to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

[anothername4this]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was . No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

ceazygracieuk - had they had contact from the school already? Was it a generic letter or quite personal? I'm glad it went so smoothly for you, I have read lots posts on here when it hasn't - it's a bit of a lottery isn't it :(

Ragged - of course it's not. If it's a minor problem it can wait 1.5 hours and if it's a major problem they should call emergency services. Parents work. Parents can't all work in the local village. Many teachers travel a good distance to work. Some schools would like to run your entire life and the way things are going it wont be long before they bloody do!

Anothername It's good you have rung them, at least you know where you stand with that if they start trying to tell you otherwise. Stick to your guns, they are your children and you will decide when they are old enough to walk home and be home alone and the 'Schools are not the Parent Police'!! Remember to hit home the point about sending this letter home in a childs bag, that wrong on both levels. Good Luck with the meeting - let us know how you get on!

I must confess that I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this has already been mentioned. At the playscheme my DD attends, any failure to collect, half an hour after the session ends must be reported to SS. Whether the school has to implement the same rule?

MrsFluff can you tell us more about this playscheme? I have never heard of this rule before?

TBH it sounds like scaremongering the parents into not being late!!

Mrsfluff A school impliments its own policies that are written up and agreed by the Head Teacher and school Governors.

Re: playscheme - in nurseries we have to have a cut off point when if failure to collect we call SS (Ofsted rule). We have in our poicy that if no contact can be made with any autjorised collectors then we will call ss after 2 hours.

The playscheme rule sounds the same as the one dribbleface mentions nurseries implementing. I can only assume that the shorter time frame is due to the fact that the scheme rents space in a school, rather than has it's own premises and what time they are covered by insurance till.

Bump.

Childminders are also advised to have a cut off time for calling SS if a child is left uncollected (and no contact can be made with parents/carers)

They'd have a field day with us then. My dh is not allowed to have his mobile in the office - it has to be left in the outer office, and mine is rarely switched on.

What if you had gone shopping for the day and it took 1.5 hours to get back? You can't run your life around school. At 13 I was getting myself to and fro school as my Mum went back to work, and was at home on my tod til she got back. I've survived til 45, I bet your kids do as well OP.

Well, we had the meeting today. To cut a long story short it turns out the whole thing is something of a storm in a teacup.

In essence, their letter was a bit misleading. What happened was on the second late incident mentioned in my OP (the one where DC dad was meant to collect and didn't, so DC1 who'd gone straight home, then had to go back to school to fetch DC2) because they couldn't contact either me or DC dad within 30 minutes of the end of the school day, and no-one had collected DC2, their policy is to phone SS and advise them of no collection/contact of a child at school - they stressed no specifics are/were given at that stage, and in fact apparently just as they were phoning, DC1 called the school to advise that they were en route. So call was ended, and nothing further done.

They didn't report me as such, and they apologised for the letter being unclear (their word - deliberately misleading in mine!)

The school were at pains to assure me I would not be hearing from SS, and this was not a formal report as they would do in suspected neglect etc.

Which frankly was all a huge relief after a very stressful weekend.

Oh that's good then OP. I'm glad it's all cleared up.

If you trust your child to walk home alone, I think it might be best to tell the school in writing that, that's what you intend to do from now on.

Great!

A few more points I meant to add:

I told them about the letter in bookbag. HT looked surprised and said they had asked for it to come by post. So possible breakdown in communication. They agreed with me it wasn't appropriate to send it home with DC2.

As to arrangements going forward, I said that DC1 would continue to collect DC2, but if DC1 was not there and waiting at the end of the school day, I gave permission for DC2 to walk home alone. This was grudgingly - no other word for it frankly - accepted by HT and class teacher (who also attended meeting). HT commented that they knew of 1 or 2 year 6 children (!) who walked home themselves, but the school doesnt know of any other younger children who do. I said that may well be the case, but ultimately this was a matter for me, not the school surely? They agreed. Although not before the class teacher (new, hadn't met her before, not a fan based on today's evidence!) asked whether I would be providing both DC with mobiles 'to ensure their safety' on the journey home.

We then had a discussion about contacting me. In the meeting I gave them a copy of all our contact nos to be sure they have them. I then explained that there will be times that I won't be able to respond within 30 minutes, due to the nature of my work - and explained what that was, and why I couldn't just get up in the middle of conference calls/video links etc. I said that if they phoned my office no, colleagues would tell them where I was, and if it was very urgent, then they would if possible interrupt me. BUT that sometimes this wouldn't be possible. To which classteacher said 'well what if DC2 has an accident and requires an ambulance?'. My response was to say that I hoped they would call one anyway, and not require me to authorise it first! I don't think she was impressed, despite me pointing out that presumably as a teacher there were also going to be times when she wasn't immediately available.

I'm not sure really the school knows how to deal with any situation where parents are not instantly available, essentially to tell them what to do. I guess this is the problem with living in an area where the yummy mummy type are in the majority, and DC2 is one of the few children who has 2 parents working FT outside the home.

But just to add thank you all so much for your advice and support, and am pleased to report a good outcome (I hope)

I can't believe they can not dial 999 in emergency without informing you I know that's complete rubbish

in fact if he was involved in major accident he would be rushed to A&E and there they would treat him without your consent if needed and let someone else look for you, etc
the school would be negligent if they delayed getting an ambulance while they phoned you they should phone 999 first and then if free person and free phone try and contact you

sometimes schools are totally unbelievable but it happens 1 child I know aged 7 had a nose bleed for 90 minutes as no one at school would help

glad its all sorted for you they are just covering their own backs

Glad it went OK. The mobile idea doesn't sound like a bad idea.

FWIW I get what your saying about not being contactable immediatly. I had a family funeral today - all family there, inc cousins etc and my friends all work. I called DS school to say no-one contactable for an hour. And that I give them permission to call ambulance if required/ or they are concerened and leave message on my mobile. (ds has allergies/mild analyphalaxis) School were brilliant and accomaodating/ understanding. This is again a school where 95% of parents have 1 at home.

it is fine for a year 6 child to walk home alone. my youngest used to do it walked across a busy main road using the crossing.

A 13 year old collecting a ten year old is fine too, it is also acceptable for them to be home alone for a few hours, nothing wrong with that either.

In what universe are they that they would call you first if your DS had an accident requiring A&E? I would be livid if that happened!

for the people who say SS only contacted if proper concern, I know of cases where some A&Es have referred because moms came in an hour after (minor) injury because they were waiting for DP to take them or sorting out childcare. nowadays people are so scared of missing abuse that they are trigger happy.

wasn't there an article recently about how social workers are now so overwhelmed with referrals it's making working out actual cases difficult to highlight.

Glad all worked out for you. :)

Our old school was so trigger happy they phoned SS when my DS had a sinus infection, which came on at school and made his face swollen. They claimed we had beaten him. SS were so annoyed as it caused them a lot of paperwork and the police were called, they also said we locked our DS in a cupboard as they overheard him telling a friend what to do if a tornado hit (we had just moved back from tornado alley in the states). We moved schools ASAP once we were cleared of all allegations (nice to know that someone actually spoke to DS and listened rather than jumping to assumption). Surely schools need to think more before acting it causes so much stress to be accused of something so horrid! I know they need to follow up on concerns but in the fear climate of not missing a case they are over reacting and causing more issues for overworked SS.

Omg at this thread, schools are a nightmare! I'm also in the position where I couldn't guarentee that I'd always be able to answer a call from the school immediately (I'm a nurse) and am horrified to think they would call ss!!! Sounds like you've been through a lot of stress that was really unnecessary op.