfectly capable of calling for help should an emergency arise. A 13yo is not a baby. Ds does go to a CM two days a week, but does not want to go every day.

In fact, the year before when 12yo dd was being interviewed by the SS/CAHMS youth team, she had to justify to SS why she was still going to a childminder's 2 days a week: they seemed to feel this was a sign of overprotectiveness on my part which might be contributing to the anxiety problems she was suffering from at the time (it wasn't, she just liked the social life).

Yes I'm sure parents do take the piss. And I'd say that if they are turning up hours late because they've been shopping then there is a risk of neglect - a call to SS by the school would not be out of line.

It hinges on whether there is belief of risk of harm/neglect. If the school don't believe the child is at risk in any way then they shouldn't be calling SS, really, that's not what they're there for.

Sounds like missing/old/misstyped phone number to me.

Best to have the meeting.
I'm sure something will come up at that and you can kiss and make up.
Bet it's a misunderstanding of some kind.

Good luck.